The organized tours to remote places and communities are more popular.Is it a positive or negative improvement for the local people and the environment?

Off the beaten tracks are witnessed the ubiquity in welcoming the increased number of tourists. While this practice has brought forth some notable disadvantages, from my perspective, the benefits substantially overshadow its associated drawbacks.
On the one hand, the ubiquitous trend in welcoming tours to remote areas and communities is disadvantageous to some extent. One of these is that it has profound implications on environmental activities. This means that the landscapes, surroundings of tourist spots can be destroyed by the unaware, irresponsible activities of some tourists, such as trampling vegetation, throwing garbage, etc., all over the place. Nevertheless, this can be solved by the local government. Depending on the serious level of irresponsible or illegal activities of tourists, mild to heavy fines can be imposed to tackle problems, which can raise people's awareness about protecting local surroundings and deter the intentions to harm the tourist areas.
Despite the above arguments, the aforementioned disadvantages are less considerable in comparison with the advantages. The most obvious advantage of this is that it is vital to witness the development of commercialization of remote areas and communities. Economically, with the rise in welcoming tourists, indigenous people can be engendered with more employment opportunities, which can enhance their living standard. The more tourists they welcome, the more profits from tour-organized activities such as selling local, handcrafted commodities, specialties, performing folk music, and renting accommodation they generate. If there are no tours to remote areas and communities, local people can resort to more demanding, exhausting jobs with less money.
In conclusion, while welcoming more tourists to off-beaten tracks presents undeniable demerits in terms of destroying local surroundings, I am convinced that the demerits are trumped by the merits associated with creating more employment opportunities for indigenous people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Off the beaten tracks are witnessed the ubiquity" -> "Off-the-beaten-path areas are witnessing an ubiquity"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and uses "witnessing" to maintain a formal tone.
"welcoming the increased number of tourists" -> "the increasing number of tourists"
Explanation: "Welcoming" is an action that is typically done by people, not places. Using "the increasing number of tourists" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, making it more appropriate for academic writing.
"has brought forth some notable disadvantages" -> "has resulted in several significant disadvantages"
Explanation: "Brought forth" is somewhat archaic and less precise. "Resulted in" is more contemporary and straightforward, enhancing clarity and formality.
"substantially overshadow its associated drawbacks" -> "substantially outweigh the associated drawbacks"
Explanation: "Overshadow" typically refers to visual or psychological dominance, whereas "outweigh" is more precise in the context of comparing the relative importance of advantages and disadvantages.
"profound implications on environmental activities" -> "significant impacts on environmental activities"
Explanation: "Implications" is often used to refer to the consequences of an action, whereas "impacts" is more direct and appropriate for describing the effects on the environment.
"unaware, irresponsible activities" -> "unintentional, irresponsible activities"
Explanation: "Unaware" implies a lack of knowledge, which is not the intended meaning here. "Unintentional" better conveys the idea of actions done without thought or consideration.
"all over the place" -> "widespread"
Explanation: "All over the place" is informal and vague. "Widespread" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"Depending on the serious level of irresponsible or illegal activities" -> "Depending on the severity of irresponsible or illegal activities"
Explanation: "Serious level" is redundant; "severity" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"mild to heavy fines" -> "moderate to severe fines"
Explanation: "Mild to heavy" is colloquial and less precise. "Moderate to severe" is more formal and commonly used in legal and academic contexts.
"can raise people’s awareness" -> "can increase public awareness"
Explanation: "Raise people’s awareness" is somewhat informal and vague. "Increase public awareness" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style.
"engendered with more employment opportunities" -> "provided with more employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Engendered" is an unusual choice here and may be confusing. "Provided" is clearer and more direct, enhancing readability and formality.
"can resort to more demanding, exhausting jobs with less money" -> "may be forced to accept more demanding, exhausting jobs with lower pay"
Explanation: "Resort to" implies a choice, which is not the intended meaning here. "May be forced to accept" accurately conveys the necessity and lack of choice, and "lower pay" is more precise than "less money."
"undeniable demerits" -> "clear disadvantages"
Explanation: "Undeniable demerits" is somewhat awkward and less common. "Clear disadvantages" is straightforward and maintains a formal tone.
"trumped by the merits" -> "outweighed by the advantages"
Explanation: "Trumped" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Outweighed" is a more formal synonym for "trumped," and "advantages" is more precise than "merits" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt: the positive and negative impacts of organized tours on local people and the environment. The author presents the disadvantages, such as environmental degradation caused by tourists, and counters this with the advantages, particularly the economic benefits for local communities. The mention of potential solutions, such as fines for irresponsible behavior, adds depth to the discussion. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the impacts on the environment and the local people, as well as a more balanced exploration of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the positive and negative impacts on both local communities and the environment. Additionally, discussing how these impacts might vary in different contexts or locations would provide a more nuanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the benefits of organized tours outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother, as the abrupt shift may confuse readers about the overall argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases to better guide the reader through the argument. For instance, explicitly stating "Despite these disadvantages, the advantages are more significant because…" would reinforce the main argument and improve coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several key ideas, such as the economic benefits of tourism and the environmental challenges it poses. However, while the points are relevant, they could be more thoroughly developed. For example, the mention of "employment opportunities" is a strong point, but it could be expanded with specific statistics or examples of how tourism has transformed local economies.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and examples. Incorporating data or real-world examples would provide stronger support for the claims made and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impacts of organized tours on local communities and the environment. