The organized tour to remote places and communities are more popular. Is it a positive or negative improvement for local people and environment?

The popularity of travelling agencies to unfamiliar areas has aroused a concern about its advantages and disadvantages. From my perspective, this tendency brings numerous demerits outweighed by merits in environment and citizenry.

The dominance of organized tour to outlandish places contributes to economic growth in attraction areas. To be specific, various employment opportunities relating to this field are created for local inhabitants who not only maintain financial stability from these jobs but also enrich locally cultural value. For instance, with the growing emergence of international travelling, Vietnam has become one of the attractive places for visitors from other countries, that improves living standard of many people and national economy from tourism by business. With this tendency, cultural heritages and customs are disseminated to international travellers like wearing Ao dai, savoring traditional meals, effectively supporting the cultural diffusion. In addition, the widespread presence of this tendency facilitates for general populace to expose the diversity of different culture, expanding their horizons and having many experiences. This can be explained that medium and low income-individuals can visit remoted areas from promotions and affordable travelling by the quick development of tourism agencies, so they might have special experiences which expand relationships and realistic knowledge. The attraction of journeys to many long-distant areas and approach these communities are associated with many benefits from economic development and heightening cultural knowledge.

Although these advantages are undeniable, many potentially environmental issues derived from this trend should be considered. With the influx of tourists, the environmental contamination has become more exacerbated; as some individuals do not have environmental protection behaviors from indiscriminately littering, negatively affecting locally common spaces. Moreover, the proliferation of tourism advancement is detrimentally global environment. The carbon footprint is emitted from long travelling, leading to environmental degradation. Therefore, negatively environmental consequences of this phenomenon should not be overlooked.

