The pie charts give information about visitors to the US from different countries from 1988 to 1992.

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of travellers visit the US from various countries from 1988 to 1992.
Overall, the percentage of visitors from Canada accounted for the highest of 3 different period of time. While the percentage of Canadian and Others tourist’s decreased steadily, Chinese tourists grew enormously during the period.
In 1988, there was more than 50% of travellers to the US were Canadian, while the figure of Mexico was a quarter of the chart. The Chinese and Others were seen to be significantly low rates, around 10%. From 1988 to 1992, there was a significantly fall of Canadian visitors, by 10%. In contrast, a dramatic increase of 18% was seen in Chinese visitors.
During the period in 1990 and 1992, the Canada and Others outline continued dropped slightly about 3%. By contrast, the statistic of Mexico and China were seen an opposite trend with China peaking at 30% after a slight increase of 2%, whereas Mexico rose remarkably with 26% in that year.

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Errors and Improvements:

"proportion of travellers visit" -> "proportion of travelers visiting"
Explanation: "Proportion of travelers visit" lacks proper subject-verb agreement. "Visiting" is a more appropriate verb form to convey the action in the present tense.
"the percentage of visitors from Canada accounted for the highest of 3 different period of time" -> "the percentage of visitors from Canada accounted for the highest during the three periods"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and lacks clarity. "During the three periods" is a more concise and clear way to express the timeframe.
"While the percentage of Canadian and Others tourist’s decreased steadily" -> "While the percentage of Canadian and other tourists decreased steadily"
Explanation: "Others tourist’s" is grammatically incorrect and should be replaced with "other tourists." Additionally, "other tourists" is a more specific and accurate term compared to "Others."
"there was more than 50% of travellers to the US were Canadian" -> "more than 50% of travelers to the US were Canadian"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect due to the misplaced "were." Removing "there was" and placing "were" after "travelers to the US" corrects the sentence structure.
"the figure of Mexico was a quarter of the chart" -> "the figure for Mexico accounted for a quarter of the total"
Explanation: "The figure of Mexico" is unclear and lacks precision. "Accounted for a quarter of the total" provides a clearer and more specific description of Mexico’s proportion.
"significantly low rates" -> "significantly lower rates"
Explanation: "Low rates" is comparative, so it requires the comparative form "lower" to accurately describe the decrease in rates.
"there was a significantly fall of Canadian visitors" -> "there was a significant decline in Canadian visitors"
Explanation: "Significantly fall" is grammatically incorrect. "Significant decline" is a more appropriate phrase to describe a decrease in visitors.
"a dramatic increase of 18% was seen in Chinese visitors" -> "Chinese visitors saw a dramatic increase of 18%"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence structure for clarity and coherence. Placing "Chinese visitors" at the beginning of the sentence helps to establish subject-verb agreement and improve readability.
"During the period in 1990 and 1992" -> "Between 1990 and 1992"
Explanation: "During the period in 1990 and 1992" is redundant and awkward. "Between 1990 and 1992" succinctly indicates the timeframe without unnecessary repetition.
"the Canada and Others outline continued dropped slightly about 3%" -> "the proportion of visitors from Canada and other countries continued to drop slightly by about 3%"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and precision. "Proportion of visitors" clarifies the subject, and "continued to drop" maintains consistency in verb tense.
"the statistic of Mexico and China were seen an opposite trend" -> "the statistics for Mexico and China showed opposite trends"
Explanation: "The statistic of Mexico and China" lacks subject-verb agreement. Using "the statistics for Mexico and China" corrects this error. Additionally, "showed opposite trends" provides a clearer and more concise description of the comparison between Mexico and China.
"whereas Mexico rose remarkably with 26% in that year" -> "while Mexico experienced a remarkable rise of 26% during that year"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and coherence. Rearranging the sentence structure and using "experienced a remarkable rise" improves readability and maintains consistency in expression.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation:
The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in visitor numbers to the US from different countries over the specified period. It adequately highlights key features such as the dominance of Canadian visitors initially, the steady decrease in Canadian visitors, and the significant increase in Chinese visitors. The essay presents some relevant data from the charts but lacks precision in reporting specific percentages.
How to improve:
To improve, the essay should strive for more accurate reporting of data from the charts, avoiding imprecise language like "around" and providing exact percentages where possible. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more detailed analysis and extension of key points to fully develop the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, providing a general overview of the data. There is an attempt to present a progression over time, but it lacks clarity and coherence. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, leading to some confusion and repetition. Paragraphing is attempted, but it lacks consistency and logical flow.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring the essay more logically. Clearly introduce the main trends and provide a smooth transition between them. Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and avoid repetition. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that they are organized logically. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and clarity to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetitive use of words and minimal variety in expression. While it provides an overview of the data presented in the pie charts, the vocabulary choices are basic and lack sophistication. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource of the essay, the writer should strive to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied lexical items. This can be achieved by using synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more diverse vocabulary related to the topic. Additionally, careful proofreading and attention to spelling and word formation are necessary to minimize errors and improve clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended message. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("travellers visit," "travellers to the US were Canadian"), incorrect verb tense usage ("there was more than 50%," "there was a significantly fall"), and incorrect article usage ("percentage of Canadian," "the Canada and Others outline"). Punctuation is also faulty in several instances.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on practicing sentence structure diversity, ensuring subject-verb agreement, using appropriate verb tenses consistently, and paying attention to article usage. Additionally, careful proofreading for punctuation errors is essential. Engaging in extensive reading and writing exercises can help reinforce these skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts depict the distribution of travelers visiting the United States from various nations between 1988 and 1992.

Overall, Canadian visitors comprised the largest proportion throughout the three periods. While the percentage of travelers from Canada and other countries experienced a gradual decline, there was a substantial increase in Chinese tourists during this timeframe.

In 1988, over half of the travelers to the US originated from Canada, with Mexico accounting for a quarter of the total. Chinese and other nationals constituted relatively low percentages, approximately 10%. From 1988 to 1992, there was a significant decrease of 10% in Canadian visitors. Conversely, Chinese visitors experienced a remarkable increase of 18%.

Between 1990 and 1992, the percentages of visitors from Canada and other countries continued to decline slightly by approximately 3%. In contrast, both Mexico and China demonstrated an opposite trend. China peaked at 30% after a slight increase of 2%, while Mexico experienced a noteworthy rise, reaching 26% in 1992.