The plans below show a habour in 2000 and how it looks today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparision where relevant.

The plans below show a habour in 2000 and how it looks today.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparision where relevant.

The charts illustrate the development of the harbor after two decades since 2000.
Overall, over two decades, the harbor has passed many improvement steps to enhance attractiveness for tourists and residents. Some new outstanding facilities have been constructed such as a new hotel with a private beach; a quantity of docks have been increased and buildings have been expanded.
To the western of the map, a main road and two car parks remain the same. However, the entrance to the car park in the southwest corner has been converted from road to main road. Adjacent to this car park, a new shower and toilet facility has been built. It is noteworthy that a Marina ( private yachts) and a fishing boat have been replaced to become more convenient in connecting with facilities in the southeast.
Shifting our attention to the eastern side of map, the most outstanding change is the construction of a row of shops and cafes beside a life boat in the east, along with the addition of a dock in the northern part of map. Furthermore, a public beach, which was in the south of the map, has been converted into a private beach and the conversion of a disused castle in the southern corner into a hotel are noticeable developments. The lifeboat station in the south and the passenger ferries and public beach in the northeastern corner remain unchanged.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The charts illustrate the development of the harbor after two decades since 2000." -> "The charts depict the harbor’s development over a period of two decades since 2000."
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in this context, and "over a period of" is more specific than "after," enhancing the academic tone.
"the harbor has passed many improvement steps" -> "the harbor has undergone numerous improvements"
Explanation: "Undergone numerous improvements" is more precise and formal than "passed many improvement steps," which is awkward and unclear.
"Some new outstanding facilities have been constructed" -> "Several new facilities have been constructed"
Explanation: "Several" is more appropriate than "some" in formal writing, and "outstanding" is redundant when used with "new," so it’s removed for clarity and precision.
"a quantity of docks have been increased" -> "the number of docks has increased"
Explanation: "The number of docks has increased" is grammatically correct and more direct, avoiding the awkward and unclear "a quantity of docks have been increased."
"buildings have been expanded" -> "buildings have been expanded"
Explanation: This correction addresses a grammatical error, ensuring subject-verb agreement.
"To the western of the map" -> "On the western side of the map"
Explanation: "On the western side of the map" is grammatically correct and clearer than "to the western of the map," which is incorrect.
"a main road and two car parks remain the same" -> "the main road and two car parks remain unchanged"
Explanation: "Remain unchanged" is more precise and formal than "remain the same," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the entrance to the car park in the southwest corner has been converted from road to main road" -> "the entrance to the car park in the southwest corner has been upgraded to a main road"
Explanation: "Upgraded to a main road" is more specific and formal than "converted from road to main road," which is redundant.
"a Marina ( private yachts) and a fishing boat have been replaced to become more convenient in connecting with facilities in the southeast" -> "the marina and fishing boat have been replaced to facilitate connections with facilities in the southeast"
Explanation: "Facilitate connections" is more precise and formal than "become more convenient in connecting," and removing the unnecessary parentheses around "private yachts" improves readability.
"Shifting our attention to the eastern side of map" -> "Moving our attention to the eastern side of the map"
Explanation: "Moving our attention" is more formal and natural than "Shifting our attention," and "the map" should be included for grammatical correctness.
"a row of shops and cafes beside a life boat" -> "a row of shops and cafes adjacent to the lifeboat"
Explanation: "Adjacent to the lifeboat" is more precise and formal than "beside a life boat," and "lifeboat" should be singular.
"the conversion of a disused castle in the southern corner into a hotel are noticeable developments" -> "the conversion of the disused castle in the southern corner into a hotel is a notable development"
Explanation: "Is a notable development" corrects the grammatical error and uses "notable" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the harbour, selecting and reporting the main features. It adequately highlights key features, such as the new hotel, the conversion of the public beach to a private beach, and the addition of shops and cafes. However, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "a quantity of docks have been increased," which is not supported by the images. The essay also makes some inaccurate statements, such as the claim that the entrance to the car park in the southwest corner has been converted from road to main road.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most significant changes and providing more accurate information. The writer should also avoid making irrelevant statements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The main features of the harbor’s development are identified, and there is an attempt to compare changes over the two decades. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances where their application is somewhat mechanical or unclear, leading to occasional confusion in the flow of ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for better logical organization.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the natural flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically connects to the next would strengthen coherence. More precise referencing and a clearer distinction between past and present changes would also help improve clarity and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "enhance attractiveness," "outstanding facilities," and "converted," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "a quantity of docks have been increased" and "the conversion of a disused castle in the southern corner into a hotel are noticeable developments." Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "life boat" (should be "lifeboat") and "to the western of the map" (should be "to the west of the map"). These errors do not severely impede communication but indicate a need for improvement in lexical control.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. This includes practicing the use of synonyms and more sophisticated phrases. Additionally, attention should be given to grammatical structures and collocations to avoid awkward phrasing. Regular reading and writing practice, along with feedback from knowledgeable sources, can help in developing a more natural and varied vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective structures and the overall meaning is communicated, there are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "a quantity of docks have been increased" and "the conversion of a disused castle in the southern corner into a hotel are noticeable developments" contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can affect readability.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and punctuation. This can be done by practicing complex sentence forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, proofreading for common errors and refining awkward phrases will enhance clarity and coherence. Expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures will also contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The charts illustrate the development of the harbor over two decades since 2000. Overall, during this period, the harbor has undergone numerous improvements to enhance its attractiveness for both tourists and residents. Notable new facilities have been constructed, including a hotel with a private beach; the number of docks has increased, and existing buildings have been expanded.

To the west of the map, a main road and two car parks remain unchanged. However, the entrance to the car park in the southwest corner has been converted from a road to a main road. Adjacent to this car park, a new shower and toilet facility has been built. It is noteworthy that a marina for private yachts and a fishing boat area have been replaced to improve convenience in connecting with facilities in the southeast.

Shifting our attention to the eastern side of the map, the most significant change is the construction of a row of shops and cafes beside a lifeboat station in the east, along with the addition of a dock in the northern part of the map. Furthermore, a public beach, which was located in the south of the map, has been converted into a private beach, and the transformation of a disused castle in the southern corner into a hotel is a noticeable development. The lifeboat station in the south and the passenger ferries and public beach in the northeastern corner remain unchanged.