The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

It is often contended that the most vital target of science should be to develop the lives of people. I partially concur with this point of view.

On the one hand, the idea of increasing the quality of people’s lives is the main goal of science and it is beneficial to some extent. Firstly, when science has been developed more and more, people’s work will have more chance. This is because technology and science have improved, the office or the company will need higher requirements for their job. For example, the officers working at the office will have less workload but they have more salary than the manual workers. As a result, it has an adverse effect on their quality lives. Secondly, science improving leads to communication development. This could be explained by the fact that we can make friends and Facetime easily with any people in the world. For instance, we can call and meet their family or their friend anytime we want which does not need to meet in person. For that reason, we have saved a lot of money and time to do other work.

On the other hand, there are some reasons against the statement that when people’s lives have been improved by science, it is hard with some old people. It is important to remember that old people encounter some difficulties in reaching new technology and science. This means that elderly people need to spend more time searching and finding out about science nowadays. Consequently, science does not only support their lives but also gives they some problems.

In conclusion, I partially support the notion that the most crucial aim of science should be to develop the lives of people. However, each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision on the issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is often contended that" -> "It is frequently argued that"
Explanation: "Frequently argued" is a more precise and formal expression than "often contended," which sounds slightly informal and less specific in an academic context.
"the most vital target" -> "the primary objective"
Explanation: "Primary objective" is a more formal and precise term than "most vital target," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"develop the lives of people" -> "enhance the lives of individuals"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "develop" in this context, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"I partially concur with this point of view" -> "I partially agree with this perspective"
Explanation: "Agree" is more commonly used in academic writing than "concur," and "perspective" is a more formal term than "point of view."
"increasing the quality of people’s lives" -> "enhancing the quality of life"
Explanation: "Enhancing the quality of life" is a more concise and formal expression than "increasing the quality of people’s lives."
"more and more" -> "increasingly"
Explanation: "Increasingly" is a more formal adverb suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "more and more."
"people’s work will have more chance" -> "individuals will have greater opportunities"
Explanation: "Individuals will have greater opportunities" is more precise and formal than "people’s work will have more chance," which is awkward and unclear.
"the office or the company will need higher requirements" -> "organizations will demand higher standards"
Explanation: "Demand higher standards" is more specific and formal than "need higher requirements," which is vague and less precise.
"the officers working at the office" -> "office personnel"
Explanation: "Office personnel" is a more formal and concise term than "the officers working at the office."
"have less workload but they have more salary" -> "have reduced workloads but receive higher salaries"
Explanation: "Receive higher salaries" is more formal and precise than "have more salary," and "reduced workloads" is clearer than "less workload."
"science improving leads to communication development" -> "advances in science lead to improved communication"
Explanation: "Advances in science lead to improved communication" is more formal and grammatically correct than "science improving leads to communication development."
"we can make friends and Facetime easily with any people in the world" -> "we can easily connect with individuals worldwide"
Explanation: "Connect with individuals worldwide" is more formal and avoids the colloquialism of "Facetime," which is specific to Apple devices.
"we can call and meet their family or their friend anytime we want" -> "we can contact family and friends at any time"
Explanation: "Contact family and friends at any time" is more formal and avoids the informal "meet" and "want."
"it is hard with some old people" -> "it poses challenges for some elderly individuals"
Explanation: "Poses challenges for some elderly individuals" is more formal and precise than "it is hard with some old people."
"science does not only support their lives but also gives them some problems" -> "science not only supports their lives but also presents challenges"
Explanation: "Presents challenges" is a more formal and precise term than "gives them some problems," which is vague and informal.
"each of us should consider carefully before reaching the final decision" -> "each of us should carefully consider before making a final decision"
Explanation: "Carefully consider before making a final decision" is grammatically correct and more formal than "consider carefully before reaching the final decision."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a partial agreement with the statement that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. The writer discusses both the benefits of scientific advancements and the challenges faced by certain demographics, such as the elderly. However, the response could be more balanced, as it leans slightly more towards the positive aspects without fully exploring the counterarguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed. This could involve providing more specific examples of how science can negatively impact certain groups or situations, thereby creating a more nuanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in the introduction and conclusion, indicating partial agreement with the statement. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer transitions that reinforce this position. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of science to the challenges faced by the elderly could be more explicitly linked back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use linking phrases that connect ideas back to the central argument. Phrases like "While this is true, it is also important to consider…" can help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of science on job opportunities and communication. However, these ideas are not fully extended or supported with sufficient depth. For example, the claim about job opportunities lacks specific data or examples that could strengthen the argument. Additionally, the discussion about elderly individuals facing challenges with technology is introduced but not fully explored.