The organized tours to remote areas and communities are more popular. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment?

Traveling to far-off destinations and communities has currently become one of the most developed types of tourism. This essay will first look at the root of this development before concluding that this is largely a beneficial trend.

The popularity of organized tours to remote regions and communities can be attributed to two major reasons. Initially, owing to the rapid development of technology and its profound influence on every aspect of life, people nowadays are able to visit and explore untouched areas with fewer challenges than ever. In other words, modern transportation systems, GPS devices and protective equipment are well developed, not only making unfamiliar landscapes more accessible, but also allowing individuals or groups to commute and discover these environments more safely. This is compounded by the fact that individuals' curiosity level has been heightened due to the exposure of information on the Internet. A pertinent example of this would be the popularity of tours to Son Dong cave located in Quang Binh province of Vietnam, which attracted thousands of either domestic or international tourists thanks to the widespread of images, videos and reviews spreaded on various social media platforms, albeit its hazardous landscape.

Opponents of this traveling type may argue that human exploitations would damage the nature of these environments to some extent, however, I am of the opinion that this is rather a positive development. First, the increase in the number of organized tours to distant destinations and communities yields economic benefits to the locals. Oftentimes, not only will businesses invest in these areas for constructing accommodation or transportation services, but visitors will also be willing to pay money for buying food, beverages as well as other fundamental services. Such actions might provide local people with numerous job opportunities or sources of incomes, and thereby driving the economic growth of the area in general. It should also be noted that once the average income of local dwellers are raised significantly, their living qualities and well-being will also be improved. This, in turn, creates a well-developed and prosperous living area.

In conclusion, not only the growth of technology, but also the widespread of information has contributed to the prevalence of guided tours to far-off destinations. While there are indeed arguments about the side effects of this development, I contend that those are eclipsed by its merits and this is mostly a positive trend.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Traveling to far-off destinations and communities" -> "Traveling to distant destinations and communities"
Explanation: "Far-off" is somewhat informal and less precise in this context. "Distant" is more commonly used in formal academic writing to describe geographical locations.
"has currently become" -> "has become"
Explanation: The adverb "currently" is redundant when "has become" is used to describe a general trend. Removing it enhances the sentence’s conciseness and formality.
"one of the most developed types of tourism" -> "one of the most prominent forms of tourism"
Explanation: "Developed" can be ambiguous and might imply a different meaning than intended. "Prominent" is more precise and appropriate for describing the popularity of tourism types.
"look at the root of this development" -> "examine the causes of this development"
Explanation: "Look at" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Examine" is more precise and suitable for formal analysis.
"owing to" -> "due to"
Explanation: "Owing to" is less commonly used in modern English and can sound archaic. "Due to" is more straightforward and universally accepted.
"people nowadays" -> "individuals today"
Explanation: "People nowadays" is informal and slightly colloquial. "Individuals today" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"well developed" -> "well-developed"
Explanation: "Well developed" should be hyphenated to form an adjective, adhering to standard English grammar rules.
"not only making unfamiliar landscapes more accessible, but also allowing" -> "not only making these landscapes more accessible but also enabling"
Explanation: "Unfamiliar landscapes" is redundant as "these landscapes" is already specified. "Enabling" is a more precise verb than "allowing" in this context.
"heightened due to the exposure of information on the Internet" -> "heightened by the exposure of information on the Internet"
Explanation: "Due to" is less formal than "by," which is more commonly used in academic writing to indicate causality.
"widespread of images, videos and reviews spreaded" -> "widespread dissemination of images, videos, and reviews"
Explanation: "Widespread of" is grammatically incorrect. "Dissemination" is a more formal term that correctly describes the spread of information.
"human exploitations would damage" -> "human exploitation would damage"
Explanation: "Exploitations" is incorrect as it is not a commonly used term in this context. "Exploitation" is the correct noun form.
"to some extent" -> "to a certain extent"
Explanation: "To some extent" is a bit informal and vague. "To a certain extent" is more precise and formal.
"Oftentimes" -> "Often"
Explanation: "Oftentimes" is slightly informal and verbose. "Often" is more concise and suitable for academic writing.
"will also be willing to pay money for buying" -> "will also pay for"
Explanation: "For buying" is redundant. "Pay for" is sufficient and more direct.
"once the average income of local dwellers are raised significantly" -> "once the average income of local residents is significantly increased"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is less common and slightly informal; "residents" is more appropriate. "Is increased" corrects the subject-verb agreement.
"living qualities and well-being" -> "living standards and well-being"
Explanation: "Living qualities" is not a standard term. "Living standards" is the correct phrase used in academic and formal contexts.
"creates a well-developed and prosperous living area" -> "creates a well-developed and prosperous community"
Explanation: "Living area" is vague and informal. "Community" is the correct term for describing a group of people living in a particular area.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for the growing popularity of organized tours to remote areas, such as technological advancements and increased access to information. The essay also evaluates the impact of this trend on local communities and the environment, concluding that it is largely positive. The mention of economic benefits to locals provides a strong response to the second part of the question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a more balanced discussion of potential negative impacts on the environment, such as ecological degradation or cultural commodification. Acknowledging these aspects would provide a more nuanced view and demonstrate critical thinking.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the trend of organized tours is beneficial. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the economic advantages for local communities are emphasized. However, the acknowledgment of opposing views is somewhat limited, which could lead to a perception of bias.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity and consistency of the position, the essay could explicitly address counterarguments in more depth. For instance, after presenting the economic benefits, the author could briefly discuss the potential negative consequences and then refute them, reinforcing the positive stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, particularly in the discussion of technological advancements and their role in increasing tourism. The use of specific examples, such as the Son Dong cave, effectively supports the argument. However, the development of ideas could be more extensive, particularly regarding the implications for the environment.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author could provide additional examples or data to substantiate claims about economic benefits. Including statistics on tourism growth or specific case studies of communities that have thrived due to tourism could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the reasons for the popularity of organized tours and their implications for local communities and the environment. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the structure of the essay supports this focus.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each paragraph directly ties back to the main argument can enhance coherence. The author might consider using topic sentences that explicitly connect back to the prompt, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in addressing counterarguments, providing more extensive support for ideas, and ensuring every point ties back to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first focusing on the reasons for the popularity of organized tours and the second addressing the positive impacts on local communities. The progression from one idea to the next is smooth, and the use of transitional phrases helps guide the reader through the argument. For example, the transition from discussing technological advancements to the example of Son Dong cave is effective in illustrating the point made.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases at the beginning of paragraphs to signal shifts in focus. For instance, starting the second body paragraph with a phrase like "On the other hand" could clarify the contrast between the potential negative impacts and the positive outcomes discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and supporting details are appropriately included. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific aspects of the argument. However, the conclusion could be more distinct by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs rather than merely restating the introduction.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by explicitly summarizing the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This could involve briefly reiterating the reasons for the popularity of organized tours and their benefits to local communities, thereby reinforcing the essay’s overall message.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "initially," "in other words," and "first," which help to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, the use of examples, such as the reference to Son Dong cave, effectively illustrates points made. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this is compounded by" is somewhat repetitive and could be replaced with alternatives to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this is compounded by," you might use "furthermore," "additionally," or "moreover" to introduce supporting ideas. This will create a more engaging reading experience and demonstrate a higher level of linguistic proficiency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, effectively addressing the prompt while maintaining clarity and logical progression. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the coherence and cohesion of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "profound influence," "untouched areas," and "hazardous landscape." These phrases indicate a solid understanding of the topic and the ability to express complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "developed" and "development" could be replaced with synonyms like "advancement" or "progression" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader array of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of saying "the popularity of organized tours," you could say "the increasing appeal of guided excursions." Additionally, using idiomatic expressions or more specialized vocabulary related to tourism could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are a few instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "human exploitations would damage the nature" could be better articulated as "human exploitation could harm the natural environment." The term "widespread of images" is also awkward; it should be "widespread images." Such inaccuracies can detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure they convey the intended meaning more precisely. Reading more academic texts or articles on tourism can help you identify more appropriate vocabulary. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing sentences can enhance your ability to choose the right words in context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "spreaded," which should be "spread." The phrase "the widespread of images" also contains a grammatical error, as "widespread" should not be used as a noun. These errors indicate a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your work with fresh eyes. Utilize spell-check tools, but also read your essay aloud to catch any errors that may not be flagged. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and earns a Band Score of 7, focusing on increasing lexical variety, improving precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "In other words, modern transportation systems, GPS devices and protective equipment are well developed, not only making unfamiliar landscapes more accessible, but also allowing individuals or groups to commute and discover these environments more safely" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of varied sentence openings and lengths contributes to a dynamic flow. However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be elevated to enhance sophistication, such as the repetitive use of "this is" and "that is" in some sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the sentence openings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This is," try beginning with dependent clauses or transitional phrases. Additionally, using more passive constructions or inversion can add complexity and variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "the widespread of images, videos and reviews spreaded on various social media platforms," where "spreaded" should be corrected to "spread." Additionally, the phrase "the average income of local dwellers are raised significantly" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "the average income of local dwellers is raised significantly." Punctuation is mostly accurate, though the use of commas could be improved for clarity, especially in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Proofreading for common errors, such as incorrect verb tenses and forms, can help. Additionally, consider using punctuation to clarify meaning, particularly in complex sentences. For example, adding commas to separate clauses can improve readability and comprehension.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, but with targeted improvements in sentence variety and careful proofreading, it could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

