The pie charts show information about energy production in a country in two separate years.

The given pie graph illustrates how much energy were peoduced in a nation between 1995 and 2005.
Overall, there was an increase in the proportion of energy production as coal, gas, nuclear and other, while petrol decline considerably. In addition, the percentage of being produced coal was highest in both years.
The proportion of creating coal started at 29.80%, after which it experience a slightly rise to 30.93% in 2005. Similarly, changes can be seen in the figure of gas, which had 29.63% in 2005 and went up to 30.31%. Furthermore, only 6.40% of the total production belonged to nuclear energy, with a subsequent increased to 10.10%.
The figure of petro was at 29.27% , followed by an sharp decrease to 19.55% in 2005. Whereas, there was a 4.90% other energy with a near twofold grow in 200t to stand at 9.10%

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"how much energy were peoduced" -> "the amount of energy produced"
Explanation: "Peoduced" is a misspelling of "produced." "The amount of energy produced" is a clearer and more grammatically correct way to express this idea.
"while petrol decline considerably" -> "while petroleum experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Petrol" is the British English term for "gasoline," but "petroleum" is a more formal and universally understood word. Additionally, "decline considerably" lacks precision; "experienced a significant decline" is a more formal and accurate phrase.
"The proportion of being produced coal" -> "The proportion of coal production"
Explanation: "Being produced coal" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Coal production" is a clearer and more concise way to express this idea.
"it experience a slightly rise" -> "it experienced a slight increase"
Explanation: "Experience" should be in the past tense to match the tense of the sentence. "Slightly rise" is grammatically incorrect; "slight increase" is the correct phrase.
"changes can be seen in the figure of gas" -> "changes are evident in the percentage of gas"
Explanation: "Figure of gas" is imprecise; "percentage of gas" is more accurate. Additionally, "can be seen" is a passive construction; "are evident" is a more direct and active way to convey the same meaning.
"which had 29.63% in 2005 and went up to 30.31%" -> "which increased from 29.63% in 1995 to 30.31% in 2005"
Explanation: "Had" implies past possession, but here, we’re discussing a change over time. Using "increased from" clarifies the progression from one point to another.
"with a subsequent increased to 10.10%" -> "with a subsequent increase to 10.10%"
Explanation: "Increased" should be in the form of a noun here to match the structure of the sentence.
"The figure of petro was at 29.27%" -> "The proportion of petroleum was at 29.27%"
Explanation: "Figure of petro" is imprecise; "proportion of petroleum" is clearer and more accurate.
"followed by an sharp decrease" -> "followed by a sharp decrease"
Explanation: "An" should be changed to "a" before "sharp decrease" because "sharp" begins with a consonant sound.
"twofold grow in 200t" -> "twofold increase in 2005"
Explanation: "Twofold grow" is grammatically incorrect; "twofold increase" is the appropriate term to describe a doubling in quantity. Additionally, "200t" appears to be a typographical error; it should be "2005" for consistency with the context of the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by presenting information derived from the provided pie charts, detailing the changes in energy production between 1995 and 2005. It provides an overview and attempts to highlight key features, such as the changes in production percentages for coal, gas, nuclear energy, petrol, and other sources. However, there are issues with the accuracy and relevance of some details. For instance, the essay includes minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "were produced", "peoduced", "experience a slightly rise", "an sharp decrease"), which detract from the clarity and precision expected at higher band scores. The details regarding the percentage changes are presented, but the expression and precision in data presentation could be enhanced to avoid ambiguity and improve the factual accuracy.

How to improve:
To improve the band score, the writer should focus on refining the accuracy and clarity of information presented. Ensuring grammatical accuracy and using precise terms for describing data changes will enhance the essay’s quality. For example, instead of "experience a slightly rise", use "experienced a slight rise". Additionally, ensuring all key features are clearly highlighted without irrelevant or inaccurate details will contribute to a more cohesive and accurate report of the data. Avoiding repetition and enhancing the logical flow between points will also provide a more polished and comprehensive response.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. The essay starts by introducing the topic and summarizing the main trends, but the progression of ideas within paragraphs and throughout the essay is somewhat unclear. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, but their effectiveness is limited, leading to some repetitive language and a lack of smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, the essay lacks clear referencing and substitution, which contributes to the repetitive nature of the content. Although the essay is divided into paragraphs, the logical organization within them is not consistently maintained.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the essay in a more structured manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical sequence of ideas. Use cohesive devices more effectively to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive language by using a wider range of vocabulary and employing referencing and substitution techniques appropriately. Finally, pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic and flows logically from one to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with repetitive and sometimes inaccurate word choices. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, such as "peoduced," "being," "experienced," "petro," and "200t." Additionally, there is inconsistency in verb tense usage ("were produced," "experience," "belonged," "stand") which affects the clarity of the message. While some attempt is made to convey information using varied lexical items, the errors and lack of precision in vocabulary choice hinder communication and understanding.

How to improve:

Expand your vocabulary range by learning and practicing synonyms and related words for commonly used terms.
Pay attention to accurate spelling and word formation to avoid confusion and maintain clarity.
Practice using appropriate verb tenses consistently throughout your writing.
Proofread your essays carefully to identify and correct errors before submission.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with attempts at using a variety of structures. There are instances of both simple and compound sentences, though some complexity is lacking. The essay communicates the main ideas effectively despite some errors in grammar and punctuation, which occasionally hinder clarity.

How to improve: To improve, focus on enhancing the variety and complexity of sentence structures. Pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors, which can occasionally impede understanding. Consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring coherence and cohesion throughout the essay. Additionally, strive for consistency in verb tense usage and subject-verb agreement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate energy production in a particular country between 1995 and 2005.

Overall, there was an increase in the proportion of energy production from coal, gas, nuclear, and other sources, while the share of petrol declined considerably. Additionally, coal accounted for the highest percentage of energy production in both years.

The proportion of coal production began at 29.80%, experiencing a slight rise to 30.93% in 2005. Similarly, there were noticeable changes in gas production, which increased from 29.63% in 1995 to 30.31% in 2005. Furthermore, nuclear energy contributed 6.40% of the total production in 1995, rising to 10.10% by 2005.

Petrol’s share was 29.27% in 1995, sharply decreasing to 19.55% in 2005. Conversely, other sources of energy accounted for 4.90% in 1995, experiencing nearly a twofold increase to reach 9.10% in 2005.