In conclusion, while the global spread of organized tours poses risks to the environment, I believe that it is more of a positive development, offering economic benefits and local people satisfaction.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The popularity of travelling agencies" -> "The popularity of travel agencies"
Explanation: "Traveling" should be "travel" to maintain the correct form of the verb in this context, as "travel" is the noun form, not "travelling" which is the gerund form.
"unfamiliar areas" -> "unfamiliar regions"
Explanation: "Regions" is a more precise and formal term than "areas," which is somewhat vague and less specific in this context.
"aroused a concern" -> "raised concerns"
Explanation: "Raised concerns" is a more natural and formal expression than "aroused a concern," which is somewhat awkward and less commonly used in academic writing.
"numerous demerits outweighed by merits" -> "numerous drawbacks outweigh the benefits"
Explanation: "Drawbacks" and "benefits" are more commonly used in academic contexts than "demerits" and "merits," which can sound archaic and less precise.
"outlandish places" -> "remote areas"
Explanation: "Remote areas" is a more precise and formal term than "outlandish places," which is colloquial and less appropriate for academic writing.
"enrich locally cultural value" -> "enhance local cultural values"
Explanation: "Enhance" is more precise than "enrich," and "local cultural values" is grammatically correct compared to "locally cultural value."
"improves living standard of many people" -> "improves the living standards of many people"
Explanation: "The living standards" is grammatically correct and more formal than "living standard."
"national economy from tourism by business" -> "national economy through tourism-related businesses"
Explanation: "Through tourism-related businesses" is clearer and more specific than "from tourism by business," which is awkward and unclear.
"facilitates for general populace" -> "facilitates for the general public"
Explanation: "The general public" is a more formal and correct term than "general populace," which is less commonly used and can be seen as informal.
"diversity of different culture" -> "diversity of cultures"
Explanation: "Diversity of cultures" is grammatically correct and more formal than "diversity of different culture."
"medium and low income-individuals" -> "individuals of medium and low income"
Explanation: "Individuals of medium and low income" is grammatically correct and more formal than "medium and low income-individuals."
"special experiences which expand relationships" -> "unique experiences that broaden relationships"
Explanation: "Unique experiences that broaden relationships" is more precise and academically appropriate than "special experiences which expand relationships."
"long-distant areas" -> "remote areas"
Explanation: "Remote areas" is a more commonly used and accepted term than "long-distant areas," which is awkward and less precise.
"environmental contamination" -> "environmental degradation"
Explanation: "Environmental degradation" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts than "environmental contamination."
"environmental degradation" -> "environmental degradation"
Explanation: Remove the unnecessary space before the period to maintain proper punctuation.
"I believe" -> "it is believed"
Explanation: "It is believed" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than the first-person expression "I believe."
"local people satisfaction" -> "satisfaction among local people"
Explanation: "Satisfaction among local people" is grammatically correct and more formal than "local people satisfaction," which is awkward and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of organized tours to remote places, which is essential for fully answering the prompt. The author discusses economic benefits and cultural exchange as positives, while also acknowledging environmental issues as negatives. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. For instance, while the economic advantages are elaborated upon, the environmental concerns are mentioned but not as thoroughly explored in terms of specific examples or potential solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should aim to provide a more detailed examination of the negative impacts, perhaps by including specific examples of environmental degradation caused by tourism. Additionally, discussing potential measures that could mitigate these issues would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of organized tours outweigh the drawbacks. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the positives and negatives could be smoother, as the shift may confuse readers regarding the overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use clearer transitional phrases when moving from positive to negative points. For example, explicitly stating that despite the positives, the negatives must be acknowledged, would help reinforce the author’s position while maintaining a balanced view.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding economic growth and cultural exchange. However, some points lack sufficient development. For example, the mention of "employment opportunities" could be expanded with more specific examples of job types created by tourism. Additionally, the environmental section could benefit from more detailed explanations of the types of environmental damage that can occur.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on key points with specific examples and data where possible. For instance, discussing specific regions affected by tourism or citing studies on environmental impacts would strengthen the argument. Furthermore, providing counterarguments or addressing potential criticisms of the positive aspects would enhance the depth of the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of organized tours for local communities and the environment. However, some sentences, particularly in the discussion of cultural exchange, could be perceived as slightly tangential, as they delve into broader benefits without directly linking back to the local context.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the effects of organized tours on local people and the environment. This could involve tightening the language and ensuring that all examples are explicitly connected to the main argument of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there are areas for improvement in terms of depth, balance, and clarity. By providing more detailed examples, ensuring smoother transitions, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic, the author can enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the context and presents the writer’s viewpoint. However, the logical flow within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing economic benefits to cultural diffusion is somewhat abrupt. The second body paragraph introduces environmental issues but could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous points about tourism’s benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point flows naturally into the next. For example, after discussing economic benefits, a transitional phrase could be used to introduce the environmental concerns, such as "Despite these economic advantages, it is crucial to address the potential environmental repercussions."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the first body paragraph is quite lengthy and could be broken down into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on economic benefits and the other on cultural aspects. This would enhance readability and allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Aim for a balance in paragraph length and complexity. Each paragraph should ideally contain one main idea and supporting details. Consider splitting the first body paragraph into two: one discussing economic growth and job creation, and the other focusing on cultural exchange and enrichment. This will help maintain clarity and allow for more detailed discussion of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to be specific," "for instance," and "in addition," which help link ideas. However, there is a limited variety of cohesive devices used, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the phrase "this can be explained that" is awkward and could be more fluid. Additionally, the use of linking words to contrast ideas (e.g., "however," "on the other hand") is minimal, which could enhance the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore" or "moreover" to add information, and "however" or "nevertheless" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help avoid repetition and improve the flow of the essay. For example, instead of repeating "this tendency," you could use "this trend" or "such developments" in subsequent references.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument. By focusing on improving the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "economic growth," "cultural diffusion," and "environmental contamination." These words effectively convey the writer’s ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, some phrases, such as "organized tour to outlandish places," could be considered slightly awkward or less common, which may detract from the overall fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of "outlandish places," alternatives like "remote destinations" or "unexplored regions" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "tourism development" instead of "tourism advancement" could improve the naturalness of the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary, such as "economic stability" and "cultural heritage." However, there are also moments of imprecision, such as "the dominance of organized tour," which could be more accurately phrased as "the rise of organized tours." Additionally, the phrase "environmental contamination" is somewhat vague; more specific terms like "pollution" or "ecosystem disruption" could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For instance, instead of saying "the influx of tourists," specifying "the increasing number of tourists" may provide clearer context. Furthermore, reviewing vocabulary choices for specificity and appropriateness in context will strengthen the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few errors, such as "remoted areas," which should be corrected to "remote areas," and "medium and low income-individuals," which could be better phrased as "individuals with medium and low incomes."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also help improve overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "not only… but also" and "in addition" effectively connects ideas and adds complexity. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the overall effectiveness, such as "the dominance of organized tour to outlandish places" where "tours" should be plural. The use of passive voice is limited, and more varied sentence openings could enhance the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more passive constructions and vary the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "The," the writer could begin with adverbial phrases or subordinate clauses to create a more engaging rhythm. Additionally, practicing the use of different conjunctions and transitional phrases can help in constructing more complex sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several errors that impact clarity. For example, "the popularity of travelling agencies" should be "travel agencies," and "remoted areas" should be "remote areas." Punctuation is generally correct, but there are some run-on sentences that could benefit from clearer separation. For instance, the sentence "With the growing emergence of international travelling, Vietnam has become one of the attractive places for visitors from other countries, that improves living standard of many people and national economy from tourism by business" is overly long and could be broken into shorter, more digestible sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and word choice. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these mistakes. Additionally, practicing sentence segmentation can improve clarity; breaking long sentences into shorter ones can make the writing more effective and easier to read.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, focusing on the suggested areas for improvement will help elevate the grammatical range and accuracy, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The popularity of travel agencies to unfamiliar areas has raised concerns about its advantages and disadvantages. From my perspective, this tendency brings numerous drawbacks that outweigh the benefits for the environment and local communities.

The dominance of organized tours to remote places contributes to economic growth in attractive areas. To be specific, various employment opportunities related to this field are created for local inhabitants who not only maintain financial stability from these jobs but also enhance local cultural values. For instance, with the growing emergence of international travel, Vietnam has become one of the attractive places for visitors from other countries, improving the living standards of many people and boosting the national economy through tourism-related businesses. With this tendency, cultural heritages and customs are disseminated to international travelers, such as wearing Ao Dai and savoring traditional meals, effectively supporting cultural diffusion. In addition, the widespread presence of this tendency facilitates the general public’s exposure to the diversity of different cultures, expanding their horizons and providing many unique experiences. This can be explained by the fact that individuals of medium and low income can visit remote areas through promotions and affordable travel options made possible by the quick development of tourism agencies, allowing them to have special experiences that broaden relationships and realistic knowledge. The attraction of journeys to many distant areas and access to these communities are associated with many benefits from economic development and heightened cultural awareness.

Although these advantages are undeniable, many potential environmental issues derived from this trend should be considered. With the influx of tourists, environmental contamination has become more exacerbated, as some individuals do not engage in environmentally protective behaviors, such as indiscriminately littering, which negatively affects local common spaces. Moreover, the proliferation of tourism advancements is detrimental to the global environment. The carbon footprint emitted from long-distance travel leads to environmental degradation. Therefore, the negative environmental consequences of this phenomenon should not be overlooked.

In conclusion, while the global spread of organized tours poses risks to the environment, I believe that it is more of a positive development, offering economic benefits and satisfaction among local people.