Traveling to distant destinations and communities has become one of the most prominent forms of tourism. This essay will first examine the causes of this development before concluding that it is largely a beneficial trend.

The popularity of organized tours to remote regions and communities can be attributed to two major reasons. Initially, due to the rapid advancement of technology and its profound influence on every aspect of life, individuals today are able to visit and explore untouched areas with fewer challenges than ever. In other words, modern transportation systems, GPS devices, and protective equipment are well-developed, not only making these landscapes more accessible but also enabling individuals or groups to navigate and discover these environments more safely. This is further heightened by the exposure of information on the Internet. A pertinent example of this would be the popularity of tours to Son Dong Cave located in Quang Binh province of Vietnam, which attracted thousands of domestic and international tourists thanks to the widespread dissemination of images, videos, and reviews shared on various social media platforms, despite its hazardous landscape.

Opponents of this type of travel may argue that human exploitation would damage the nature of these environments to a certain extent; however, I am of the opinion that this is rather a positive development. First, the increase in the number of organized tours to distant destinations and communities yields economic benefits for the locals. Often, not only will businesses invest in these areas to construct accommodation or transportation services, but visitors will also pay for food, beverages, and other essential services. Such actions might provide local people with numerous job opportunities or sources of income, thereby driving the economic growth of the area in general. It should also be noted that once the average income of local residents is significantly increased, their living standards and well-being will also improve. This, in turn, creates a well-developed and prosperous community.

In conclusion, both the growth of technology and the widespread dissemination of information have contributed to the prevalence of guided tours to far-off destinations. While there are indeed arguments about the potential side effects of this development, I contend that these concerns are eclipsed by its merits, making this trend largely positive.