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The population of most cities is growing as people find work and new opportunities. What issues does overcrowding in the city cause? How can these issues be resolved?

The population of most cities is growing as people find work and new opportunities. What issues does overcrowding in the city cause? How can these issues be resolved?

In a global society, there is a tendency for many people to move to cities in search of jobs, leading to the overpopulation of these regions. Environmental issues and the shortage of food, therefore, are two main negative consequences of this trend. The essay will discuss these causes and provide some potent solutions addressing these problems.

On the one hand, environmental problems and the lack of food are pressing issues in many large cities with the crowded population. One important point of view, industrial and human activities have a detrimental impact on our environment. In other words, emissions and exhaust fumes come from factories, business, private vehicles or even the irresponsible disposal of waste, making many rivers, lakes, and roads filled with dust and litter. Moreover, overconsumption due to the increasing population results in the shortage of food in metropolises. People should recognize that residents in rural areas migrate to modern cities to find jobs and new opportunities, meaning that there is not adequate workforce for farming activities producing staples such as wheat, rice, corn. As a result, the limited amount of food would not meet higher demand of urban citizens.

Conversely, governments and local authorities could take some actions to resolve these urgent issues like industrial reorganization, implementing environmental legislation and incentivizing a green roof or balcony. First of all, governments could take a plan for moving factories or industrial sectors to the countryside. More specifically, this practice will offer a lot of employment prospects for locals, enabling them to commute to work in their hometown. without moving to cities. Furthermore, authorities might introduce environmental rules that obligate businesses and households to separate into different types of rubbish such as: plastic waste, recycled waste and so on. If they do not adhere to the rule, they could be punished ranging from small fines to prison sentences for repeated offenders. Finally, local councils ought to encourage citizens to install a green roof or balcony by planting some seasonal vegetables, meaning that they can provide fresh vegetables like carrots and cabbages for their own families, without over relying on other external factors.

In conclusion, the urban migration trend could cause many on-going problems related to the environment and food supply. So that it is necessary for governments to offer innovation and measures to address these issues.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In a global society" -> "In contemporary society"
    Explanation: "Contemporary society" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "global society," which can be vague and overly broad.

  2. "there is a tendency for many people to move" -> "there is a prevailing trend for many individuals to migrate"
    Explanation: "Prevailing trend" and "migrate" are more specific and formal than "tendency" and "move," enhancing the academic tone.

  3. "leading to the overpopulation of these regions" -> "resulting in the overpopulation of these regions"
    Explanation: "Resulting in" is a more precise and formal way to express causality than "leading to."

  4. "the shortage of food" -> "food scarcity"
    Explanation: "Food scarcity" is a more specific and formal term than "the shortage of food," which is somewhat vague.

  5. "One important point of view" -> "One significant perspective"
    Explanation: "Significant perspective" is more formal and precise than "important point of view," which is colloquial.

  6. "industrial and human activities" -> "industrial and human activities"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "activities" should not be repeated.

  7. "emissions and exhaust fumes" -> "emissions and exhaust gases"
    Explanation: "Exhaust gases" is a more scientifically accurate term than "exhaust fumes."

  8. "making many rivers, lakes, and roads filled with dust and litter" -> "resulting in the pollution of many rivers, lakes, and roads with dust and litter"
    Explanation: "Resulting in the pollution of" is a more precise and formal way to describe the environmental impact.

  9. "overconsumption due to the increasing population" -> "overconsumption resulting from the growing population"
    Explanation: "Resulting from" is more formal and precise than "due to," and "growing" is a more specific term than "increasing."

  10. "there is not adequate workforce" -> "there is an inadequate workforce"
    Explanation: "An inadequate workforce" is grammatically correct and more formal than "there is not adequate workforce."

  11. "higher demand of urban citizens" -> "increased demand among urban residents"
    Explanation: "Increased demand among urban residents" is more precise and formal than "higher demand of urban citizens."

  12. "like industrial reorganization" -> "such as industrial reorganization"
    Explanation: "Such as" is more appropriate in formal writing to introduce examples than "like."

  13. "implementing environmental legislation and incentivizing a green roof or balcony" -> "enacting environmental legislation and promoting green roofs and balconies"
    Explanation: "Enacting" and "promoting" are more formal and precise than "implementing" and "incentivizing," and "green roofs and balconies" is a more comprehensive and formal phrase.

  14. "take a plan for moving" -> "develop a plan to relocate"
    Explanation: "Develop a plan to relocate" is more formal and precise than "take a plan for moving."

  15. "without moving to cities" -> "without relocating to cities"
    Explanation: "Relocating" is a more formal term than "moving."

  16. "could be punished ranging from small fines to prison sentences" -> "could face penalties ranging from fines to imprisonment"
    Explanation: "Face penalties" and "imprisonment" are more formal and precise than "punished" and "prison sentences."

