tHE PIE CHARTS BELOW COMPARE HOUSEHOLD SPENDING IN THE UK IN 1980 WITH PREDICTIONS FOR 2030.

tHE PIE CHARTS BELOW COMPARE HOUSEHOLD SPENDING IN THE UK IN 1980 WITH PREDICTIONS FOR 2030.

The pie charts illustrate the comparison of household budget in England in 1980 with projection in 2030.
Overall, we can see that there are six categories in this comparison. According to the pie charts, food and drink in the 1980s was the highest in total percentage but this category is predicted to fall the most in the 2030s. Meanwhile, housing is expected to rise the most than each other.
In 1980, food and drink accounted for 25% of the household budget whereas it is forecast to fall in 2030 by 11%. The cost of three categories including housing, transport and energy sources are predicted to rise but housing is anticipated to rise much more than others, from 22.5% to 38%. The other categories experienced distinct changes. Clothing/footwear and recreation/culture were 11.5$ and 13% respectively in the 1980s but these figures are projected to fall slightly while transport and electricity, gas and water are anticipated to increase slightly.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "projection" -> "projections"
   Explanation: "Projection" should be pluralized to match the plurality of the charts being discussed.
2. "this comparison" -> "this comparative analysis"
   Explanation: "Comparative analysis" is a more precise term for examining the differences between two sets of data.
3. "but this category is predicted to fall the most" -> "but this category is projected to experience the most significant decline"
   Explanation: "Predicted to fall" can be replaced with "projected to experience a decline," and "the most" can be substituted with "the most significant," enhancing clarity and formality.
4. "rise the most than each other" -> "experience the greatest increase compared to the others"
   Explanation: "Rise the most than each other" is awkward and imprecise; "experience the greatest increase compared to the others" is clearer and more formal.
5. "three categories including housing, transport and energy sources" -> "three categories, namely housing, transportation, and energy sources"
   Explanation: Adding "namely" clarifies the subsequent enumeration of categories and maintains coherence.
6. "but housing is anticipated to rise much more than others" -> "but housing is expected to increase significantly more than the others"
   Explanation: "Anticipated to rise much more than others" can be replaced with "expected to increase significantly more than the others" for clarity and formality.
7. "Clothing/footwear and recreation/culture were 11.5$ and 13% respectively" -> "Clothing/footwear and recreation/culture accounted for 11.5% and 13% respectively"
   Explanation: "Were" can be replaced with "accounted for" for clarity, and the dollar sign should be removed.
8. "these figures are projected to fall slightly while transport and electricity, gas and water are anticipated to increase slightly" -> "these figures are expected to decrease slightly, while transport and electricity, gas, and water are projected to see slight increases"
   Explanation: Replacing "fall" with "decrease," and "anticipated to increase" with "projected to see," improves precision and formality. Additionally, adding commas after "electricity" and "gas" enhances readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by comparing household spending in the UK in 1980 with predictions for 2030. It provides an overview of the six categories and highlights key trends, such as the decrease in food and drink expenditure and the increase in housing costs. However, the essay lacks some detail and extension, particularly in discussing the changes in clothing/footwear and recreation/culture categories. Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the presentation of data.
How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed and accurate information, especially regarding the categories experiencing slight changes. Ensure consistency in presenting data and avoid minor errors. Additionally, extend the analysis to provide a deeper understanding of the trends observed in the pie charts.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents the main features of the pie charts comparing household spending in the UK in 1980 with predictions for 2030. The introduction provides a general overview of the charts. However, the organization lacks a clear progression, and there is a lack of cohesion between sentences, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. Some cohesive devices are used, but their effectiveness is limited, resulting in a lack of overall coherence. The essay attempts to present information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. Additionally, the essay lacks clear paragraphing, which contributes to the difficulty in following the structure of the essay.

How to improve:

1. Work on organizing ideas more coherently, ensuring a logical flow of information from one sentence to the next and from one paragraph to another.
2. Use a variety of cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and improve coherence. These could include transitional phrases, pronouns, and conjunctions.
3. Ensure clear and consistent paragraphing to help readers follow the structure of the essay more easily.
4. Avoid repetitive language and strive for clarity and precision in expression.
5. Provide more detailed analysis and interpretation of the data presented in the pie charts to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary terminology related to the description of the pie charts and comparison of household spending. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "projection" and "anticipated," but with some inaccuracy in word choice and collocation. For instance, "the highest in total percentage" could be expressed more precisely. Some errors in spelling and word formation are present, such as "11$" instead of "11%," and "from 22.5% to 38%" lacks clarity in expression.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource, focus on using more varied vocabulary accurately and precisely. Review the essay for spelling and word formation errors, ensuring consistency and clarity in expression. Additionally, strive for greater precision in vocabulary selection to convey ideas more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("food and drink in the 1980s was" should be "food and drink in the 1980s were"), as well as missing articles ("the cost of three categories including housing"). Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas in lists ("housing, transport and energy sources"). Despite attempts at complex sentences, they tend to be less accurate than simpler ones, contributing to a lack of clarity in certain parts of the essay.

How to improve:

1. Ensure subject-verb agreement: Pay attention to the agreement between subjects and verbs to maintain grammatical accuracy.
2. Use articles appropriately: Incorporate definite and indefinite articles where necessary to clarify the meaning of sentences.
3. Review punctuation: Double-check the usage of commas and other punctuation marks to ensure coherence and readability.
4. Aim for more precise language: Focus on expressing ideas clearly and concisely, avoiding ambiguity and unnecessary complexity in sentence structure.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts offer a comparison of household expenditure in the UK in 1980 and anticipated trends for 2030. In total, six categories are delineated for analysis.

In 1980, the highest proportion of household spending was allocated to food and drink, comprising 25% of the budget. However, projections suggest a significant decline in this category by 2030, with an anticipated reduction of 11%. Conversely, housing expenses are poised to experience the most substantial increase compared to other categories.

Specifically, housing expenditure is projected to surge from 22.5% in 1980 to 38% in 2030, marking a considerable ascent. Furthermore, transportation and energy costs are forecasted to rise, albeit modestly, alongside housing. Notably, the anticipated increase in housing expenses surpasses that of other categories.

Meanwhile, clothing/footwear and recreation/culture accounted for 11.5% and 13% of the household budget respectively in 1980. Although projections indicate slight decreases in these categories, transportation, as well as electricity, gas, and water expenses, are expected to undergo marginal increments.

Overall, the data illustrates shifting trends in household spending patterns over the years, with notable increases in housing costs projected for the future.