The plan shows the design of a community center 10 years ago and now.
The two illustrations compare the layout of a community center 10 years ago and at the present.
Overall, while the hall and car park remain unchanged, the indoor sports has been turned into an outdoor area, along with several adjustments to the office and storage rooms.
In the original layout, the community center had 6 offices in total and 2 storage areas. 10 years later, the largest office to the north now shares space with the southern storage room, leaving its space for a cafeteria. This refreshment complex also comes with a coffee bar in the place of a former office, next to the toilet.
While the east-side storage and the kitchen stay at the same place, the four small offices on the same side have been merged into a single large one. Another noticeable change is the indoor sports room being repurposed into an outdoor garden that can be accessed from the office, hall and car park.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"indoor sports" -> "indoor sports facility"
Explanation: Adding "facility" after "indoor sports" provides a more precise and formal description of the area, conveying that it is a dedicated space for indoor sports activities.
"refreshment complex" -> "recreational area"
Explanation: Substituting "refreshment complex" with "recreational area" offers a broader and more encompassing term for the space, considering it may involve more than just refreshments, such as seating or leisure activities.
"coffee bar" -> "coffee lounge"
Explanation: Replacing "coffee bar" with "coffee lounge" elevates the sophistication of the description, suggesting a more relaxed and comfortable setting for enjoying coffee.
"merged into" -> "consolidated into"
Explanation: Changing "merged into" to "consolidated into" maintains clarity while introducing a more formal term, emphasizing the combining of the four small offices into a single large one.
"noticeable change" -> "significant transformation"
Explanation: Substituting "noticeable change" with "significant transformation" imparts a higher degree of impact and importance to the modification, elevating the language used to describe the alteration.
"repurposed into" -> "transformed into"
Explanation: Replacing "repurposed into" with "transformed into" enhances the level of sophistication in describing the conversion of the indoor sports room into an outdoor garden, emphasizing a more profound and deliberate transformation.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay provides a clear comparison of the community center’s layout from 10 years ago to the present. It outlines the unchanged areas and effectively highlights the modifications made to different sections of the center. The essay maintains a coherent structure and covers the main alterations in the office spaces, storage areas, and the transformation of the indoor sports area into an outdoor garden. The key features and changes are presented with clarity and sufficient detail to convey the differences between the two layouts.
How to improve:
To enhance the Task Achievement, consider elaborating further on the impact or purpose behind these changes. Additionally, providing more specific details regarding the sizes or functionalities of the areas before and after the modifications could strengthen the response. Expanding on how these changes might have affected the overall functionality or usage of the community center would add depth to the comparison.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically, offering a comparison between the community center’s design from a decade ago and its current layout. There is a recognizable progression in presenting the changes made to different areas of the center. Each paragraph focuses on specific aspects, such as offices, storage rooms, and the indoor sports area, effectively outlining alterations made over time. The essay generally maintains coherence, leading the reader through a cohesive discussion of the changes.
There is evident use of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences, aiding in the understanding of the changes. For instance, phrases like "while," "along with," and "another noticeable change" contribute to the logical progression of ideas. The essay also utilizes referencing and substitution adequately to connect past and present elements of the center’s layout.
Paragraphing is sufficiently managed, providing a clear central topic within each paragraph. However, there could be a more explicit link between some ideas to further enhance the coherence and cohesion. While the essay mostly avoids repetitive information, a tighter connection between paragraphs could refine the overall coherence.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion to a Band 8 level, consider strengthening the explicit connections between ideas by employing additional transitional phrases. Furthermore, strive for a more seamless flow between paragraphs, ensuring a smoother transition between the discussed changes in the community center’s layout. Additionally, refine the logical sequence of ideas to further solidify the overall progression in the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing some flexibility and precision in conveying the information about the community center’s layout changes. The writer uses less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation, contributing to a fairly varied vocabulary. The transitions between ideas are clear, aiding the overall coherence of the essay. There are some minor errors in word choice and collocation, but they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively describes the modifications in the community center over the given time frame.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score to Band 8, strive for a more precise and fluent use of vocabulary. Ensure consistency in word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Pay close attention to detail, refining the selection of less common lexical items to convey meanings with greater accuracy. Additionally, thorough proofreading can help eliminate minor errors in spelling and word formation, further elevating the overall quality of lexical features.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures. The introduction and body paragraphs utilize a mix of sentence types, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a good attempt to incorporate complex sentences, such as "the largest office to the north now shares space with the southern storage room," which enhances the overall grammatical range. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer maintains good control of grammar and punctuation. There are few errors, and those that occur are minor and do not impede communication.
How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer could consider incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures. Additionally, attention to detail in punctuation, especially in complex sentences, can help polish the overall presentation. While the essay demonstrates proficiency, a slight improvement in complexity and precision would contribute to reaching a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the provided report:
The diagrams compare the floor plan of a community center a decade ago with its current layout.
In general, the main hall and parking area have remained unaltered, while significant modifications have been made to the indoor sports area, office spaces, and storage rooms.
Initially, the community center comprised six separate offices and two storage compartments. Presently, the most substantial office situated in the northern section has been amalgamated with the southern storage room, making room for a cafeteria. Additionally, this dining area includes a coffee bar, previously occupied by an office, adjacent to the restroom facilities.
While the storage room on the eastern side and the kitchen retain their original positions, the four smaller offices on this side have been amalgamated into a single, larger office space. Notably, the indoor sports facility has been repurposed into an outdoor garden accessible from the office, main hall, and parking area.
Overall, the community center has undergone a notable transformation over the past decade, with changes mainly centered around office consolidation, the introduction of a cafeteria, and the conversion of the indoor sports area into an outdoor garden.
This revised essay maintains the original information while refining grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure to enhance clarity and precision.