The plans show the ground floor of the library in 2001 and how it was redeveloped in 2009

The diagrams illustrate the changes that took place between 2001 and 2009 in the ground floor of the library.

Overall, the ground floor of the library underwent a number of dramatic changes, the most important of which was the development of amenities and the expansion of many genres of books catering for a wide range of reader’s needs.

The north-west of the floor saw a number of changes, with the history bookshelves being turned into the self-help, kitchen, economic and law bookshelves, and the self help book area in the south west of the library was converted into the history book and fiction book area. Moreover, the north library area also witnessed significant changes, the fiction bookcase was transformed into the children’s books and the children’s area was constructed nearby it.

The center area of the library saw a reduction of the number of tables, with four longer tables replacing original tables. In the south of the ground floor, the librarian’s desk, stairs and entrance remained, while in the western section, the newspapers and magazines were changed into the films and DVDs area catering for recreational needs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"dramatic changes" -> "significant transformations"
Explanation: The term "dramatic" can imply emotional connotation, which is less suitable for academic writing. "Significant transformations" maintains an objective tone and is more precise in describing the scope of changes.
"catering for a wide range of reader’s needs" -> "serving the diverse needs of readers"
Explanation: "Catering for" is somewhat informal and vague; "serving the diverse needs of readers" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone.
"the north-west of the floor" -> "the northwest area of the floor"
Explanation: "North-west" is a directional phrase that should be written as a single word "northwest" in formal English.
"the self-help, kitchen, economic and law bookshelves" -> "self-help, cookery, economic, and legal bookshelves"
Explanation: "Kitchen" is a colloquial term; "cookery" is more formal and precise. "Law" should be "legal" to maintain consistency in the form of the adjectives.
"the self help book area" -> "the self-help book area"
Explanation: "Self help" should be hyphenated as "self-help" to adhere to standard English usage.
"the north library area" -> "the northern library area"
Explanation: "North" should be "northern" to correctly describe a directional location in formal English.
"was transformed into the children’s books" -> "was converted into a children’s book section"
Explanation: "Transformed into the children’s books" is awkward and vague; "converted into a children’s book section" is clearer and more formal.
"was constructed nearby it" -> "was built adjacent to it"
Explanation: "Constructed nearby" is less precise; "built adjacent to" is more specific and formal.
"a reduction of the number of tables" -> "a decrease in the number of tables"
Explanation: "A reduction" can be replaced with "a decrease" for a more common and formal expression in academic writing.
"four longer tables replacing original tables" -> "four longer tables replacing the original tables"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "original tables" clarifies the reference and maintains grammatical correctness.
"newspapers and magazines were changed into the films and DVDs area" -> "newspaper and magazine collections were converted to film and DVD sections"
Explanation: "Newspapers and magazines" should be pluralized to match "collections" and "changed into" is less formal than "converted to," which is more precise and suitable for an academic context.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task and presents a clear overview of the main changes that took place in the library. The essay highlights the key features of the changes, such as the addition of new book sections and the relocation of existing ones. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the changes, such as the exact number of tables that were replaced or the types of films and DVDs that were added.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes that took place in the library. For example, the essay could state the exact number of tables that were replaced or the types of films and DVDs that were added. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed description of the layout of the library in both 2001 and 2009. This would help the reader to better understand the changes that took place.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the detailed descriptions of changes in the library. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the listing of changes, which can disrupt the flow. The paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, the transitions between the different sections of the library could be smoother to improve the overall readability.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that encapsulate the main idea. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that they enhance rather than hinder the flow of information would improve coherence. More explicit connections between ideas and a more logical progression of information would also contribute to a stronger overall structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "reader’s needs" instead of "readers’ needs," and "self help book area" which should be hyphenated as "self-help book area." While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, there are several errors in spelling and word formation that detract from the overall quality. The essay lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher band scores.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range by incorporating more varied and precise terms, particularly in describing the changes. Additionally, careful proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors, as well as ensuring correct collocations, will improve clarity and coherence. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items can also contribute to a more sophisticated vocabulary use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the changes in the library’s layout, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "reader’s needs" (should be "readers’ needs") and "self help" (should be hyphenated as "self-help"). These errors, while present, do not significantly impede communication. The overall structure is coherent, and the main ideas are conveyed effectively, but the grammatical inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing detract from the overall quality.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring proper punctuation. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensuring that they are used correctly would improve the overall grammatical range. Practicing with varied sentence forms and seeking feedback on written work can also help in developing stronger grammatical control.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the changes that took place between 2001 and 2009 in the ground floor of the library.

Overall, the ground floor of the library underwent a number of dramatic changes, the most significant of which was the development of amenities and the expansion of various genres of books to cater to a wide range of readers’ needs.

In the north-west section of the floor, several changes occurred, with the history bookshelves being converted into self-help, kitchen, economics, and law bookshelves. Additionally, the self-help book area in the south-west of the library was transformed into the history and fiction book area. Furthermore, the northern part of the library also experienced significant alterations, as the fiction bookcase was replaced with a children’s book section, and a children’s area was constructed nearby.

The central area of the library saw a reduction in the number of tables, with four longer tables replacing the original ones. In the southern part of the ground floor, the librarian’s desk, stairs, and entrance remained unchanged, while in the western section, the newspapers and magazines were replaced with a films and DVDs area catering to recreational needs.