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The pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live

The pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live

The provided data comprises a pie chart depicting the distribution of people residing in Australia based on their country of birth and a table outlining the urban and rural residency patterns for individuals born in five distinct nations.

Overall, the majority of Australia's population originates from within the country itself, constituting nearly three-quarters of the total. Notably, residents from other native lands represent the second-largest group, with a percentage twice that of those from the UK. The remaining three nations contribute minimally to the overall demographic landscape.

Turning to the pie chart, Australia stands out as the predominant birthplace, occupying approximately 75% of the chart. Following closely, individuals born in other countries collectively account for 14%, surpassing the UK by double the proportion, which stands at 7%. Meanwhile, the Netherlands represents the smallest fraction at 1%.

Examining the table data, a stark contrast is evident, particularly in the case of individuals born in China, where 99% reside in urban areas and a mere 1% in rural regions. Conversely, those born in New Zealand exhibit the least disparity, with urban residents four times more prevalent than their rural counterparts. Additionally, Australia, the UK, and the Netherlands report 83%, 89%, and 90% of their populations residing in cities, respectively, while 17%, 11%, and 10% inhabit rural areas.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Comprises" -> "Includes"
    Explanation: "Comprises" is not incorrect but can be replaced with "includes" for a more straightforward and widely used term in this context. "Includes" offers a clearer understanding without altering the sentence’s meaning.

  2. "Notably" -> "Significantly"
    Explanation: "Notably" implies a mild emphasis, while "significantly" carries a stronger emphasis, providing a more impactful description of the relationship between the two groups.

  3. "Contribute minimally" -> "Make nominal contributions"
    Explanation: "Contribute minimally" is adequate, but "make nominal contributions" offers a more precise and elevated phrase, emphasizing the low extent of their contributions.

  4. "Occupying approximately" -> "Comprising roughly"
    Explanation: "Occupying approximately" is accurate, but "comprising roughly" offers a slight variation in language while maintaining the same meaning, enhancing the overall vocabulary diversity.

  5. "Fraction" -> "Proportion"
    Explanation: While "fraction" is suitable, "proportion" provides a more formal and precise term for describing parts of the whole in this context.

  6. "Stark contrast" -> "Distinct disparity"
    Explanation: "Stark contrast" is valid, but "distinct disparity" offers a more sophisticated expression, emphasizing the clear and notable differences between the urban and rural residency patterns.

  7. "Exhibit" -> "Show"
    Explanation: "Exhibit" is appropriate, but "show" is a more common and straightforward term that conveys the same meaning without losing the intended impact.

  8. "Prevalent" -> "Abundant"
    Explanation: "Prevalent" is accurate, but "abundant" offers a slightly more vivid and descriptive term to express the larger number of urban residents in comparison to rural ones.

  9. "Residing" -> "Dwelling"
    Explanation: "Residing" is correct, but "dwelling" provides a nuanced alternative, adding a touch of sophistication to describe where people live without changing the essence of the sentence.

  10. "Inhabit" -> "Dwell"
    Explanation: "Inhabit" is suitable, but "dwell" serves as a more refined synonym, maintaining the same meaning while adding variety to the language used.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay effectively covers the requirements of the task, presenting a clear overview of the main trends and differences in both the pie chart and table. It provides a well-developed response with appropriate details, particularly in highlighting key features such as the distribution of people based on their country of birth and the urban-rural residency patterns. The analysis of the pie chart and table is cohesive, demonstrating a good understanding of the provided data.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay and move it to a higher band score, consider providing a more detailed analysis of the data. While key features are adequately highlighted, further depth in discussing specific data points and relationships could strengthen the overall response. Additionally, ensuring that details are consistently accurate and relevant will contribute to a more comprehensive and refined presentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, meeting the criteria for Band 8. The sequencing of information and ideas is logical, providing a clear progression throughout the essay. The use of cohesive devices is skillful, contributing to a smooth flow of thought. Paragraphing is effectively managed, with each paragraph centered around a clear central topic, enhancing overall organization.

The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion of the provided data, and each subsequent paragraph maintains a clear focus on different aspects of the information presented in the pie chart and table. The transition between discussing the pie chart and the table is seamless, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

Additionally, the essay skillfully manages cohesion within and between sentences, ensuring that the relationships between ideas are clear and natural. The use of referencing is accurate and appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the response.

How to improve:
While the essay performs well within the Band 8 criteria, further refinement can be achieved by ensuring a more varied and nuanced use of cohesive devices. While the current usage is effective, diversifying the types of cohesive devices employed could enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, maintaining a consistent level of detail and analysis across all discussed nations and regions could contribute to a more comprehensive response. Overall, this essay is strong but can benefit from slight improvements in cohesion variety and depth of analysis.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of terms with fluency and flexibility. The writer successfully conveys precise meanings and skillfully incorporates uncommon lexical items. While occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are present, they are minor and do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively combines data interpretation with clear language, enhancing overall coherence.
How to improve: To further enhance the Lexical Resource, strive for even greater precision in word choice and collocation. Pay careful attention to the accuracy of uncommon lexical items to minimize occasional errors. Consistently maintain the sophisticated control of vocabulary throughout the essay for an even higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures with a wide range of sentence forms. The overall fluency and accuracy contribute to a cohesive and well-organized piece of writing. The language used is varied and precise, enhancing the overall quality of expression. Minor errors are rare and can be considered as ‘slips,’ not significantly impacting communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay further, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures and utilizing advanced vocabulary where appropriate. While the essay is well-constructed, always double-check for minor errors or awkward phrasing to maintain a consistently high level of accuracy. Additionally, ensure that the complexity of sentences aligns with the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data includes a pie chart illustrating the distribution of individuals living in Australia based on their country of birth, accompanied by a table outlining urban and rural residency patterns for people born in five specific nations.

Introduction:
In this analysis, we explore the demographic composition of Australia in terms of the birthplaces of its residents. The pie chart delineates the proportion of individuals born in different countries, while the accompanying table delves into the urban and rural distribution patterns of those born in five distinct nations.

Overview:
Overall, it is evident that a significant majority of Australia’s population is native-born, constituting nearly three-quarters of the total. Notably, residents from other countries represent the second-largest group, with a percentage twice that of those from the UK. The remaining three nations contribute minimally to the overall demographic landscape.

Details:
Turning to the pie chart, Australia emerges as the predominant birthplace, encompassing approximately 75% of the chart. Following closely, individuals born in other countries collectively account for 14%, surpassing those from the UK by double the proportion, standing at 7%. Meanwhile, the Netherlands represents the smallest fraction at 1%.

Examining the table data reveals stark contrasts, particularly in the case of individuals born in China, where 99% reside in urban areas and a mere 1% in rural regions. Conversely, those born in New Zealand exhibit the least disparity, with urban residents four times more prevalent than their rural counterparts. Additionally, Australia, the UK, and the Netherlands report 83%, 89%, and 90% of their populations residing in cities, respectively, while 17%, 11%, and 10% inhabit rural areas.

This comprehensive analysis illuminates the intricate interplay between birthplace and residency patterns, providing valuable insights into the diverse composition of Australia’s population.

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