The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

It is a belief that the most crucial goal of science should be to enhance the quality of human lives. I totally agree with this opinion as science not only improves the healthcare system but also contributes to the development and prospects in various aspects of residents’ daily lives.
On the one hand, people argue that other urgent problems ought to be prioritized and tackled, such as climate change, ice melting, or extinction, which have occurred intensely around the world in recent decades and have negatively both the survival of humans and species on the Earth. Besides, the development of science and technology results in a generation of laziness and dependence because the support from modern equipment or the emergence of robots and artificial intelligence has limited our independence, creativity, and dynamism.
On the other hand, science also plays a major role in a medical system that leads to prolonging our life expectancy. For instance, the invention of different vaccines, such as Rubella, Polio, COVID-19, etc, has had a great impact on the world by increasing the ability to defend the dangerous diseases, saving countless lives from bacterial infections. In addition, modern medical types of equipment have been created and innovated gradually to assist doctors in diagnoses, observation, or even surgery processes.
Moreover, our daily lives have been transformed dramatically in abundant fields thanks to the advancement of science and technology. It helps decrease the amount of time in movement by the appearance of high-speed means of transportation. Nowadays, it is possible to fly from Vietnam to the US within twenty-four hours, an incredible situation in the past. The boom of the Internet has made communication easier, it enables us to access information and connect with other people without the barrier. It is obvious that these innovations have helped human lives more comfortable, convenient, and worth living.

In conclusion, while science can have negative impacts, its primary aim should be to advance human lives. The development in healthcare and other aspects has proved the potential and position of science to create a better world. Therefore, we need to endeavor to focus on improving our lives with appropriate strategy

