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The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no room for doubt that it is in many cases a priority for a job with great remuneration as it is a catalyst for the constant working of people in this modern era. However, deciding on a job is not solely affected by pay rate but job satisfaction and job advancement are other impacts that contribute to the decision.

On the one hand, the idea that remuneration has a vital impact in making decisions between jobs is reasonable to some extent. A high salary is the key factor for people to improve their quality of life. Having a well-paid job is synonymous with more allowance for people’s basic needs and greater expenditure on their necessities of life, education, and recreational purposes. If an individual’s cost of living is no longer a major problem and they have time for relaxation activities, it is more likely that their financial burdens will be remedied and their lifestyle will progress to prosperity. As long as financial freedom and other aspects of life are fulfilled, the living standards are improved equivalent to the pay rate.

On the other hand, I believe that there are chances for career advancement along with income rate to be an aspect in consideration for a job. The motive for an employee’s devotion to a company is the potential to scale up in the corporation hierarchy. As the job promotion represents the managerial role of the superior to recognize the performance of a corporation’s employee and have great awards for their progress. If there is no prospect for an individual to show perseverance in order to attain a higher position in a company system then there is little potential for their further career progression. Another benefit of high prosperity for career advancement is incentivizing individual’s industriousness at work. Obviously, in a corporation, the level of dedication and personal performance is commensurate with their position, which means people are satisfied with the progress they devote to the advancement of a company.

In conclusion, making a decision between jobs should include a stronger chance for advancing in career and high wage. Both of these aspects have their determined impact on the life quality, further career progression, and satisfaction level of job of an individual.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. “There is no room for doubt that it is in many cases a priority for a job with great remuneration” -> “Undoubtedly, in many cases, a high remuneration is a top priority for a job.”
    Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat convoluted and informal. The suggested improvement makes the statement more concise and academically appropriate.
  2. “as it is a catalyst for the constant working of people in this modern era.” -> “as it serves as a catalyst for the continuous employment of individuals in the contemporary era.”
    Explanation: Replacing “constant working of people” with “continuous employment of individuals” and “this modern era” with “the contemporary era” provides a more formal and precise expression.
  3. “deciding on a job” -> “choosing a profession”
    Explanation: “Deciding on a job” is a bit informal, while “choosing a profession” is a more academic and precise choice of words.
  4. “job satisfaction and job advancement are other impacts that contribute to the decision.” -> “job satisfaction and career advancement are additional factors that influence the decision.”
    Explanation: Using “career advancement” instead of “job advancement” and rephrasing “other impacts that contribute to the decision” to “additional factors that influence the decision” enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.
  5. “On the one hand” -> “Firstly,”
    Explanation: “On the one hand” is a bit informal for an academic essay. “Firstly” is a more appropriate transition phrase to introduce the first point.
  6. “Having a well-paid job is synonymous with more allowance for people’s basic needs” -> “A well-compensated position is synonymous with increased financial capacity to meet basic needs.”
    Explanation: This revision provides a more formal and precise wording while retaining the meaning.
  7. “expenditure on their necessities of life” -> “expenses related to their essential needs”
    Explanation: The suggested phrase is more academically precise and avoids the slightly informal “necessities of life.”
  8. “financial burdens will be remedied” -> “financial burdens will be alleviated”
    Explanation: “Alleviated” is a more formal word choice than “remedied.”
  9. “lifestyle will progress to prosperity” -> “lifestyle will improve to a state of prosperity”
    Explanation: This revision uses more formal language to convey the idea of improvement in lifestyle.
  10. “On the other hand, I believe that there are chances for career advancement along with income rate to be an aspect in consideration for a job.” -> “On the other hand, I contend that considering opportunities for career advancement in addition to income is crucial when evaluating a job.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains formality while providing a clearer and more precise expression of the idea.
  11. “The motive for an employee’s devotion to a company” -> “The incentive for an employee’s dedication to a company”
    Explanation: “Incentive” is a more formal word choice here.
  12. “have great awards for their progress” -> “reward employees for their achievements”
    Explanation: The suggested improvement uses a more standard phrase for acknowledging employee performance.
  13. “show perseverance in order to attain a higher position in a company system” -> “demonstrate perseverance in pursuit of a higher position within a company’s hierarchy”
    Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and uses more formal language.
  14. “there is little potential for their further career progression.” -> “their prospects for further career advancement become limited.”
    Explanation: The revised sentence is more precise and formal.
  15. “In conclusion, making a decision between jobs should include a stronger chance for advancing in career and high wage.” -> “In conclusion, when making a career choice, it is essential to consider both the opportunity for career advancement and a competitive salary.”
    Explanation: The suggested improvement maintains formality and clarity while restating the main points of the essay.

