The pie chart shows the percentage of males and females arrested in the UK from 2015- 2020 and the bar chart shows the reasons for these peoples arrest. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the percentage of males and females arrested in the UK from 2015- 2020 and the bar chart shows the reasons for these peoples arrest.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart outline rate of arrest in the United Kingdom for both sex .Information is divided into 6 reasons of crime; Drink Driving, Public Intoxication,Breaking and Entering , Assault , Theft , and other.
Overall, it can be seen that men were arrested more than women , the high percentage of crime were related to Public Intoxication for both women and men , and less crime was done in Thefts.
In bar graph , Men had a 20 % for Drink Driving and women had around 15 %.Public Intoxication was in a increasing amount of 40% for women and 9 percentage less for men , in contrast. Breaking and entering had an identical percentage for Females in only around 12 % , as for a Men They had 16 % and 13 % for both. Assault was done by 19% of women , men differ with about 15 %. Others particular crime had almost same rate as for Females and Males, approximately 20 %.
In Pie chart, Men and Women , had an huge vary. 68% Of men counted as Free from arrest ,whereas as women had increasing number of 91%. For arrested peoples , 32% for men and only 9% for women.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"pie chart outline rate of arrest" -> "pie chart illustrating arrest rates"
Explanation: "Pie chart outline rate of arrest" is awkward and unclear. "Pie chart illustrating arrest rates" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"both sex" -> "both sexes"
Explanation: "Both sex" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Both sexes" is the correct and formal expression.
"6 reasons of crime" -> "six types of crime"
Explanation: "Reasons of crime" is awkward and vague. "Types of crime" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.
"Drink Driving, Public Intoxication,Breaking and Entering, Assault, Theft, and other" -> "drink driving, public intoxication, breaking and entering, assault, theft, and others"
Explanation: Capitalization is incorrect for the list items. Using "others" instead of "other" is grammatically correct for a plural list.
"it can be seen that men were arrested more than women" -> "it is evident that men were arrested more frequently than women"
Explanation: "It can be seen" is somewhat informal and vague. "It is evident" is more assertive and formal, and "more frequently" provides a clearer comparison.
"high percentage of crime were related" -> "high proportion of crimes were related"
Explanation: "High percentage of crime" is grammatically incorrect. "High proportion of crimes" corrects the plural form and improves the sentence structure.
"less crime was done in Thefts" -> "fewer crimes were committed in theft"
Explanation: "Less crime was done" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Fewer crimes were committed" corrects the verb tense and formality.
"In bar graph" -> "In the bar graph"
Explanation: "In bar graph" is grammatically incorrect. "In the bar graph" is the correct prepositional phrase.
"had a 20 % for Drink Driving" -> "accounted for 20% of Drink Driving"
Explanation: "Had a 20 %" is awkward and unclear. "Accounted for 20% of" is more precise and formal.
"9 percentage less for men" -> "9 percentage points less for men"
Explanation: "9 percentage less" is grammatically incorrect. "9 percentage points less" corrects the form and clarifies the meaning.
"Females in only around 12 %" -> "Females at approximately 12%"
Explanation: "In only around" is redundant and informal. "At approximately" is more concise and formal.
"Men They had 16 % and 13 % for both" -> "Men had 16% and 13% for both"
Explanation: Removing "They" corrects the grammatical awkwardness and maintains the formal tone.
"Others particular crime" -> "other crimes"
Explanation: "Others particular crime" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Other crimes" is the correct form.
"huge vary" -> "significant variation"
Explanation: "Huge vary" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Significant variation" is precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"32% for men and only 9% for women" -> "32% for men and 9% for women"
Explanation: Removing "only" corrects the formality and maintains the academic tone by avoiding superlatives.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the main features of the charts. However, the overview is not clear and the information is presented in a mechanical way. The essay also fails to make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay states that "Men had a 20% for Drink Driving and women had around 15%" but does not compare these figures to the overall arrest rates for men and women.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main features of the charts. The essay should also make more comparisons between the data presented in the charts. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of men and women arrested for each type of crime. The essay could also compare the overall arrest rates for men and women.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to summarize the data from both the pie chart and bar chart, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the comparisons made. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the essay lacks distinct sections that logically separate different aspects of the data.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the data. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help link ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons are clearly articulated and logically sequenced will improve the overall clarity and flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the charts, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., "outline rate of arrest," "had an huge vary"). The use of basic vocabulary is repetitive, and there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity (e.g., "the high percentage of crime were related"). Additionally, spelling errors (e.g., "peoples," "intoxication") are present, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring accurate word choice. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Furthermore, attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy is essential, as errors can impede communication. Engaging with a wider range of texts can also help in developing a more sophisticated vocabulary and understanding of collocations.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, they often lack accuracy, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For example, phrases like "the high percentage of crime were related" and "had an huge vary" indicate issues with subject-verb agreement and incorrect word choice. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent spacing, further detract from the overall clarity. Although the main ideas are communicated, the errors can cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance grammatical range.
Improve Accuracy: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and correct word forms to reduce grammatical errors.
Punctuation and Clarity: Ensure proper punctuation and spacing to improve readability and clarity.
Proofreading: Review the essay for minor errors and typos before submission to catch and correct mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart outlines the rate of arrests in the United Kingdom for both sexes. The information is divided into six reasons for crime: Drink Driving, Public Intoxication, Breaking and Entering, Assault, Theft, and Other.

Overall, it can be seen that men were arrested more frequently than women. A high percentage of crimes were related to Public Intoxication for both genders, while fewer crimes were committed in the category of Theft.

In the bar graph, men accounted for 20% of arrests for Drink Driving, whereas women represented around 15%. Public Intoxication showed an increasing trend, with 40% of women arrested compared to 9% of men. Breaking and Entering had similar percentages for females at approximately 12%, while men had 16% and 13% for both categories. Assault was committed by 19% of women, while men differed slightly at about 15%. Other specific crimes had almost the same rate for females and males, at approximately 20%.

In the pie chart, there is a significant variation between men and women. 68% of men were counted as free from arrest, whereas women had a higher percentage of 91%. Among those arrested, 32% were men and only 9% were women.