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The plan below show how the ground floor or a particular building has changed over time.

The plan below show how the ground floor or a particular building has changed over time.

The provided maps illustrate how the ground floor has transformed from 1958 to present.
As can be seen from the maps, the ground floor has experienced many reconstructions and installments for different purposes: It used to be an office before becoming an apartment, then it turned into a flower shop throughout the years.
In 1958, the floor was built for the office purpose
It is obvious that the floor was separated into two main sections. A half of the floor included a meeting room, two office rooms for an assistant and a secretary, and a toilet. The remainder of the floor consisted of a kitchen, a manager office and reception area.
In 1985, the floor was reconstructed into an apartment complex. The manager's office and reception area gave way to two bedrooms. Concurrently, the bathroom and shower replaced the secretary's office and toilet. Another noticeable change is the appearance of a living room instead of the meeting room at the corner of the floor.
From 2001 until now, the apartment was rebuilt to become a flower shop. The kitchen has been located at the top-right-hand corner from 1958 to present. However, gift cards and a play area replaced the living room as well as the bathroom. The bedroom 1 turned into the office now. The appearance of two blocks of flowers erased the bedroom 2.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "installments for different purposes" -> "alterations for various purposes"
    Explanation: Replacing "installments for different purposes" with "alterations for various purposes" conveys the idea of changes more precisely and employs a more sophisticated term, enhancing the overall clarity and vocabulary richness.

  2. "It used to be an office before becoming an apartment" -> "Initially functioning as an office, it later transitioned into an apartment"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a smoother transition between the office and apartment phases while using more advanced vocabulary, contributing to a more polished and formal expression.

  3. "The floor was built for the office purpose" -> "The floor was originally designed for office use"
    Explanation: Substituting "built for the office purpose" with "originally designed for office use" maintains clarity while using a more refined and precise phrase.

  4. "A half of the floor included a meeting room" -> "Half of the floor comprised a meeting room"
    Explanation: The replacement simplifies the expression while maintaining accuracy. It also avoids unnecessary repetition of the word "included."

  5. "manager office" -> "manager’s office"
    Explanation: Adding the possessive form "manager’s" corrects the grammatical structure and ensures proper attribution to the office belonging to the manager.

  6. "Concurrently, the bathroom and shower replaced the secretary’s office and toilet." -> "Simultaneously, the bathroom and shower supplanted the secretary’s office and toilet."
    Explanation: The term "supplanted" is more precise than "replaced," and "simultaneously" is a more formal alternative to "concurrently," enhancing the overall sophistication of the sentence.

  7. "From 2001 until now, the apartment was rebuilt to become a flower shop." -> "Since 2001, the apartment underwent a transformation into a flower shop."
    Explanation: The suggested change offers a more fluid expression, replacing the passive voice with an active construction and using "underwent a transformation" to convey the change more vividly.

  8. "The kitchen has been located at the top-right-hand corner" -> "The kitchen has been situated in the top-right-hand corner"
    Explanation: Substituting "located" with "situated" provides a more formal and precise term, improving the overall tone of the sentence.

  9. "gift cards and a play area replaced the living room" -> "The living room was replaced by a gift card section and a play area."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and emphasizes the replacement of the living room by clearly stating what took its place first.

  10. "The appearance of two blocks of flowers erased the bedroom 2." -> "Two flower display units replaced Bedroom 2."
    Explanation: The revised phrase employs a more specific and accurate term ("flower display units") instead of a general reference to the appearance of flowers, improving clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the task by presenting a chronological overview of the ground floor’s transformation from an office in 1958 to an apartment complex in 1985 and finally a flower shop from 2001 to the present. Key features and changes are highlighted, such as room conversions and shifts in purpose over time.

How to improve:
To elevate the score, consider providing more specific details about the changes in each stage. Expand on the reasons or motivations behind the transformations, such as why certain rooms were converted or how these changes affected the functionality of the space. Additionally, enhancing the coherence and organization of the essay would further strengthen the response. Try to link the changes across time more explicitly, creating a smoother flow between the different stages of transformation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a relatively clear organization of information with a discernible progression from 1958 to the present. The writer uses cohesive devices effectively to present the changes over time, although there are instances where the cohesion within and between sentences could be enhanced for smoother transitions. There is a logical flow within each paragraph, presenting the changes in the ground floor layout. However, there are areas where the referencing could be clearer, specifically in connecting the changes across different time frames.

