The picture shows how to produce leather goods.

The given diagram demonstrates the intricate procedure involved in the production of leather goods
The process involves a diverse range of stages, beginning with the drying of animal hides and concluding with the production of leather goods for customer consumption.
As depicted in the process, animal hides sourced from various suppliers undergoes a meticulous drying phase, and then transported by trucks to the factories. Following in that, the skin is subjected to a washing process involving a mixture of water and lime, with the objective of removing dirt, preparing it for subsequent soaking in lime.
Shifting the focus to the remaining steps, the skin undergoes the flattening process in a specialized machine, followed by the soaking phase with tannin, a mixture of water and vegetable matter. Continuing on, this skin is polished using an appropriate tool, after which it is transported again by truck to other factories. Finally, the the skin undergoes a careful crafting process to produce final products such as bags and shoes for consumer use.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given diagram demonstrates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and academically appropriate than "demonstrates" in this context, as it specifically refers to the visual representation of a process or concept.
"intricate procedure" -> "complex process"
Explanation: "Complex process" is a more precise term that accurately describes the multifaceted nature of the steps involved in leather production, aligning better with formal academic language.
"diverse range of stages" -> "multistage process"
Explanation: "Multistage process" is a more specific and formal term that clearly conveys the sequential nature of the steps involved in the production process.
"concluding with the production of leather goods for customer consumption" -> "culminating in the manufacture of leather goods for consumer use"
Explanation: "Culminating in the manufacture of leather goods for consumer use" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the final stage of the process and the intended end-use of the products.
"undergoes a meticulous drying phase" -> "undergoes a thorough drying process"
Explanation: "Thorough drying process" is a more precise and formal way to describe the drying step, enhancing the academic tone of the text.
"transported by trucks" -> "transported via trucks"
Explanation: "Via" is a more formal preposition than "by" in this context, which is more commonly used in academic writing to indicate method or means.
"the skin is subjected to a washing process involving a mixture of water and lime" -> "the skin undergoes a lime-based washing process"
Explanation: "Lime-based washing process" is a more concise and precise description, eliminating redundancy and enhancing the formal tone.
"Shifting the focus to the remaining steps" -> "Moving to the subsequent steps"
Explanation: "Moving to the subsequent steps" is more formal and avoids the colloquial tone of "shifting the focus."
"the skin undergoes the flattening process in a specialized machine" -> "the skin is processed in a specialized machine for flattening"
Explanation: "Processed in a specialized machine for flattening" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action, aligning with the technical nature of the process.
"soaking phase with tannin" -> "tannin-soaking phase"
Explanation: "Tannin-soaking phase" is a more concise and formal way to describe the process, integrating the substance and action into a single phrase.
"polished using an appropriate tool" -> "smoothed using a suitable tool"
Explanation: "Smoothed" is a more precise term than "polished" in this context, and "suitable" is preferred over "appropriate" for a more formal tone.
"the the skin" -> "the skin"
Explanation: Removing the unnecessary repetition of "the" corrects a typographical error and maintains the formal tone of the text.
"careful crafting process" -> "meticulous crafting process"
Explanation: "Meticulous" is a more precise and formal adjective than "careful," enhancing the academic tone of the description of the final step in the process.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not fully describe all the stages of the process. For example, the essay does not mention the use of tannin in the soaking process. The essay also does not fully describe the final stage of the process, which is the production of leather goods.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed description of the process. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific information about the different stages of the process. For example, the essay could mention the specific types of machines used in the flattening process. The essay could also mention the specific types of leather goods that are produced.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, with a clear overall progression from the drying of animal hides to the final production of leather goods. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive phrases and a lack of variety in linking words. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical flow, particularly in separating distinct stages of the process more clearly.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, organizing the essay into more distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific stage of the process would improve clarity. Reducing repetition and ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "meticulous," "tannin," and "specialized machine," which indicates an attempt to enhance the lexical resource. However, there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and minor errors in spelling (e.g., "the the" instead of "the"). These errors do not significantly impede communication but do detract from the overall effectiveness of the vocabulary used. The essay could benefit from a more varied and precise use of vocabulary throughout to achieve a higher band score.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range by incorporating more sophisticated and precise terms related to the topic. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling errors and ensuring correct word forms will improve clarity. Using synonyms and varying expressions can also help avoid repetition and demonstrate a wider lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it attempts to convey the process clearly, there are several grammatical errors (e.g., "undergoes" should be "undergo," "the the skin" is a repetition error) and instances of awkward phrasing that may hinder communication. The overall control of grammar and punctuation is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but the errors are noticeable and detract from the overall clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on reducing grammatical errors and improving sentence structure. This can be done by proofreading the essay to catch and correct mistakes, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and varying sentence structures more effectively. Additionally, enhancing the clarity of expressions and avoiding redundancy will contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram demonstrates the intricate procedure involved in the production of leather goods. The process consists of a diverse range of stages, beginning with the drying of animal hides and concluding with the creation of leather goods for customer consumption.

As depicted in the process, animal hides sourced from various suppliers undergo a meticulous drying phase before being transported by trucks to the factories. Following this, the hides are subjected to a washing process involving a mixture of water and lime, aimed at removing dirt and preparing them for the subsequent soaking in lime.

Shifting the focus to the remaining steps, the hides undergo a flattening process in a specialized machine, followed by the soaking phase with tannin, a mixture of water and vegetable matter. Continuing on, the hides are polished using an appropriate tool, after which they are transported again by truck to other factories. Finally, the hides undergo a careful crafting process to produce final products such as bags and shoes for consumer use.