The plan below shows a school in 1985 and the school now. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The plan below shows a school in 1985 and the school now.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The plan depicts the internal layout of a particular school in 1985 and in the present.
Overall,the educational facility has gone through some substantial structural alterations, as well as an notable increase in the number of classrooms to accommodate a higher number of students.

As of the year 1985, the school possessed a large field devoted to playing and in front of which existed a pathway connecting it to the main rectangular car park. On each side of the small road were classrooms, with the larger, two-floored one being on the right side. On the left beside the smaller classrooms was a lesser-sized car park. Behind this parking area were the office and the library.
Currently,some major renovations have been made regarding the school’s structure. First of all the playing field has been reduced in size, and the repurposed space was utilized to construct a pool and a fitness center. In addition to that, the road section that once connected it to the parking area had been demolished, giving space for trees. The next alteration made was the changing of the shape of the car park, from rectangular to half-moon. In addition, the school now has more classrooms compared to 1985, with an extra storey built for the classroom blocks and the construction of a new studying area right next to it. Finally, the library is now separated into two distinct sections, the learning resources center and the computer classroom.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "substantial" -> "significant"
   Explanation: Replacing "substantial" with "significant" provides a more precise and formal description of the structural changes undergone by the educational facility.

2. "notable" -> "remarkable"
   Explanation: Using "remarkable" instead of "notable" elevates the vocabulary choice and enhances the overall sophistication of the description of the increase in classrooms.

3. "possessed" -> "had"
   Explanation: "Possessed" is a bit formal and archaic in this context, "had" is a simpler and more commonly used alternative that fits better in this sentence.

4. "lesser-sized" -> "smaller"
   Explanation: "Lesser-sized" is awkward and less commonly used, "smaller" is a more straightforward and appropriate term to describe the size of the car park.

5. "repurposed" -> "reallocated"
   Explanation: "Reallocated" is a more formal and precise term to describe the space being used for constructing a pool and a fitness center, enhancing the vocabulary choice in the sentence.

6. "demolished" -> "removed"
   Explanation: "Removed" is a less harsh term compared to "demolished" and fits better in the context of the road section being taken out to make space for trees.

7. "alteration" -> "modification"
   Explanation: "Modification" is a more formal and specific term to describe the changes made to the shape of the car park, providing a more sophisticated vocabulary choice.

8. "distinct" -> "separate"
   Explanation: "Separate" is a more common and straightforward term to describe the two sections of the library, enhancing clarity and simplicity in the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main features of the school in 1985 and the present. The key features such as the layout, changes in the playing field, construction of new facilities, and increase in classrooms are highlighted and compared appropriately.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed descriptions of the changes made to the school’s structure and layout. Additionally, ensuring a smoother transition between the description of the school in 1985 and the present would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges the information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from describing the school in 1985 to its current state. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are some instances where cohesion within and between sentences may be faulty or mechanical. The referencing is clear and appropriate, but the paragraphing is not always logical.
How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, focus on ensuring a smoother transition between ideas and paragraphs. Pay attention to the flow of information and use cohesive devices more consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, make sure that the paragraphing is logical and helps to clearly separate different ideas or aspects of the comparison.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow for flexibility and precision in conveying the main features of the school in 1985 and the present. The writer uses less common lexical items such as "repurposed," "alterations," and "distinct sections," showing some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "an notable increase" instead of "a notable increase" and "an extra storey" instead of "an additional storey." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer can focus on using more varied and precise vocabulary throughout the essay. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice and word formation can help reduce the occurrence of minor errors and enhance the overall sophistication of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing some variety in sentence structures. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, but they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay provides a clear comparison between the school in 1985 and the present, using descriptive language to highlight the changes.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider range of complex structures and pay attention to punctuation and grammar errors. Ensure that sentences are clear and concise to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, proofreading for errors before submission can help improve the overall accuracy of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the floor plan of a school in 1985 and its current layout. Overall, the educational institution has undergone significant structural changes, including a notable increase in the number of classrooms to cater to a larger student population.

In 1985, the school featured a spacious playing field, with a pathway leading to a rectangular car park. Flanking this road were classrooms, with a larger two-story building on the right side. Adjacent to the smaller classrooms on the left was a smaller car park, behind which were the office and the library.

Presently, the school has undergone substantial renovations. The playing field has been reduced in size to accommodate a pool and a fitness center. The road connecting the field to the car park has been removed, making way for trees. The car park has been redesigned from a rectangular shape to a half-moon shape. Moreover, additional classrooms have been constructed, including an extra storey for classroom blocks and a new study area. The library has been divided into two sections, namely the learning resources center and the computer classroom.