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The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, it is believed that the ultimate purpose of science is to continuously enhance the quality of human life. While I totally advocate this point of view, I would argue scientists have some other tasks that are no less important.

On the one hand, science creates common technologies that are essential in people's lives nowadays. AI is the most prominent example, which can help workers do many different things such as prepare presentations, search for information, and plan for the future. Furthermore, smart devices such as phones allow many people to become much more comfortable and modern, thereby giving them many quality services such as online shopping, teleconferencing, and hotel reservations without the need to queue.

On the other hand, science guarantees human existence with the vast amount of knowledge it brings to researchers. Expert doctors have invented many medicines that can save patients' lives thanks to science. For instance, scientific innovations have frequently resulted in considerable improvements in healthcare such as producing vaccines, curing diseases and diagnostic tools, allowing patients to live longer and better lives by reducing pain. Scientists have even thought about finding other planets for humans in case something happens to Earth. Besides, science also helps protect wildlife and nature. This is clearly shown in things like animal research to save the number of individuals in existence and their health status to help them escape the threat of human activities.

In conclusion, while there are valid justifications for the belief that the primary goal of science should be to enhance people's lives, I would contend that also other that are equally important as human life.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays, it is believed that" -> "Currently, there is a widespread belief that"
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays, it is believed that" with "Currently, there is a widespread belief that" adds formality to the introduction, aligning with academic style, and avoids the colloquial tone of "nowadays."

  2. "While I totally advocate this point of view" -> "While I strongly endorse this perspective"
    Explanation: Substituting "While I totally advocate this point of view" with "While I strongly endorse this perspective" elevates the level of language by using "endorse" instead of "advocate" and enhances the overall formality of expression.

  3. "AI is the most prominent example, which can help workers do many different things such as" -> "AI serves as a prime illustration, enabling professionals to perform a myriad of tasks such as"
    Explanation: Replacing "AI is the most prominent example, which can help workers do many different things such as" with "AI serves as a prime illustration, enabling professionals to perform a myriad of tasks such as" introduces a more formal structure and uses "enabling" to emphasize the functionality of AI.

  4. "Furthermore, smart devices such as phones" -> "Moreover, intelligent devices like smartphones"
    Explanation: Changing "Furthermore, smart devices such as phones" to "Moreover, intelligent devices like smartphones" enhances the sophistication of the language by using "moreover" and specifying "smartphones" instead of the generic term "phones."

  5. "thereby giving them many quality services" -> "thereby providing them with a multitude of high-quality services"
    Explanation: Substituting "thereby giving them many quality services" with "thereby providing them with a multitude of high-quality services" maintains clarity while using a more refined phrase, "providing them with."

  6. "For instance, scientific innovations have frequently resulted in considerable improvements" -> "For instance, advancements in science have often led to substantial improvements"
    Explanation: Changing "For instance, scientific innovations have frequently resulted in considerable improvements" to "For instance, advancements in science have often led to substantial improvements" streamlines the sentence and uses "advancements" for a more formal tone.

  7. "Scientists have even thought about finding other planets for humans" -> "Scientists have contemplated the possibility of identifying alternative planets for human habitation"
    Explanation: Replacing "Scientists have even thought about finding other planets for humans" with "Scientists have contemplated the possibility of identifying alternative planets for human habitation" employs a more academic and precise expression, avoiding the colloquial "even thought about."

  8. "This is clearly shown in things like animal research" -> "This is evident in practices such as animal research"
    Explanation: Substituting "This is clearly shown in things like animal research" with "This is evident in practices such as animal research" enhances the clarity and formality of the sentence by using "evident" and specifying "practices."

