The pictures show information about average income and spending on food and clothes by an average family in a city in the UK.

The table compares average earnings and expenditures on food and clothes by a typical household in a UK city between 2010 and 2013, and the pie charts delineate a breakdown of spending on these categories during the same period.
Overall, it is discernible that the amount of money earned was inversely proportional to the amount of money spent on food and clothes throughout the period. Notably, fruit/vegetables and meat/fish categories received the largest share of expenditure.
Looking at the table, in 2010, an average UK household earned 29,000 pounds, compared to 14,000 pounds they allocated to food and clothes. During the following 3 years, while their income decreased by 4,000 pounds to 25,000 pounds, their spending on food and clothes witnessed an increase to 15,000 pounds.
Looking at the proportion of expenditure on food and clothes in detail, fruit/vegetables and meat/fish were allotted the highest percentage of spending in 2010, at 26% and 29% respectively. Afterwards, the budget allocated to fruit and vegetables saw an upward trend, accounting for 30% of the total spending in 2013 while the figure for meat and fish followed the opposite pattern to 23%. During the same period, a minimal rise was recorded in the proportion of expenditure on dairy products, from 12% in 2010 and 16% in 2012. Meanwhile, the figure for other food items remained unchanged at 18%. Regarding the spending on clothes, this figure decreased slightly from 15% in 2010 to 13% in 2013.

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Errors and Improvements:

"the pie charts delineate" -> "the pie charts depict"
Explanation: "Delineate" is a bit formal and less commonly used in this context compared to "depict," which is more straightforward and commonly used to describe what charts or graphs do.
"it is discernible" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: While "discernible" is correct, "evident" is more commonly used and straightforward, conveying the same meaning of being easily perceived or understood.
"witnessed an increase to" -> "experienced a rise to"
Explanation: "Witnessed an increase to" is slightly awkward and could be replaced with "experienced a rise to," which flows more naturally.
"the budget allocated to fruit and vegetables saw an upward trend" -> "expenditure on fruit and vegetables experienced an upward trend"
Explanation: Using "expenditure" instead of "budget" provides a more precise description of what is increasing, and "experienced an upward trend" is a clearer and more concise phrase.
"followed the opposite pattern to" -> "exhibited a contrasting trend, declining to"
Explanation: "Followed the opposite pattern to" is a bit convoluted. "Exhibited a contrasting trend, declining to" is clearer and more concise.
"a minimal rise was recorded" -> "a marginal increase was noted"
Explanation: "Minimal rise" is a bit redundant; "marginal increase" is more precise. "Was recorded" can be replaced with "was noted" for variety.
"Regarding the spending on clothes, this figure" -> "As for clothing expenditures, this proportion"
Explanation: "Regarding the spending on clothes" can be simplified to "As for clothing expenditures," and "this figure" can be replaced with "this proportion" for clarity and variety.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in average income and spending on food and clothes by a typical household in a UK city between 2010 and 2013. It presents key features and bullet points clearly, such as the inverse relationship between earnings and spending on food and clothes, and the changing proportions of expenditure on different food categories and clothes over the years.
How to improve: To enhance the response and achieve a higher band score, the essay could further extend the presentation of key features, providing more detailed and nuanced analysis where possible. Additionally, ensuring precise and accurate language usage throughout the essay would improve clarity and cohesion.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information, starting with an overview of the data and then delving into specific details. There is a clear progression from discussing earnings to expenditures and then to a breakdown of spending categories. Cohesive devices like transitional phrases ("Overall", "Looking at", "During the same period") help connect ideas smoothly. Each paragraph focuses on a central topic: earnings, expenditures, and spending breakdown, enhancing clarity. Paragraphing is sufficient and appropriate, aiding in the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence further, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that they are used consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for more varied sentence structures to maintain reader engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying the information. There is a notable use of vocabulary related to describing data, such as "table," "earnings," "expenditures," "breakdown," "proportion," and "budget." Additionally, less common lexical items like "allocated," "witnessed," "notably," and "discernible" are used, showing some awareness of style and collocation. Occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present, but they do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To improve to a Band 8, aim for more consistent and accurate use of less common lexical items. Pay close attention to word choice and ensure precision in conveying meanings. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can further enhance the lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation throughout. It effectively uses a variety of complex structures, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of the text. The sentences are generally error-free, with occasional minor errors that do not impede communication. The essay presents ideas logically and coherently, enhancing readability.

How to improve:
To further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could aim for even greater diversity in sentence structures, incorporating a wider range of complex constructions where appropriate. Additionally, paying closer attention to minor errors, such as subject-verb agreement or article usage, would help elevate the overall accuracy of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data delineates the average income and expenditure on food and clothing by an ordinary household in a UK urban area over the span of four years, from 2010 to 2013. The table presents a comparison of earnings and spending, while the accompanying pie charts offer a breakdown of expenditure categories during the same period.

In overview, it is apparent that income and expenditure on food and clothing exhibited an inverse relationship over the mentioned years. Notably, the categories of fruit/vegetables and meat/fish received the largest share of spending.

Referring to the table, in 2010, the average UK household earned £29,000, with £14,000 allocated towards food and clothing. Over the subsequent three years, despite a £4,000 decrease in income to £25,000, spending on food and clothing increased to £15,000.

Examining the proportion of expenditure on food and clothing in detail, both fruit/vegetables and meat/fish represented the highest percentage of spending in 2010, at 26% and 29%, respectively. Subsequently, spending on fruit and vegetables experienced an upward trend, constituting 30% of total spending in 2013, while the figure for meat and fish followed a declining trajectory to 23%. During the same period, a modest rise was observed in the proportion of expenditure on dairy products, from 12% in 2010 to 16% in 2012. Meanwhile, spending on other food items remained constant at 18%. Regarding expenditure on clothing, this figure marginally decreased from 15% in 2010 to 13% in 2013.