The plans below show a public park when it first open in 1920 and the same park today.

The maps outline the changes that took place in a public parkland from 1920 today.

Overall, Grange park is likely to undergo some significant changes. The most striking changes are appearance of several entertainmental places.

It is noticed that the rose garden which stays at the center of the backyard, is constructed on the original site of foundation. At the same time, many seats were relocated from along the park to be surrounded by a rose garden. I am of the opinion that the purpose of this is flowers can be enjoyed by tourists. On the left of the diagrams, where the stage for musicians stood there is now a Amphitheatre for concert.

According to the maps, above the park, on the left corner a rose garden still exists. Besides, the entrances which are opposite two sides of the foundation in 1920, stay unchanged. Nearly, pond for water plants was converted to a children's play area. Next to this, a café is created. Water features are likely opposite café and children's play area to replace glasshouse. Entrance underground car park is erec by water features

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"from 1920 today" -> "from 1920 to today"
Explanation: The phrase "from 1920 today" lacks the necessary preposition "to," which clarifies the time span being discussed.
"Grange park is likely to undergo some significant changes" -> "Grange Park is expected to undergo significant changes"
Explanation: "Expected" is more formal and precise than "likely," and "significant changes" does not require "some," which can be vague.
"appearance of several entertainmental places" -> "appearance of several entertainment venues"
Explanation: "Entertainmental" is not a standard word; "entertainment venues" is a more appropriate and widely accepted term in academic writing.
"which stays at the center of the backyard" -> "which is situated at the center of the park"
Explanation: "Stays" is too informal; "is situated" conveys a more formal tone. Additionally, "backyard" is not appropriate in this context; "park" is more accurate.
"the original site of foundation" -> "the original site of the foundation"
Explanation: The addition of "the" clarifies the noun phrase, making it grammatically correct.
"I am of the opinion that the purpose of this is flowers can be enjoyed by tourists" -> "It appears that the purpose of this is to allow tourists to enjoy the flowers"
Explanation: The original phrase is overly informal and convoluted. The revised version is clearer and maintains a formal tone.
"there is now a Amphitheatre for concert" -> "there is now an amphitheater for concerts"
Explanation: "An" is the correct article to use before a vowel sound, and "amphitheater" should be lowercase as it is not a proper noun. "Concert" should be pluralized to "concerts" for grammatical accuracy.
"on the left corner a rose garden still exists" -> "in the upper left corner, a rose garden still exists"
Explanation: "In the upper left corner" provides a clearer spatial reference, improving the precision of the description.
"the entrances which are opposite two sides of the foundation in 1920, stay unchanged" -> "the entrances, which are located opposite two sides of the foundation from 1920, remain unchanged"
Explanation: "Which are located" is more precise than "which are," and "remain" is a more formal alternative to "stay."
"Nearly, pond for water plants was converted to a children’s play area" -> "Additionally, the pond for aquatic plants was converted into a children’s play area"
Explanation: "Additionally" is a more formal transition than "nearly," and "aquatic plants" is a more precise term than "water plants." "Converted to" should be changed to "converted into" for grammatical accuracy.
"Next to this, a café is created" -> "Next to this, a café has been established"
Explanation: "Has been established" is more formal and indicates a completed action, which is appropriate for academic writing.
"Water features are likely opposite café and children’s play area to replace glasshouse" -> "Water features are likely located opposite the café and children’s play area, replacing the glasshouse"
Explanation: "Located" clarifies the position, and the phrase is restructured for better flow and clarity.
"Entrance underground car park is erec by water features" -> "The entrance to the underground car park is located near the water features"
Explanation: "The entrance to" provides clarity, and "is located near" is more precise and grammatically correct than "is erec by."

These changes enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic audience.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in the park. The writer focuses on details rather than the overall changes.

How to improve: The writer should focus on providing a clear overview of the changes that have taken place in the park. They should also make sure that they cover all of the key features/bullet points. The writer should also use a more appropriate format for their essay. For example, they could use bullet points or a table to present their information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable issues with overall progression. While it attempts to describe changes in the park, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, resulting in a lack of clarity. There are instances of repetition and unclear referencing, particularly with phrases like "the original site of foundation" and "the entrances which are opposite two sides of the foundation." Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effective, as it does not clearly delineate different aspects of the park’s changes.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively, such as linking words and phrases, would help clarify relationships between ideas. Improving paragraph structure by clearly defining topics within each paragraph would also contribute to better organization. Lastly, avoiding repetitive language and ensuring accurate referencing would strengthen the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the park, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "entertainmental places" and "erec," which detract from clarity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the purpose of this is flowers can be enjoyed" shows a lack of grammatical control. Spelling errors, such as "backyard" instead of "park" and "Amphitheatre" not being consistently capitalized, further hinder communication. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the lexical resource is insufficient for higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms related to the topic. Avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring correct word forms and collocations will improve clarity. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors can significantly enhance the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary and practicing its application in context will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with several attempts at complex sentences that are often inaccurate. While there are some correct simple sentences, the overall frequency of grammatical errors affects clarity and coherence. For instance, phrases like "the appearance of several entertainmental places" and "the purpose of this is flowers can be enjoyed" reflect awkward constructions and errors in word choice. Additionally, punctuation issues, such as missing commas and incorrect article usage, contribute to a lack of fluency.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a broader range of complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Error Correction: Review and revise for common grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules, especially with commas and conjunctions, to improve readability.
Clarity of Expression: Aim for clearer expressions of ideas, ensuring that sentences convey meaning without ambiguity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The maps outline the changes that took place in a public park from 1920 to the present day.

Overall, Grange Park has undergone some significant changes. The most striking alterations are the appearance of several entertainment areas.

It is noted that the rose garden, which is located at the center of the park, has been constructed on the original site of the foundation. At the same time, many seats were relocated from around the park to be surrounded by the rose garden. I believe that the purpose of this is to allow visitors to enjoy the flowers. On the left side of the diagrams, where the stage for musicians once stood, there is now an amphitheater for concerts.

According to the maps, in the upper left corner of the park, a rose garden still exists. Additionally, the entrances, which are located on opposite sides of the foundation in 1920, remain unchanged. Meanwhile, the pond for water plants has been converted into a children’s play area. Next to this, a café has been created. Water features are likely situated opposite the café and children’s play area, replacing the former glasshouse. An entrance to an underground car park has been constructed near the water features.