  9. "while there are valid justifications for the belief that" -> "while there are valid arguments supporting the notion that"
    Explanation: Changing "while there are valid justifications for the belief that" to "while there are valid arguments supporting the notion that" introduces a more formal term, "arguments," instead of "justifications," aligning with academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a clear response to the prompt, acknowledging the importance of science in improving human life. However, it also introduces the idea that scientists have other important tasks, which slightly deviates from the prompt’s focus. Relevant sections supporting the main point are in paragraphs two and three.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each paragraph more explicitly connects to the prompt. While presenting other tasks of science, relate them back to how they contribute to improving people’s lives. This will provide a more focused and comprehensive answer to the question.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, agreeing with the statement that the primary aim of science is to improve people’s lives. The stance is consistently expressed throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the coherence of your argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas, offering examples like AI and healthcare to illustrate the positive impact of science. However, some ideas could be extended for a more thorough analysis.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on examples by providing more detailed explanations or exploring additional aspects. For instance, when discussing AI, delve into specific ways it enhances productivity or mention diverse scientific fields contributing to healthcare.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic but briefly introduces the idea that scientists have tasks beyond improving human life, which may be perceived as a minor deviation.
    • How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the prompt. If introducing additional tasks of science, ensure they are directly related to and support the argument that science primarily aims to improve people’s lives. This will prevent any perceived divergence from the main topic.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, improvements can be made by ensuring a more explicit connection between additional tasks of science and the overarching goal of improving human life. Additionally, providing more in-depth analysis and staying closely tied to the prompt will enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. It starts with a clear introduction expressing the writer’s viewpoint, followed by two distinct paragraphs presenting arguments for and against the idea that improving people’s lives is the primary aim of science. However, the conclusion seems abrupt and lacks a clear summary of the main points discussed in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider summarizing the key arguments in the conclusion. This will provide a more cohesive ending and reinforce the main points made in the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, contributing to a clear and organized structure. However, the third paragraph is quite lengthy, covering both healthcare and environmental aspects, and could benefit from further division to maintain reader engagement.
    • How to improve: Break down the third paragraph into two distinct paragraphs, one for healthcare and another for the environmental aspect. This will improve readability and allow for a more detailed exploration of each subtopic.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a reasonable range of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, some sentences lack smooth transitions, impacting the overall flow. For instance, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: Work on incorporating transitional words and phrases more consistently to ensure a smoother flow between ideas. For example, consider using words like "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to enhance connectivity between sentences and paragraphs.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally coherent and cohesive structure, improvements in the conclusion’s organization, paragraph division, and the use of transitional devices can elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a varied vocabulary. The use of terms such as "advocate," "prominent," and "innovations" showcases a willingness to employ diverse language. However, there is room for improvement as certain concepts are repeated, and some ideas could benefit from more nuanced expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms for frequently used words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "science," consider incorporating terms like "scientific advancements" or "technological innovations" to add depth to your expression. Additionally, aim for a more nuanced selection of words to convey specific meanings.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "the ultimate purpose of science is to continuously enhance the quality of human life" could be refined for clarity and precision. While the ideas are generally clear, a more precise choice of words would elevate the overall quality.
    • How to improve: Strive for precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of using broad terms like "enhance," consider specifying the ways in which science contributes to improving lives. For example, "advance the quality of human life through technological innovations" provides a clearer and more specific expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are instances where minor errors, such as "other that" instead of "others that," are present. These do not significantly impede understanding but suggest a need for careful proofreading.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, adopt a systematic proofreading approach. Pay close attention to common mistakes and ensure consistent application of grammatical rules. Utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can also be beneficial to catch overlooked errors.

Overall, the essay exhibits a reasonable command of lexical resources. To improve, focus on refining vocabulary precision, diversifying word choices, and ensuring meticulous spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures. There is effective use of complex sentences, such as the one in the introduction, "While I totally advocate this point of view, I would argue scientists have some other tasks that are no less important." However, a more diverse range of structures could enhance the overall sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences, varied clause structures, and rhetorical devices. For instance, try integrating sentences with introductory phrases, such as "In light of these considerations, it is evident that…"
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing. For example, in the sentence "Furthermore, smart devices such as phones allow many people to become much more comfortable and modern," the use of "modern" may require clarification. Additionally, some sentences lack precision, affecting clarity.
    • How to improve: Carefully review sentences for precision and clarity. In the mentioned sentence, specifying how phones make people more comfortable and modern would enhance understanding. Moreover, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that pronouns have clear antecedents. For example, in the sentence "Besides, science also helps protect wildlife and nature," specifying what aspect of science aids wildlife protection would strengthen the point.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, refining sentence structures for greater variety and improving precision in expression would contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, there is a widespread belief that the ultimate purpose of science is to continuously enhance the quality of human life. While I strongly endorse this perspective, I would argue that scientists have other equally important tasks.

On one hand, science contributes to the creation of common technologies that play a crucial role in people’s lives today. AI serves as a prime illustration, enabling professionals to perform a myriad of tasks such as preparing presentations, searching for information, and planning for the future. Moreover, intelligent devices like smartphones allow many individuals to lead more comfortable and modern lives, thereby providing them with a multitude of high-quality services such as online shopping, teleconferencing, and hotel reservations without the need to queue.

On the other hand, science ensures human survival through the vast knowledge it provides to researchers. Expert doctors, for instance, have invented many medicines that can save patients’ lives, thanks to scientific advancements. For example, breakthroughs in science have led to substantial improvements in healthcare, including the production of vaccines, the cure of diseases, and the development of diagnostic tools. These advancements allow patients to live longer and better lives by reducing pain. Furthermore, scientists have contemplated the possibility of identifying alternative planets for human habitation, demonstrating the far-reaching implications of scientific research. Additionally, science plays a crucial role in protecting wildlife and nature, as evident in practices such as animal research aimed at preserving species and maintaining their health status to help them escape the threat of human activities.

In conclusion, while there are valid arguments supporting the notion that the primary goal of science should be to enhance people’s lives, I would contend that there are other tasks equally important, such as ensuring the survival of humanity and preserving the well-being of the environment.

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