The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts illustrate the sales of a bookseller of five distinct categories of books by percentage across three separate years, 1972, 1992, and 2012.
Overall, It is evident that in the beginning, each kind of book made a relatively equal contribution to the total sales. However, from 1992 onwards, adults’ fiction and children’s fiction gained mounting popularity and adults’ fiction had eventually become the best-selling genre by 2012. Meanwhile, the others saw a decline in their sales.
In 1972, three-fifths of the pie chart was allocated to adults’ fiction, children's fiction, and Biography, with each comprised of 20% of the total sales. The remaining was attributed to Travel and Others, with 15% for the former and 25% for the latter.
Over the next 40 years, The percentage of adults’ fiction had increased remarkably to 45% by 2012, more than double its initial quantity. Another genre that witnessed an increase, but to a significantly lower extent than adults’ fiction, was children’s fiction, with 25% in the end. Although Travel books experienced a slight rise of 3% in 1992, with the figure plummeted to 10% in 2012. Sales of Biography continuously declined throughout the period, from 20% to 8% in the end. Likewise, Others made fewer contributions to the total sales in 2012, shrinking from 25% to nearly half of its initial sales.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The pie charts illustrate" -> "The pie charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in the context of visual representations like pie charts, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"a bookseller of five distinct categories of books" -> "a bookseller offering five distinct categories of books"
Explanation: "Offering" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as it accurately describes the role of the bookseller in providing these categories of books.
"by percentage across three separate years" -> "by percentage across three distinct years"
Explanation: "Distinct" is more precise and formal than "separate," aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the uniqueness of each year.
"It is evident that" -> "It is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase, enhancing the precision and authority of the statement.
"gained mounting popularity" -> "increased in popularity"
Explanation: "Increased in popularity" is a more precise and formal way to describe the growth in popularity, avoiding the colloquial tone of "gained mounting popularity."
"had eventually become the best-selling genre" -> "eventually became the best-selling genre"
Explanation: "Became" is the correct past tense form to match the context of the past years mentioned in the pie charts.
"The remaining was attributed to" -> "The remaining was allocated to"
Explanation: "Allocated" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as it directly relates to the distribution of the pie chart.
"Over the next 40 years" -> "Over the subsequent 40 years"
Explanation: "Subsequent" is more formal and precise than "next," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"remarkably to 45%" -> "significantly to 45%"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more academically appropriate term than "remarkably," which can sound overly emotional or sensational.
"more than double its initial quantity" -> "more than twice its initial quantity"
Explanation: "Twice" is a more precise and formal way to express the multiplication, fitting better in an academic context.
"Another genre that witnessed an increase" -> "Another genre that experienced an increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal and suitable for academic writing than "witnessed," which can be less precise in this context.
"with the figure plummeted" -> "with the figure decreasing"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is a more neutral and formal term than "plummeted," which can imply a sudden and dramatic drop, which may not be the intended meaning.
"Likewise, Others made fewer contributions" -> "Similarly, the category of Others contributed less"
Explanation: "Similarly" is more formal than "Likewise," and "contributed less" is a more precise and formal way to express a decrease in contribution.
"shrinking from 25% to nearly half of its initial sales" -> "decreasing from 25% to approximately half of its initial sales"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is more formal than "shrinking," and "approximately" is more precise than "nearly," aligning better with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the significant increase in sales of adults’ fiction and children’s fiction, and the decline in sales of other genres. The essay also presents and highlights key features, such as the specific percentage changes for each genre, but could be more fully extended. For example, the essay could provide more detailed comparisons between the different genres, or could discuss the reasons for the observed trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed comparisons between the different genres. For example, the essay could state that adults’ fiction sales increased by 25% between 1972 and 2012, while children’s fiction sales increased by only 5%. The essay could also discuss the reasons for the observed trends. For example, the essay could suggest that the increase in adults’ fiction sales may be due to the growing popularity of popular fiction, or that the decline in sales of other genres may be due to the rise of e-books.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall trends are summarized well. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, and the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, phrases like "Meanwhile" and "Although" are used, but the connections between ideas could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, the organization within paragraphs could be improved for better logical flow.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. This can be done by varying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is developed logically. Additionally, improving the overall structure of paragraphs to ensure that each idea flows naturally into the next will strengthen coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the pie charts. The use of terms such as "mounting popularity," "remarkably," and "plummeted" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the remaining was attributed to Travel and Others," which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies in phrasing, such as "the percentage of adults’ fiction had increased remarkably," which could be improved for clarity and grammatical accuracy. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate, it lacks the sophistication and precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring precise word choices. Practicing the use of collocations and idiomatic expressions can also help improve fluency and flexibility. Additionally, minimizing errors in spelling and word formation will contribute to a stronger overall performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. For example, phrases like "the remaining was attributed to Travel and Others" could be clearer with a more precise structure. Additionally, the use of "the percentage of adults’ fiction had increased remarkably" lacks parallel structure with the other genres mentioned, which could lead to confusion. Overall, the essay maintains a coherent structure and presents the information clearly, but the presence of errors and occasional awkward phrasing prevents it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate more complex sentences and ensure that they are grammatically correct. This can be achieved by using subordinate clauses effectively.
Error Reduction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Attention to punctuation will also improve clarity.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer expressions of ideas. For instance, rephrasing sentences for better flow and coherence can enhance readability.
Consistent Tense Usage: Ensure that verb tenses are consistent throughout the essay to avoid confusion. For example, maintaining past tense when discussing historical data will strengthen the overall narrative.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate the sales of a bookseller across five distinct categories of books by percentage over three separate years: 1972, 1992, and 2012. Overall, it is evident that initially, each category of book made a relatively equal contribution to total sales. However, from 1992 onwards, both adults’ fiction and children’s fiction gained increasing popularity, with adults’ fiction ultimately becoming the best-selling genre by 2012. Meanwhile, the other categories experienced a decline in their sales.

In 1972, three-fifths of the pie chart was allocated to adults’ fiction, children’s fiction, and biography, with each category comprising 20% of total sales. The remaining sales were attributed to travel and others, with 15% for the former and 25% for the latter.

Over the next 40 years, the percentage of adults’ fiction increased remarkably to 45% by 2012, more than doubling its initial quantity. Another genre that witnessed an increase, albeit to a significantly lower extent than adults’ fiction, was children’s fiction, which reached 25% by the end of the period. Although travel books experienced a slight rise of 3% in 1992, this figure plummeted to 10% in 2012. Sales of biography continuously declined throughout the period, dropping from 20% to 8% by the end. Likewise, the category of others made fewer contributions to total sales in 2012, shrinking from 25% to nearly half of its initial sales.