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include statistics on job market changes due to technology or specific instances of how elderly individuals struggle with new technologies. Expanding on these points will provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, some sentences are somewhat vague or off-topic, such as the mention of "adverse effects on their quality lives," which could be clarified. The phrase "the officers working at the office will have less workload but they have more salary than the manual workers" could also be more relevantly tied to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the question of whether the primary aim of science should be to improve lives. This can be achieved by revising vague statements and ensuring that all examples directly support the thesis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there are areas for improvement in depth, clarity, and balance. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The first paragraph outlines the positive impacts of science on people’s lives, while the second addresses the challenges faced by the elderly. However, the logical progression between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of science to the challenges faced by older adults feels abrupt and lacks a clear linking statement that would help the reader follow the argument more smoothly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "On the contrary," at the beginning of the second body paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one, perhaps by summarizing the benefits before introducing the drawbacks.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first on the benefits of science and the second on the challenges it poses for the elderly. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be more refined. For example, the first paragraph contains several ideas that could be more clearly delineated, leading to potential confusion for the reader.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, in the first paragraph, a sentence like "Science significantly enhances the quality of life through advancements in employment and communication" would set a clear direction. Additionally, consider breaking down complex sentences for clarity and ensuring that each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it does not effectively link the preceding idea to the conclusion drawn about the quality of life.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Nevertheless." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, when discussing the adverse effects of science on the elderly, a phrase like "This highlights the complexity of science’s impact on society" could better connect the discussion to the overall argument.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, enhancing the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "vital target," "develop," "quality of life," and "communication development." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, phrases like "develop the lives of people" and "science improving" could be expressed more variably. The use of "officers" instead of "employees" or "workers" also indicates a limited range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "develop," alternatives like "enhance," "advance," or "improve" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases like "the well-being of individuals" instead of "the lives of people" would elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "the office or the company will need higher requirements for their job" is awkward and unclear. The term "adverse effect on their quality lives" should be "quality of life." Furthermore, "gives they some problems" is grammatically incorrect and should be "gives them some problems."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Revising sentences for grammatical correctness and ensuring that vocabulary matches the intended meaning will enhance the overall quality. For example, replacing "higher requirements for their job" with "higher skill requirements for employment" would clarify the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "Facetime," which should be "FaceTime," and "they" in "gives they some problems," which is a grammatical error rather than a spelling issue. While the overall spelling is generally accurate, these errors indicate a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a habit of proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring grammatical correctness, and proofreading diligently, the writer can elevate their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "This could be explained by the fact that we can make friends and Facetime easily with any people in the world" shows an attempt to incorporate more sophisticated structures. However, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall complexity. Additionally, phrases like "when science has been developed more and more" and "it is hard with some old people" could be expressed more effectively with varied structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentences and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of "when science has been developed more and more," the writer could say, "As science continues to advance." Incorporating relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied introductory phrases would also add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation issues. For instance, the phrase "the office or the company will need higher requirements for their job" is awkward and unclear; it should be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, the sentence "as a result, it has an adverse effect on their quality lives" contains a grammatical error; "quality lives" should be "quality of life." Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "but" in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "gives they some problems" should be corrected to "gives them some problems." Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction will help. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and correctness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is frequently argued that the primary objective of science should be to enhance the lives of individuals. I partially agree with this perspective.

On the one hand, the idea of improving the quality of people’s lives is indeed a significant goal of science, and it is beneficial to some extent. Firstly, as science continues to advance, individuals will have greater opportunities in the workforce. This is because technology and scientific developments have led organizations to demand higher standards for their jobs. For example, office personnel often have reduced workloads but receive higher salaries compared to manual workers. As a result, this can have a positive impact on their quality of life. Secondly, advancements in science lead to improved communication. This can be illustrated by the fact that we can easily connect with individuals worldwide through various platforms. For instance, we can contact family and friends at any time without the need to meet in person. Consequently, we save a considerable amount of money and time, allowing us to focus on other important tasks.

On the other hand, there are valid reasons to consider that while science improves lives, it can pose challenges for some elderly individuals. It is important to remember that older people often encounter difficulties in adapting to new technologies and scientific advancements. This means that elderly individuals may need to invest more time in learning about contemporary scientific developments. Consequently, science not only supports their lives but also presents challenges that they must navigate.

In conclusion, I partially support the notion that the most crucial aim of science should be to enhance the lives of individuals. However, each of us should carefully consider the implications before making a final decision on this issue.