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the environmental concerns could be more explicitly linked back to their effects on local people, rather than being treated as separate issues.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This could involve explicitly stating how environmental degradation affects local livelihoods or cultural practices, thereby reinforcing the interconnectedness of the issues discussed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in depth, clarity, and focus, it has the potential to achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first focusing on the disadvantages of increased tourism and the second addressing the advantages. For instance, the transition from discussing environmental concerns to economic benefits is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the connection between the points could be strengthened; for example, the transition from environmental issues to government solutions could be more explicit.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "In contrast" can help clarify shifts between opposing viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with clear distinctions between the discussion of disadvantages and advantages. Each paragraph contains a main idea supported by examples, which aids in comprehension. However, the second paragraph could benefit from further segmentation; the discussion of government intervention could be a separate point to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller paragraphs to avoid overwhelming the reader. For instance, the discussion on government intervention could be a standalone paragraph to emphasize its importance.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "nevertheless," and "despite the above arguments," which help guide the reader through the text. These devices effectively link ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is some repetition in the use of certain phrases, which can detract from the overall cohesiveness.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "nevertheless," you might use "however" or "on the contrary." Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance the flow and keep the reader engaged.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and effective use of cohesive devices. By focusing on improving transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, particularly with terms like "ubiquity," "commercialization," and "indigenous." Phrases such as "off the beaten tracks" and "engendered with more employment opportunities" showcase an ability to use less common language effectively. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the overuse of "tourists" and "remote areas," which could be varied for greater lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "tourists," you could use "visitors," "travelers," or "explorers." Additionally, phrases like "less considerable" could be replaced with "less significant" or "less impactful" to avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the landscapes, surroundings of tourist spots can be destroyed" could be more clearly articulated. The term "environmental activities" is vague and does not convey a specific meaning in the context.
- How to improve: Strive for clarity by choosing more specific vocabulary. Instead of "environmental activities," consider "environmental conservation efforts" or "ecological practices." Additionally, phrases like "the aforementioned disadvantages" could be simplified to "the previously mentioned disadvantages" for clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words like "commercialization," "irresponsible," and "deter" are spelled correctly, indicating a strong grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to regularly practice spelling, especially for more complex or less frequently used words. Engaging in exercises such as writing out vocabulary lists or using spelling apps can further reinforce spelling skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To reach a higher band, focus on expanding vocabulary variety, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining the high standard of spelling already exhibited.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While this practice has brought forth some notable disadvantages, from my perspective, the benefits substantially overshadow its associated drawbacks" effectively convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "the ubiquitous trend in welcoming tours" and "the aforementioned disadvantages" create a sense of redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "the," try beginning sentences with adverbial phrases or using inversion for emphasis, such as "Not only do tourists bring economic benefits, but they also pose environmental challenges."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the landscapes, surroundings of tourist spots can be destroyed" lacks a comma before "can," which can lead to confusion. Additionally, the phrase "engendered with more employment opportunities" is awkward; "provided with" would be more appropriate. The use of punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as in lists or before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proper comma placement, especially in complex sentences. Reviewing rules for comma usage in lists and before conjunctions can be beneficial. Additionally, consider revising awkward phrases for clarity and fluidity. For example, rephrase "engendered with more employment opportunities" to "provided with more employment opportunities" to improve readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Off the beaten path, there is an increasing ubiquity of organized tours welcoming a growing number of tourists. While this trend has resulted in several significant disadvantages, I believe that the benefits substantially outweigh the associated drawbacks.

On the one hand, the widespread trend of welcoming tours to remote areas and communities has clear disadvantages. One major concern is that it has significant impacts on environmental activities. This means that the landscapes and surroundings of tourist spots can be damaged by the unintentional, irresponsible activities of some tourists, such as trampling vegetation and littering. However, this issue can be addressed by local governments. Depending on the severity of irresponsible or illegal activities, moderate to severe fines can be imposed to tackle these problems, which can increase public awareness about protecting local environments and deter harmful behaviors.

Despite these arguments, the aforementioned disadvantages are less considerable when compared to the advantages. The most obvious benefit is the development of commercialization in remote areas and communities. Economically, with the rise in tourism, local people are provided with more employment opportunities, which can enhance their living standards. The more tourists they welcome, the greater the profits from tour-organized activities such as selling local handcrafted goods, specialties, performing folk music, and renting accommodations. Without these tours, local people may be forced to accept more demanding, exhausting jobs with lower pay.

In conclusion, while the influx of tourists to off-the-beaten-path areas presents undeniable drawbacks in terms of environmental degradation, I am convinced that these disadvantages are outweighed by the advantages associated with creating more employment opportunities for local communities.