The picture above shows the plan of museum in 1998 and after some changes were made in 2008. Summarize the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The maps illustrate some changes to the museum over a period of ten years.

Overall, the museum experienced considerable changes during the period shown. The most noticeable differences between the two maps are the expansion of the permanent exhibition on the eastern side and the disappearance of the permanent exhibition rooms in the western region.
As can be seen from the maps, from 1998 to 2008, the ticket entrance and exit in the south of the museum remained unchanged. During the same period, a cafe sitting area and the fountains were constructed in the garden in the middle of the museum plan. The shop, WC, bags and coats regions at the lower right corner were demolished for the extension of the permanent exhibition rooms in the east of the museum, while another WC was built in the north of the museum.
Turning to other features, the permanent exhibition rooms on the western side were destroyed and replaced with the temporary exhibition room and the restaurant. The bags and coats area and the shop were built on the original site of the temporary exhibition room in the lower left corner in 1998.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Overall, the museum experienced considerable changes during the period shown." -> "In sum, the museum underwent significant alterations over the depicted decade."
Explanation: Replacing "considerable changes" with "significant alterations" elevates the vocabulary and provides a more precise description of the transformations.
"The most noticeable differences between the two maps are the expansion of the permanent exhibition on the eastern side and the disappearance of the permanent exhibition rooms in the western region." -> "The prominent disparities depicted in the maps include the expansion of the permanent exhibition on the eastern flank and the absence of permanent exhibition rooms in the western sector."
Explanation: "Differences" is replaced with "disparities" for a more formal tone, and "region" is substituted with "sector" for clarity and specificity.
"As can be seen from the maps, from 1998 to 2008, the ticket entrance and exit in the south of the museum remained unchanged." -> "Evident from the maps, the ticket entrance and exit situated in the southern precinct of the museum remained unaltered from 1998 to 2008."
Explanation: "As can be seen" is replaced with "Evident from," offering a more sophisticated alternative. "Unchanged" is replaced with "unaltered" for variety.
"During the same period, a cafe sitting area and the fountains were constructed in the garden in the middle of the museum plan." -> "Simultaneously, a café seating area and fountains were erected within the central garden of the museum layout."
Explanation: "Constructed" is replaced with "erected" for a more formal term, and "sitting area" is replaced with "seating area" for precision.
"The shop, WC, bags and coats regions at the lower right corner were demolished for the extension of the permanent exhibition rooms in the east of the museum, while another WC was built in the north of the museum." -> "The shop, WC facilities, and cloakroom areas at the lower right corner were razed to facilitate the expansion of the permanent exhibition rooms to the east, with an additional WC being erected in the northern section of the museum."
Explanation: "Regions" is replaced with "areas" for conciseness. "Demolished" is replaced with "razed" for a more formal term, and "built" is replaced with "erected" for consistency.
"Turning to other features, the permanent exhibition rooms on the western side were destroyed and replaced with the temporary exhibition room and the restaurant." -> "Regarding other aspects, the permanent exhibition rooms on the western wing were dismantled and substituted with a temporary exhibition space and a restaurant."
Explanation: "Destroyed" is replaced with "dismantled" for a more nuanced description. "Turn to" is replaced with "regarding" for variety.
"The bags and coats area and the shop were built on the original site of the temporary exhibition room in the lower left corner in 1998." -> "The cloakroom area and the shop were erected on the original site of the temporary exhibition room in the lower-left corner in 1998."
Explanation: "Built" is replaced with "erected" for consistency. "Bags and coats area" is replaced with "cloakroom area" for a more precise term.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features and making relevant comparisons between the museum plans in 1998 and 2008. It presents a clear overview of the changes that occurred during the given period, highlighting the expansion of the permanent exhibition on the eastern side and the disappearance of the permanent exhibition rooms on the western side. Key features such as the ticket entrance, cafe sitting area, fountains, WC locations, and changes in exhibition rooms are addressed and compared between the two maps.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed descriptions of the changes, such as the size of the expansion and the reasons behind the demolition and construction of specific areas. Additionally, ensuring accuracy in describing the locations and functions of different features would enhance the clarity of the comparison.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from describing the changes in the museum layout from 1998 to 2008. It effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as "Overall," to introduce the main idea, and "Turning to other features," to transition between different aspects of the museum. However, there are instances where cohesion within sentences could be improved for smoother flow. Paragraphing is used, but the logical progression is not always consistent, especially towards the end where the description of changes becomes slightly confusing.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the museum changes and maintains a clear progression of ideas. Use transitional phrases more consistently to guide the reader through the comparison of features. Additionally, pay attention to the flow within sentences to maintain smooth transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying the information. There is effective use of vocabulary related to describing changes, such as "considerable changes," "noticeable differences," "demolished," "constructed," and "replaced." Additionally, less common lexical items like "extension," "permanent exhibition," and "temporary exhibition" are utilized appropriately. The essay shows some awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "ticket entrance and exit," "cafe sitting area," and "bags and coats regions." While occasional errors occur in word choice and word formation, they do not significantly hinder comprehension.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, strive for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary choices. Aim for greater precision in word selection to convey nuances in meaning more effectively. Additionally, pay attention to collocation patterns to ensure smoother and more natural-sounding language. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation can help refine the overall lexical accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay effectively utilizes a variety of complex structures, demonstrating a good level of grammatical control. There is a mix of sentence forms, including compound and complex sentences, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay. Most of the sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. The essay accurately describes the changes in the museum layout over time, utilizing appropriate vocabulary and structure to convey the information effectively.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider incorporating more varied sentence structures and complex sentence constructions where appropriate. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation to ensure clarity and precision in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams depict alterations made to a museum layout between 1998 and 2008.

In general, significant changes occurred within the museum during the specified timeframe. The primary distinctions between the two illustrations involve the expansion of the permanent exhibition area on the eastern side and the removal of permanent exhibition spaces in the western vicinity.

Notably, the ticket entrance and exit points located in the southern section of the museum remained unaltered from 1998 to 2008. Concurrently, developments included the establishment of a cafe seating area and the installation of fountains within the central garden of the museum. Additionally, facilities such as the shop, WC, and areas designated for bags and coats, situated at the lower right corner, were demolished to accommodate the expansion of permanent exhibition rooms towards the east. Furthermore, a new WC facility was constructed in the northern section of the museum.

Regarding other modifications, the permanent exhibition spaces on the western side were dismantled and replaced with a temporary exhibition room and a restaurant. Moreover, the original location of the temporary exhibition room, situated in the lower left corner in 1998, now hosts the shop, bags, and coats area.