The essay uses cohesive devices such as ‘before becoming,’ ‘throughout the years,’ ‘in 1958,’ ‘from 2001 until now,’ which help in establishing a timeline of changes. However, there are moments where the connections between sentences could be refined for a more seamless progression. For instance, transitions like ‘Concurrently’ or ‘Another noticeable change is’ serve as good linking phrases but could be utilized more consistently throughout the essay.

Paragraphing is somewhat logical but might benefit from better structuring, especially in delineating the significant transitions. While the essay contains paragraphs representing the changes across different time frames, the clarity could be improved by reinforcing stronger topic sentences at the onset of each paragraph.

Additionally, there are minor grammatical and structural issues that slightly hinder the coherence of the essay. For instance, the sentence "The kitchen has been located at the top-right-hand corner from 1958 to present" could be more precise to enhance coherence.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance the use of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
  2. Strengthen the structure of paragraphs by employing clear and distinct topic sentences that summarize the changes within each time frame.
  3. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision in conveying information about the transformations.

By focusing on these improvements, the essay’s coherence and cohesion can be further refined, elevating it towards a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, attempting to use less common words, such as "installments" and "reconstructions." The essay also describes changes over time with clarity. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward expressions, such as "It is obvious that the floor was separated into two main sections" and "The appearance of two blocks of flowers erased the bedroom 2." Additionally, there are minor errors in word choice and collocation, like "installments" instead of "alterations" or "modifications." Overall, the vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but there is room for improvement in precision and accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, focus on using more precise and accurate vocabulary. Instead of general phrases like "it is obvious," provide specific details without unnecessary qualifiers. Also, be cautious with less common words to ensure they are used accurately. Consider revising awkward expressions to improve the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. Proofread carefully to catch minor errors in word choice and collocation, aiming for greater precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, falling within the Band 7 descriptor. The writer uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are error-free. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally good, with only a few errors.

The essay effectively communicates the changes in the ground floor over time, utilizing a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. The writer successfully conveys the transformations from an office to an apartment and, finally, to a flower shop. The narrative is clear, and the use of transitional phrases helps guide the reader through the chronological progression of changes.

While there are some minor errors, such as missing articles ("the ground floor has transformed") and a few awkward phrasings ("the floor was built for the office purpose"), these do not significantly impede communication. Overall, the essay showcases a good command of grammar and punctuation, meeting the criteria for a Band 7 score.

How to improve:
To further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay attention to article usage and refine sentence structures for smoother expression. Additionally, a more varied vocabulary could elevate the essay’s language, contributing to an even stronger overall presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams delineate the evolutionary changes undergone by the ground floor of a specific building from 1958 to the present.

Introduction:
The series of maps presents a chronological depiction of alterations that have transpired on the ground floor over the span of several decades.

Overview:
Overall, the ground floor has undergone a significant metamorphosis, transitioning from its initial role as an office in 1958 to its current function as a flower shop. The transformations encompass structural modifications and repurposing of spaces, evident in the shift from an office layout to an apartment configuration and subsequently to a floral retail setting.

Detailed Paragraphs:

1958:
In 1958, the ground floor was originally designed for office purposes, characterized by a clear demarcation into two primary sections. One section housed a meeting room, two office spaces allocated for an assistant and a secretary, and a toilet. The other section comprised a kitchen, a manager’s office, and a reception area.

1985:
By 1985, the floor underwent a radical transformation into an apartment complex. Notably, the manager’s office and reception area were replaced by two bedrooms. Simultaneously, the bathroom and shower facilities took the place of the secretary’s office and toilet. An additional noteworthy change was the conversion of the meeting room into a living room located at the corner of the floor.

2001 – Present:
From 2001 onwards, the apartment evolved further, transforming into a flower shop. The kitchen retained its position in the top-right-hand corner from its inception in 1958. However, notable alterations included the replacement of the living room and bathroom with a play area and gift card section, respectively. Bedroom 1 transitioned into an office, while the introduction of two blocks of flowers erased the existence of Bedroom 2.

In summary, the ground floor has undergone a multifaceted evolution, adapting to varied functionalities over the years, ultimately culminating in its current incarnation as a flower shop.

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