The picture shows the process of making wool. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given chart illustrates the process of producing woolen goods.

Overall, it is clear that there are 10 main steps in this process, beginning with bringing up numerous sheep and culminating in transforming wool into various products.

At the first stage of the process, a wide variety of sheep is reared in order to collect their wool. Next, wool is removed from sheep through a shearing process before being cleaned with water. Following this, the wet wool is dried and then undergoes a carding process to be spun. The spinner products can be used to make strings and recycled at the next stage.

The process continues with the turf of wool being manufactured and stored. Subsequently, the stored wool is spun to yield balls of yarn. Finally, these balls can be utilized for knitting or making woolen goods like jackets or carpets.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"a wide variety of sheep" -> "a diverse array of sheep"
Explanation: Replacing "wide variety" with "diverse array" adds nuance and sophistication to the description of the sheep, implying a broader range of breeds and characteristics.
"wool is removed from sheep through a shearing process" -> "wool is extracted from sheep via a shearing process"
Explanation: "Extracted" is a more precise term here, indicating the deliberate and controlled removal of wool from sheep during the shearing process.
"undergoes a carding process to be spun" -> "undergoes a carding process prior to spinning"
Explanation: By positioning "prior to spinning" after "carding process," the sentence structure becomes clearer, indicating the sequence of actions in the wool production process.
"The spinner products can be used" -> "The spun fibers can be used"
Explanation: "Spinner products" is ambiguous and less precise compared to "spun fibers," which directly refers to the processed wool ready for further use.
"The process continues with the turf of wool being manufactured" -> "The wool fibers are further processed"
Explanation: "Turf of wool being manufactured" is awkward and unclear. Replacing it with "wool fibers are further processed" maintains clarity and simplifies the description.
"stored wool is spun to yield balls of yarn" -> "stored wool is spun into skeins of yarn"
Explanation: "Skeins of yarn" is a more specific and technical term for bundles of yarn, which enhances precision and clarity in the description of the wool production process.
"Finally, these balls can be utilized" -> "Finally, these skeins can be utilized"
Explanation: Replacing "balls" with "skeins" maintains consistency with the previous improvement and provides a more technical and accurate term for the product of the spinning process.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main stages involved in the process of making wool. It presents a structured summary, highlighting key features such as shearing, cleaning, carding, spinning, manufacturing turf, and utilizing the final products for various purposes.
How to improve: To enhance the score further, consider extending the description of each stage to provide more detailed information while ensuring relevance and accuracy. Additionally, incorporating more varied vocabulary and precise language can improve the overall clarity and effectiveness of communication.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a generally coherent manner, presenting a clear overall progression of the wool production process. It effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as transition words and phrases (‘next’, ‘following this’, ‘subsequently’), aiding in maintaining coherence. However, there are some instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences could be improved. For instance, the transition between the carding process and the spinner products could be smoother. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the transitions between ideas to ensure a smoother flow throughout the essay. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the relationship between ideas is clearly indicated, avoiding any ambiguity or abrupt shifts in topic. Additionally, consider refining the organization of information within paragraphs to enhance clarity and logical progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the process of making wool. It utilizes various terms such as "producing woolen goods," "shearing process," "carding process," "balls of yarn," and "woolen goods," showcasing a moderate lexical resource. Additionally, it employs some less common lexical items such as "culminating," "reared," and "turf of wool," contributing to a degree of flexibility and precision. The essay also shows an awareness of style and collocation, with phrases like "manufactured and stored" and "yield balls of yarn" indicating an attempt at sophistication in language use.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further and potentially achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and domain-specific terms related to the wool-making process. Additionally, ensuring precise word choice and collocation throughout the essay can help reduce occasional errors and increase fluency. Engaging with a broader array of vocabulary and refining the use of less common lexical items could elevate the lexical sophistication and precision of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation with the use of a variety of complex structures. The writer effectively employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to convey the process of making wool. There are frequent error-free sentences, and the majority of the essay is free from grammatical errors or inappropriacies.

How to improve: To improve to a higher band score, focus on further diversifying the range of sentence structures used. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation to ensure flawless execution throughout the essay. Further refinement in grammar usage could elevate the essay’s clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram outlines the sequential stages involved in the production of woolen items.

Overall, it is evident that the process comprises 10 key steps, commencing with the raising of a diverse range of sheep and culminating in the conversion of wool into various finished goods.

Initially, a diverse array of sheep is bred for the purpose of obtaining their wool. Subsequently, the wool is sheared from the sheep and then subjected to a cleansing process using water. Following this, the damp wool undergoes drying before being subjected to carding to prepare it for spinning. The resultant spun material can be fashioned into threads and recycled for subsequent stages.

The process advances with the production and storage of woolen turf. Afterwards, the stored wool is spun into yarn balls. Finally, these yarn balls can be utilized in knitting or for crafting woolen products such as jackets or carpets.