the number of foreign tourists visiting XCountry
the number of foreign tourists visiting XCountry
The bar chart illustrates the quantity of visitors, who come from many countries of the world, travel to XCountry from 2019 to 2020, combining a table that provides information about the amount of money earned each year by the different businesses in XCountry, presented in million dollars.
Overall, it is clear that the decrease in the number of overseas tourists examined, which led to considerable decline in income of the tourism industry in 2020.
In terms of the number of foreign tourists, in 2019, China & Japan were the most visited countries, approximately 3 million tourists, remaining countries hovering around 2.3 to 2.7 million tourists. However, in 2020, most countries significantly dropped to an average of approximately 1 million tourists. Specifically, the quantity of tourists coming US & Canada deep decreased, from 2.3 down to 0.3 million tourists, while Australia only reduced from 2.7 to 2.2 million tourists.
Regarding the amount of money earned, in 2019, Hotel & Resort was the industry that brought the largest revenue, that was 3.5 million dollars. Nevertheless, the predicted was that the year 2020 would see a important fall of more than 3 million dollars for Hotel & Resort industry, while Tour Guides, Small Vendors, and Other Services witnessed a least significant fall, from 1.4 to 1.1 million dollars.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"who come from many countries of the world" -> "from various countries worldwide"
Explanation: "From various countries worldwide" is more concise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction. -
"travel to XCountry" -> "visit XCountry"
Explanation: "Visit" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic writing when discussing tourism, replacing the less formal "travel to". -
"combining a table" -> "accompanied by a table"
Explanation: "Accompanied by" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a close association with the table, rather than "combining", which is somewhat vague. -
"considerable decline" -> "significant decline"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more precise and academically accepted term than "considerable" when describing the extent of change. -
"hovering around" -> "ranging from"
Explanation: "Ranging from" is a more precise and formal way to describe the variation in numbers, avoiding the colloquial tone of "hovering around". -
"deep decreased" -> "significantly decreased"
Explanation: "Significantly decreased" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the description. -
"the predicted was that" -> "it was predicted that"
Explanation: "It was predicted that" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence, making it more formal and clear. -
"important fall" -> "substantial decline"
Explanation: "Substantial decline" is a more precise and formal term than "important fall", which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing. -
"least significant fall" -> "the smallest decline"
Explanation: "The smallest decline" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the comparative size of the decrease, avoiding the awkward construction of "least significant".
These changes refine the essay’s language to meet academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task, but it does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay provides a general overview of the data, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends. The essay also includes some irrelevant information, such as the amount of money earned by different businesses in XCountry.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on the key features/bullet points of the data, and avoid including irrelevant information. The essay should also be more concise and to the point.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion suitable for Band 6. The information is generally organized coherently with an attempt at overall progression. There is a clear introduction and conclusion, although the body paragraphs could be more logically structured to enhance coherence.
Cohesion is attempted with some success, though there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences. For example, the transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother to improve clarity and flow. Additionally, some of the cohesive devices used are not always accurate or appropriately applied, which affects the overall coherence.
Paragraphing is used, but not consistently logically. The essay contains multiple ideas within paragraphs that could be better separated into distinct paragraphs to improve organization and coherence. Overall, while there is a basic coherence and an attempt at cohesion, there are several areas where improvements could lead to a higher score.
How to improve:
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Logical Organization: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and logical progression of ideas. Avoid mixing multiple ideas within the same paragraph.
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Cohesive Devices: Use cohesive devices more accurately and effectively. Focus on using linking words and phrases that clearly show the relationships between sentences and ideas.
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Paragraph Structure: Review paragraphing to ensure each paragraph presents a single main idea or argument. Consider using topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph.
By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching Band 7 in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary suitable for the task. While it adequately conveys basic information about the number of tourists and the income of different businesses, the vocabulary is repetitive and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For example, "deep decreased" should be "steep decrease," "least significant fall" should be "least significant decline," and "important fall" should be "significant decline."
How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:
- Increase Vocabulary Range: Use a wider variety of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and fluently.
- Correct Errors: Pay attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation to avoid inaccuracies that affect clarity.
- Work on Expression: Aim for more natural and appropriate expressions, such as using "steep decrease" instead of "deep decreased," and "significant decline" instead of "important fall."
By focusing on these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource by demonstrating more precise and varied use of language.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and some complex sentences. There are instances where complex structures are attempted but not always accurately executed, such as "the quantity of tourists coming US & Canada deep decreased" and "the predicted was that the year 2020 would see a important fall." Grammatical errors are frequent throughout the essay, affecting clarity and precision. Punctuation is also inconsistent, which sometimes hinders readability.
How to improve:
- Sentence Structures: Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures more accurately. Practice incorporating complex sentences where appropriate to enhance clarity and demonstrate grammatical range.
- Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing common errors and practicing correct usage. Ensure consistent and appropriate use of punctuation to aid readability and coherence.
Improving these areas will help elevate the band score by demonstrating greater control over grammatical range and accuracy, essential for higher bands in IELTS Task 2 writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
The bar chart presents data on the number of foreign tourists visiting XCountry from 2019 to 2020, accompanied by a table showing the revenue earned by various sectors within XCountry’s tourism industry in million dollars.
In 2019, the highest number of foreign tourists came from China and Japan, each totaling approximately 3 million visitors, with other countries ranging between 2.3 to 2.7 million tourists. However, in 2020, there was a significant decline across the board, with most countries averaging around 1 million tourists. Specifically, tourist numbers from the US and Canada plummeted from 2.3 million to 0.3 million, while Australia saw a decrease from 2.7 million to 2.2 million tourists.
Regarding revenue, in 2019, the Hotel & Resort sector generated the highest income at 3.5 million dollars. However, in 2020, this sector experienced a substantial decline of more than 3 million dollars. Conversely, Tour Guides, Small Vendors, and Other Services saw a more modest decrease, from 1.4 million to 1.1 million dollars.
Overall, the data illustrates a sharp decrease in both tourist numbers and revenue for XCountry’s tourism industry in 2020 compared to 2019.
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