The plan provides information about how the layout of the conference center changed between 2010 and 2025.

Generally, this center was modified significantly after a period of time and the most noticeable change was the reduction in the size of garden in the middle to make way for several rooms.

In 2010, there was a garden located on the east side of the map after the car park. However, after 15 years, in 2025, this garden was cleared and replaced by a bigger car park. Additionally, the garden in the middle of this center was reduced in order to create space for four new rooms namely meeting room, game room and music room.

Looking at the southwest part of the conference center, the empty area was used for building a new IT center on the left and canteen and kitchen on the right. Despite these dramatical modifications, some places like the hall, reception and two rooms in the northwest part of the map remained unchanged over a period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Generally" -> "Overall"
Explanation: "Generally" can be seen as somewhat informal and vague in academic writing. "Overall" provides a more precise and formal alternative that is commonly used in academic contexts to introduce a summary or overview.
"modified significantly" -> "underwent significant modifications"
Explanation: "Modified significantly" is a correct phrase but can be improved for formality and specificity. "Underwent significant modifications" uses more formal language and aligns better with academic style.
"the reduction in the size of garden" -> "the reduction in garden size"
Explanation: "The reduction in the size of garden" is a bit awkward and verbose. "The reduction in garden size" simplifies the phrase while maintaining clarity and formality.
"make way for" -> "to accommodate"
Explanation: "Make way for" is an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic writing. "To accommodate" is a more precise and formal alternative that fits the context better.
"a bigger car park" -> "an expanded parking area"
Explanation: "A bigger car park" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "An expanded parking area" is more specific and formal, suitable for an academic description.
"was cleared and replaced" -> "was cleared to make way for"
Explanation: "Was cleared and replaced" is a bit informal and vague. "Was cleared to make way for" provides a clearer and more formal explanation of the action.
"the garden in the middle of this center" -> "the central garden"
Explanation: "The garden in the middle of this center" is verbose. "The central garden" is concise and maintains the formal tone.
"four new rooms namely meeting room, game room and music room" -> "four new rooms, specifically a meeting room, game room, and music room"
Explanation: "Namely" is informal and can be replaced with "specifically" for a more formal tone. Also, using commas after "rooms" improves the readability and formality of the list.
"dramatical" -> "dramatic"
Explanation: "Dramatical" is not a word; the correct term is "dramatic." This correction maintains the intended meaning and enhances the academic tone.
"empty area" -> "vacant space"
Explanation: "Empty area" is somewhat informal and vague. "Vacant space" is more precise and formal, fitting the context of a detailed description of changes in the layout.
"building a new IT center" -> "constructing a new IT center"
Explanation: "Building" is correct but "constructing" is more specific and formal, which is preferable in academic writing.
"canteen and kitchen" -> "canteen and kitchen facilities"
Explanation: Adding "facilities" provides a more formal and detailed description, which is appropriate for an academic context that requires precision.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with the standards of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the changes to the conference center. The essay highlights the key features of the changes, such as the reduction of the garden and the addition of new rooms. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes and the details are not always accurate. For example, the essay states that the garden on the east side of the map was replaced by a bigger car park, but the image shows that the car park remained the same size.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the changes and by ensuring that the details are accurate. The essay could also be improved by using more specific language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying "the garden was reduced," the essay could say "the garden was reduced in size by 50%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:

The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, and there is a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion.
Cohesive devices are used effectively, but there are instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences feels somewhat mechanical. For example, the transition between the description of the garden’s changes and the southwest part of the conference center could be smoother.
Paragraphing is used, but the logical flow could be improved. The essay consists of three paragraphs, each focusing on different aspects of the changes, but the connection between these paragraphs could be more explicit.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore," "In addition," or "As a result" can help to link ideas more clearly.
Improve Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression from one paragraph to the next is logical and easy to follow. Consider adding a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main changes and their impact on the conference center.
Refine Sentence Structure: Avoid mechanical cohesion by varying sentence structures and using more complex sentences where appropriate. This will help to create a more natural flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it communicates the main ideas regarding the changes in the conference center’s layout, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "dramatical" instead of "dramatic," and some awkward phrasing that detracts from clarity. Additionally, the essay lacks variety in vocabulary, which limits its effectiveness in conveying precise meanings.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and ensuring correct usage will improve clarity and precision. Finally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will further strengthen the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures. While it attempts to use some complex sentences, these are often less accurate than the simpler ones. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as issues with subject-verb agreement ("this garden was cleared and replaced by a bigger car park" could be clearer with a more precise structure) and punctuation errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the errors do not completely obscure meaning, but they do detract from the clarity and professionalism expected at higher band scores.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures while ensuring accuracy.
Proofreading for Errors: Review the essay for grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors to enhance clarity and coherence.
Use of Subordinate Clauses: Include more subordinate clauses to demonstrate a better command of complex structures.
Consistent Tense Usage: Ensure that verb tenses are used consistently to avoid confusion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The plan provides information about how the layout of the conference center changed between 2010 and 2025.

Generally, this center underwent significant modifications over this period, with the most noticeable change being the reduction in the size of the garden in the middle to accommodate several new rooms.

In 2010, there was a garden located on the east side of the map, adjacent to the car park. However, after 15 years, in 2025, this garden was cleared and replaced by a larger car park. Additionally, the garden in the center of the conference center was diminished to create space for four new rooms, namely a meeting room, a game room, and a music room.

Looking at the southwest part of the conference center, the previously empty area was utilized for constructing a new IT center on the left, along with a canteen and kitchen on the right. Despite these dramatic modifications, some areas, such as the hall, reception, and two rooms in the northwest part of the map, remained unchanged over this period.