The plans below show a school in 1985 and the school now

The given diagrams depict the difference between the arrangement of a school between 1985 and now.

Overall, there are more amenities in the present school compared to the past, especially in the area of the playing field as well as the size of the road.

1985 schools contained around 1,500 students, there was a large rectangular car park located in the top of the diagram surrounded by the road with entrance ways in the left and an exit in the right. The office was placed in the east side of the car park. Slightly below was the library and smaller parking lot and classrooms area was next to the right side of it. Notably, the huge playing fields was secluded in the great area in the South region and the road also had a path leading to it.

In terms of the current school that had the population of about 2,300 students. The large car park is now transformed to the half-circle shape. The size of the playing fields is. mitigated and the ways to that area are now removed and replaced by some trees. To the east of those trees, the office remains in the same area although there have been some changes in its shape, there is a learning resources centre with a computer room, classrooms and fitness centre with a pool. In the opposite side, there is a three-storeys classroom block and under it is the area for classrooms.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given diagrams depict" -> "The diagrams illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a more precise and formal term than "depict," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe visual representations.
"there are more amenities" -> "there is an increased provision of amenities"
Explanation: "An increased provision of" is more formal and precise than "more," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"especially in the area of the playing field as well as the size of the road" -> "particularly in the expansion of the playing fields and the realignment of the road"
Explanation: "Expansion" and "realignment" are more specific and formal terms that better describe the changes in the diagrams, enhancing the academic tone.
"1985 schools" -> "schools in 1985"
Explanation: Placing "in 1985" after "schools" clarifies the temporal reference, aligning with formal academic style.
"there was a large rectangular car park located in the top of the diagram" -> "the diagram shows a large rectangular car park situated at the top"
Explanation: "The diagram shows" is more accurate and formal than "there was," and "situated" is a more precise verb than "located."
"entrance ways" -> "entrance ways"
Explanation: "Entrance ways" should be singular to match the singular noun "road."
"exit in the right" -> "exit on the right"
Explanation: "On the right" is more grammatically correct and formal than "in the right."
"Slightly below was the library and smaller parking lot and classrooms area" -> "slightly below, the library, a smaller parking lot, and classrooms"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the structure and uses commas to separate items in a list, enhancing readability and formality.
"huge playing fields" -> "large playing fields"
Explanation: "Large" is a more precise and less hyperbolic term than "huge," which is typically avoided in formal writing.
"mitigated" -> "reduced"
Explanation: "Reduced" is a clearer and more direct term than "mitigated," which can be ambiguous in this context.
"the ways to that area are now removed" -> "the access paths to this area have been removed"
Explanation: "Access paths" is a more specific term than "ways," and "have been removed" is more formal than "are now removed."
"some trees" -> "several trees"
Explanation: "Several" is more precise and formal than "some," which is vague.
"there have been some changes in its shape" -> "its shape has undergone changes"
Explanation: "Has undergone changes" is more formal and active, improving the sentence structure.
"there is a learning resources centre with a computer room, classrooms and fitness centre with a pool" -> "the learning resources center features a computer room, classrooms, and a fitness center with a pool"
Explanation: "Features" is more formal than "is," and the use of "features" with a comma after it is more appropriate for listing items in formal writing.
"under it is the area for classrooms" -> "beneath it lies the classroom area"
Explanation: "Beneath it lies" is more formal and precise than "under it is," and "classroom area" is a more specific term than "the area for classrooms."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes to the school between 1985 and now. It identifies the key features of the school in 1985 and the present day, including the car park, playing fields, and classrooms. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the playing fields are "mitigated" in the present day, which is not a clear or accurate description of the change.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and accurate descriptions of the changes to the school. For example, the essay could state that the car park has been transformed from a rectangular shape to a half-circle shape, and that the playing fields have been reduced in size and are now surrounded by trees. The essay could also provide more specific information about the new facilities that have been added to the school, such as the learning resources centre, computer room, fitness centre, and pool.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the changes in the school layout from 1985 to the present. However, the overall progression of ideas is somewhat disjointed. While there is an attempt to organize the information, it lacks a clear and logical flow, which affects coherence. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For instance, phrases like "the size of the playing fields is mitigated" are unclear and disrupt the flow of information. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as some sections could be better structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on organizing the information more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, clarifying vague phrases and ensuring that each point is clearly articulated will enhance overall coherence. Finally, improving the structure of paragraphs to group related ideas together will contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes between the two school layouts, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "the size of the playing fields is. mitigated" which disrupts the flow of the text. Additionally, phrases like "the office remains in the same area although there have been some changes in its shape" lack sophistication and precision. Overall, the lexical resource does not sufficiently convey the intended meaning with clarity and accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context. Additionally, reducing errors in spelling and word formation will improve clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can help to convey ideas more fluently and flexibly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the huge playing fields was secluded") and awkward phrasing ("the size of the playing fields is. mitigated"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation is inconsistent, which further affects clarity. While the essay attempts to convey the differences between the two school layouts, the grammatical inaccuracies hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to improve fluency and coherence.
Grammar Practice: Review and practice common grammatical rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to ensure clarity and improve the overall readability of the essay.
Proofreading: Take time to revise the essay for any grammatical errors and awkward phrasing before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagrams depict the differences in the arrangement of a school between 1985 and the present day.

Overall, there are more amenities in the current school compared to the past, particularly in the area of the playing field and the size of the road.

In 1985, the school accommodated around 1,500 students. There was a large rectangular car park located at the top of the diagram, surrounded by a road with entranceways on the left and an exit on the right. The office was situated on the east side of the car park. Slightly below the office was the library, and to the right of it was a smaller parking lot and classrooms area. Notably, the expansive playing fields were located in the southern region, and the road included a path leading to this area.

In terms of the current school, which has a population of about 2,300 students, the large car park has now been transformed into a half-circle shape. The size of the playing fields has been reduced, and the pathways to that area have been removed and replaced with trees. To the east of these trees, the office remains in the same location, although its shape has changed. Additionally, there is now a learning resources centre with a computer room, classrooms, and a fitness centre with a pool. On the opposite side, there is a three-storey classroom block, and beneath it is the area designated for classrooms.