 

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: “There is no room for doubt that it is in many cases a priority for a job with great remuneration as it is a catalyst for the constant working of people in this modern era. However, deciding on a job is not solely affected by pay rate but job satisfaction and job advancement are other impacts that contribute to the decision.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction sets the stage well by acknowledging the importance of high remuneration in job selection. However, it would be beneficial to explicitly state your stance on the issue, whether you fully agree, disagree, or hold a nuanced position. This clarity will provide a roadmap for your reader. For instance, you could say, “While a substantial salary is undoubtedly crucial, I contend that job satisfaction and career advancement should not be overlooked in the decision-making process.”
    • Improved example: “There is no room for doubt that it is in many cases a priority for a job with great remuneration as it is a catalyst for the constant working of people in this modern era. However, deciding on a job is not solely affected by pay rate. I firmly believe that job satisfaction and career advancement are equally vital considerations that contribute to the decision.”
  2. Quoted text: “On the one hand, the idea that remuneration has a vital impact on making decisions between jobs is reasonable to some extent. A high salary is the key factor for people to improve their quality of life.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: You present a valid viewpoint supporting the significance of a high salary. However, to strengthen your argument, consider providing specific examples or personal experiences that illustrate how a higher income directly contributes to an improved quality of life. This will add depth and authenticity to your response.
    • Improved example: “On the one hand, the idea that remuneration has a vital impact on making decisions between jobs is reasonable to some extent. A high salary is the key factor for people to improve their quality of life. For instance, a substantial income allows individuals to afford better healthcare, educational opportunities for their children, and a comfortable living environment. Drawing from my own experience, a higher salary in my previous job significantly enhanced my overall well-being.”
  3. Quoted text: “Another benefit of high prosperity for career advancement is incentivizing individual’s industriousness at work. Obviously, in a corporation, the level of dedication and personal performance is commensurate with their position, which means people are satisfied with the progress they devote to the advancement of a company.”
    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument regarding the link between high prosperity and career advancement is well-founded. To bolster this, provide specific examples or anecdotes illustrating how individuals’ dedication and performance correlate with their career progression. This will add a personal touch to your essay, making it more compelling.
    • Improved example: “Another benefit of high prosperity for career advancement is incentivizing individual’s industriousness at work. Obviously, in a corporation, the level of dedication and personal performance is commensurate with their position. For instance, during my tenure at XYZ company, I witnessed colleagues who, motivated by the prospect of career growth, consistently exceeded performance expectations. This not only elevated their positions within the company but also underscored the intrinsic connection between financial incentives and professional development.”

Overall, while your essay effectively addresses the task and presents a clear position, enhancing it with specific examples and personal experiences would elevate the depth and persuasiveness of your argument.

 

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively introduces the topic and the two sides of the argument. Each paragraph presents a clear central idea, and there is a cohesive flow of information between paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are instances where there is some overuse of certain cohesive devices, and a few sentences could benefit from smoother transitions.

Paragraphing is well-managed, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The essay effectively addresses both sides of the issue, discussing the importance of high income and the significance of career advancement. The conclusion summarizes the key points and reinforces the idea that both high wage and career advancement are crucial considerations when choosing a job.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to avoid slight overuse and ensure a smoother transition between sentences. Additionally, pay attention to the balance of ideas within paragraphs to maintain a consistent flow. Make sure each cohesive device serves a specific purpose and contributes to the overall clarity of the essay.

 

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively discusses the importance of both high income and career advancement in job selection, showcasing a reasonable command of vocabulary. The writer employs a variety of words and expressions, contributing to the overall lexical resource. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as “constant working” and “advancement are other impacts,” which slightly affect the precision of expression.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, focus on refining word choice and collocation. Pay attention to the accuracy of expressions to convey ideas with greater precision. Additionally, strive for more natural phrasing to reduce occasional inaccuracies and elevate the overall sophistication of language use. Proofreading for such errors will contribute to a more polished and refined lexical performance.

 

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, showcasing a good level of control over grammar and punctuation. The writer successfully employs a mix of sentence forms, incorporating both simple and complex structures to convey ideas. The essay contains frequent error-free sentences, contributing to a clear and coherent presentation. While some minor errors are present, they do not significantly impede communication and can be classified as occasional ‘slips.’ Overall, the essay displays a good command of grammatical range and accuracy.

How to Improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider revising sentence structures for increased complexity and variety. Additionally, pay careful attention to minor errors, such as articles and prepositions, to ensure a higher level of precision in language use. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help eliminate these minor slips and further elevate the overall quality of the written expression.

 

Bài sửa mẫu

There is no denying that, in many cases, prioritizing a job with a substantial income is crucial, acting as a driving force for people in this contemporary era. However, the selection of a job is not solely influenced by the salary; factors such as job satisfaction and career advancement also play significant roles in this decision-making process.

On one hand, the notion that income has a pivotal impact on job decisions is reasonable to some extent. A generous salary is key for individuals to enhance their quality of life. A well-paid job equates to more financial resources for basic needs, education, and leisure activities. When an individual’s cost of living is no longer a major concern, and they have time for recreational pursuits, it is more likely that their financial burdens will be alleviated, and their lifestyle will progress towards prosperity. As long as financial freedom and other aspects of life are fulfilled, living standards improve in correlation with the pay rate.

On the other hand, I contend that the potential for career advancement, in addition to income, should be a consideration when choosing a job. Employees are motivated by the opportunity to climb the corporate hierarchy. Job promotions signify the recognition of an employee’s performance and come with significant rewards for their contributions. Without the prospect of demonstrating perseverance to attain a higher position in a company, there is limited potential for further career progression. Another advantage of financial prosperity in career advancement is that it encourages individuals to be industrious at work. In a corporate setting, dedication and personal performance correspond to one’s position, fostering satisfaction with the progress they contribute to the company’s advancement.

In conclusion, the decision-making process for choosing a job should encompass both the potential for career advancement and a high wage. These aspects have a definitive impact on an individual’s quality of life, career progression, and job satisfaction.

 

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