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "totally agree with this opinion" -> "strongly support this perspective"
   Explanation: "Totally agree" is colloquial; "strongly support this perspective" maintains formality and adds emphasis.
2. "occurred intensely" -> "intensified"
   Explanation: "Occurred intensely" is awkward; "intensified" is a more concise and formal alternative.
3. "negatively both the survival of humans and species on the Earth" -> "negatively impacting both human survival and biodiversity"
   Explanation: "Negatively both" is redundant and awkward; "negatively impacting both human survival and biodiversity" is more concise and clearer.
4. "a generation of laziness" -> "a culture of passivity"
   Explanation: "A generation of laziness" is judgmental and lacks formality; "a culture of passivity" maintains the meaning in a more neutral and formal tone.
5. "support from modern equipment or the emergence of robots and artificial intelligence has limited our independence, creativity, and dynamism" -> "reliance on modern equipment, robots, and artificial intelligence has constrained our autonomy, creativity, and vitality"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks precision; the suggested alternative is clearer and more concise.
6. "the invention of different vaccines, such as Rubella, Polio, COVID-19, etc" -> "the development of various vaccines, including those for Rubella, Polio, and COVID-19"
   Explanation: "Different vaccines" is imprecise; "various vaccines, including those for Rubella, Polio, and COVID-19" is clearer and more formal.
7. "the ability to defend the dangerous diseases" -> "the ability to combat dangerous diseases"
   Explanation: "Defend the dangerous diseases" is grammatically incorrect; "combat dangerous diseases" is a more appropriate phrase.
8. "saving countless lives from bacterial infections" -> "preserving countless lives from infectious diseases"
   Explanation: "Bacterial infections" is too narrow; "infectious diseases" encompasses a broader range of conditions.
9. "modern medical types of equipment" -> "advanced medical equipment"
   Explanation: "Modern medical types of equipment" is awkward and redundant; "advanced medical equipment" is more concise.
10. "the appearance of high-speed means of transportation" -> "the advent of high-speed transportation"
    Explanation: "Appearance" is informal in this context; "advent" is a more formal alternative.
11. "an incredible situation in the past" -> "an unprecedented advancement"
    Explanation: "Incredible situation" lacks precision; "unprecedented advancement" conveys the idea more effectively.
12. "the boom of the Internet" -> "the proliferation of the Internet"
    Explanation: "Boom" is informal; "proliferation" is a more formal term for rapid growth or expansion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether science should prioritize improving lives or focus on other urgent issues like climate change. It discusses the role of science in healthcare and in transforming daily life.
  • How to improve: While the essay covers both sides, the introduction could more explicitly outline these viewpoints to better guide the reader through the essay. Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the prompt and maintains relevance to the question throughout.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the primary goal of science should be to improve human lives. This stance is consistently supported with examples from healthcare, transportation, and communication.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, explicitly state the thesis in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Ensure each paragraph directly supports this viewpoint without straying into unrelated topics.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas adequately, particularly in the discussion of medical advancements and technological innovations. It offers examples such as vaccines, medical equipment, and transportation improvements.
  • How to improve: To enhance development and support of ideas, delve deeper into specific examples, providing more detailed explanations of how each innovation directly impacts people’s lives. This will strengthen the argument and better demonstrate the essay’s perspective.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the impact of science on improving human lives through healthcare and technology. However, there are instances where the discussion of unrelated issues like climate change and the negative impacts of technology can detract from the central argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the question of whether science should prioritize improving lives. Avoid discussing issues that are not directly relevant to this question.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus more sharply on the prompt, maintain clarity and relevance throughout, and provide deeper, more specific examples to support its points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that states the author’s agreement with the prompt, followed by balanced arguments in the body paragraphs. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved, such as the abrupt transition between discussing problems like climate change and the benefits of medical science. The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Connect each paragraph logically to the next, maintaining a clear progression of thought throughout the essay. Consider restructuring sentences or paragraphs to improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to strengthen the argument and provide more depth.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more balanced distribution of content across paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph contributes substantially to the overall argument. Consider expanding on ideas within paragraphs to provide more comprehensive support for the author’s viewpoint.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices adequately to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which signal shifts between opposing arguments. Additionally, the essay effectively uses pronouns and demonstrative adjectives to refer back to previously mentioned concepts.
  • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used appropriately, diversifying the range of devices employed could further strengthen coherence. Introduce a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, adverbs, and synonyms to enhance the cohesion of ideas throughout the essay. Varying sentence structures can also contribute to smoother transitions between paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, but refinement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, encompassing various topics related to science, healthcare, technology, and daily life. For example, the essay employs diverse terminology such as "prospects," "extinction," "innovation," "diagnoses," "boom," and "endeavor," showcasing the writer’s ability to express ideas with lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a broad lexical repertoire, enhancing it further can be achieved by incorporating more sophisticated or domain-specific vocabulary. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "a medical system," the writer could utilize specialized terms like "healthcare infrastructure" or "medical framework" to convey a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay employs vocabulary with a reasonable level of precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "vaccines," "high-speed means of transportation," and "Internet" are used accurately to articulate specific concepts related to science and technology.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision further, the writer could focus on using vocabulary that is more nuanced and contextually appropriate. For instance, instead of the general term "modern medical types of equipment," employing specific terminology such as "state-of-the-art medical devices" or "cutting-edge medical instruments" can elevate the precision of expression, providing a clearer depiction of the advancements in healthcare technology.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors throughout the text. Spelling accuracy is crucial for maintaining clarity and professionalism in written communication, and the writer successfully adheres to this standard.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer may consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques to identify and rectify any remaining spelling errors. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading and practice can also reinforce correct spelling patterns, contributing to overall language proficiency.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of vocabulary, with a diverse range of terms employed to convey ideas effectively. While there is room for refinement in precision and vocabulary selection, the writer’s ability to express complex concepts demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource. By incorporating more nuanced vocabulary and ensuring continued attention to spelling accuracy, the writer can further enhance the richness and clarity of expression in future compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences (e.g., "On the one hand, people argue that…"), compound-complex sentences (e.g., "In addition, modern medical types of equipment…"), and uses transitions effectively to connect ideas (e.g., "Moreover, our daily lives…"). These structures enhance coherence and demonstrate a good command of sentence variety.
  • How to improve: To further enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more nuanced subordinating clauses and conditional sentences. For example, using conditional structures (e.g., "If science continues to advance…") could add depth to hypothetical scenarios discussed in the essay. Additionally, varying the placement of introductory phrases or clauses can add stylistic diversity.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. There are some instances where article usage could be improved (e.g., "a generation of laziness" could benefit from "the generation of laziness"), and minor subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "development of science and technology results in a generation of laziness…") are present. Punctuation is generally correct, with effective use of commas to separate clauses and ideas.
  • How to improve: Focus on consistent article usage and ensure that subjects and verbs agree in all parts of the essay. For instance, revisiting sentences for correct subject-verb agreement (e.g., "the development… results" should be "results" matching "development"). Additionally, pay attention to prepositions and their usage to ensure clarity and precision in expressing ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and effective use of punctuation. By refining sentence variety and addressing minor grammatical inconsistencies, the essay could further elevate its clarity and coherence, potentially reaching an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that the paramount objective of science should be to enhance the quality of human existence. I strongly support this perspective as science not only contributes to the advancement of healthcare but also fosters progress and opportunities across various facets of people’s daily lives.

On one hand, some argue that pressing issues such as climate change, melting ice caps, and species extinction deserve priority attention. These phenomena, intensifying globally in recent decades, have had adverse impacts on both human survival and Earth’s biodiversity. Furthermore, the proliferation of science and technology can lead to a sense of complacency and reliance, as modern conveniences and the rise of robotics and artificial intelligence may limit our self-reliance, creativity, and vigor.

However, it is undeniable that science significantly improves medical care, thereby extending life expectancy. For instance, the development of vaccines against diseases like Rubella, Polio, and COVID-19 has profoundly impacted global health, saving countless lives from infectious diseases. Additionally, advancements in medical equipment have revolutionized diagnostic and surgical procedures, aiding healthcare professionals in providing better care.

Moreover, science has brought about dramatic transformations in various aspects of daily life. High-speed transportation, for example, has reduced travel time significantly, allowing journeys that once took days to be completed within hours. The advent of the Internet has revolutionized communication, facilitating seamless information access and connectivity across geographical boundaries. These innovations have undoubtedly made human existence more comfortable, convenient, and fulfilling.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the potential negative impacts of scientific advancement, I maintain that its primary objective should be the betterment of human lives. The progress achieved in healthcare and other domains underscores science’s capacity to shape a brighter future. Therefore, it is imperative that we strive to prioritize endeavors aimed at improving human welfare through judicious scientific exploration and innovation.