  17. "So that it is necessary" -> "Therefore, it is imperative"
    Explanation: "Therefore, it is imperative" is a more formal and direct way to conclude, replacing the less formal "So that it is necessary."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt regarding the issues caused by overcrowding in cities and potential solutions. The author identifies environmental problems and food shortages as the main issues, which are relevant and significant. The solutions proposed, such as industrial reorganization and environmental legislation, are appropriate and directly related to the identified problems. However, the essay could have included additional issues related to overcrowding, such as housing shortages or increased crime rates, which would provide a more comprehensive response.
    • How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, the writer should consider incorporating a broader range of issues associated with overcrowding. This could involve discussing social issues, such as increased traffic congestion or public health concerns, and then proposing solutions for these additional problems.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that urban migration leads to significant environmental and food-related challenges. The stance is consistent, and the author does a good job of linking the problems to their proposed solutions. However, the introduction could be more assertive in stating the position, as it somewhat underplays the urgency of the issues.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the introduction could explicitly state the significance of addressing these issues due to their impact on urban living. Using stronger language to convey urgency and necessity would help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with explanations and examples. For instance, the discussion on industrial activities impacting the environment is well-articulated, and the mention of specific solutions, such as green roofs, adds depth. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration. For example, the explanation of how food shortages arise could include statistics or specific examples of cities facing these challenges.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and data to support claims. This could involve referencing specific cities that have faced these issues or citing studies that illustrate the impact of overcrowding on food supply and environmental degradation.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the issues of environmental degradation and food shortages as consequences of urban overcrowding. The solutions proposed are also relevant to the issues discussed. However, there are moments where the connection between the problems and solutions could be more explicitly stated, particularly in the transition between discussing issues and proposing solutions.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each solution directly addresses the corresponding problem. Clear transitional phrases that link problems to their solutions would enhance coherence and reinforce the essay’s focus on the prompt.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured response. By expanding on the range of issues discussed, providing more detailed support for ideas, and enhancing the clarity of the position, the writer could further elevate the quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main issues and solutions. The first body paragraph effectively discusses the problems caused by overcrowding, specifically environmental issues and food shortages. However, the transition between the two points could be smoother; the connection between environmental degradation and food shortages is implied but not explicitly stated, which may confuse readers. The second body paragraph outlines potential solutions, but the ideas could be better linked to the problems discussed in the previous paragraph.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect each point to the previous one. For example, when transitioning from environmental issues to food shortages, a sentence that links the two concepts could clarify how overcrowding exacerbates both problems. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The introduction sets the stage, the first body paragraph discusses issues, and the second body paragraph presents solutions. However, the second body paragraph could be divided into smaller paragraphs to improve readability, especially since it covers multiple solutions.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on government actions and another on community initiatives, such as encouraging green roofs. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each solution and improve the overall clarity of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Conversely," which help to signal shifts between ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For instance, while the essay employs some linking words, it relies heavily on basic connectors and could benefit from more sophisticated phrases that enhance cohesion.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," consider alternatives like "Additionally" or "Furthermore." Additionally, using phrases that indicate cause and effect, such as "As a result" or "Consequently," can help clarify relationships between ideas. This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents relevant ideas, but enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraphing, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "overpopulation," "environmental issues," "detrimental impact," and "incentivizing." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the lack of food" could be enhanced by using alternatives such as "food scarcity" or "food insecurity." Additionally, phrases like "pressing issues" and "urgent issues" are somewhat repetitive and could benefit from synonyms to enrich the text.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms while drafting. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternatives that fit the context better. Practicing with vocabulary exercises focused on synonyms and antonyms can also be beneficial.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "industrial reorganization" and "environmental legislation." However, there are moments of imprecision, such as "making many rivers, lakes, and roads filled with dust and litter," which could be more clearly articulated as "resulting in pollution of rivers, lakes, and roads." The phrase "not adequate workforce for farming activities" is also awkward; it would be more precise to say "insufficient workforce for agricultural activities."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. Reading more academic texts can help familiarize the writer with precise language. Additionally, revising sentences to eliminate ambiguity and ensure that the intended meaning is clear will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall impression. For instance, "without moving to cities" should begin with a capital "W," and "rubbish such as: plastic waste" incorrectly uses a colon. These minor errors can disrupt the flow of reading and suggest a lack of attention to detail.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally after a break to approach the text with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools in word processors can also help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their score in this criterion for future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "People should recognize that residents in rural areas migrate to modern cities to find jobs and new opportunities" showcases an ability to convey intricate ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "governments could take a plan for moving factories or industrial sectors to the countryside" could be restructured for clarity and impact.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use conditional clauses, and employ participial phrases. For example, instead of saying "governments could take a plan for moving factories," they might say, "By relocating factories to the countryside, governments could not only reduce urban pollution but also create local job opportunities." This not only varies the structure but also enhances clarity and engagement.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "the limited amount of food would not meet higher demand of urban citizens" should include "the" before "higher demand" to read correctly as "the higher demand." Additionally, punctuation errors such as the missing comma in "without moving to cities" can lead to confusion in reading. Furthermore, the use of "such as:" is incorrect; it should be "such as" without the colon.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to articles and prepositions, ensuring they are used correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on article usage and punctuation rules would be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for common errors before submission could help catch mistakes that may have been overlooked during writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is a prevailing trend for many individuals to migrate to cities in search of jobs, resulting in the overpopulation of these regions. Environmental issues and food scarcity are two significant negative consequences of this trend. This essay will discuss these causes and provide some effective solutions to address these problems.

On the one hand, environmental problems and the lack of food are pressing issues in many large cities with crowded populations. One significant perspective is that industrial and human activities have a detrimental impact on our environment. In other words, emissions and exhaust gases from factories, businesses, private vehicles, and even the irresponsible disposal of waste contribute to the pollution of many rivers, lakes, and roads with dust and litter. Moreover, overconsumption resulting from the growing population leads to food shortages in metropolises. It is important to recognize that residents in rural areas migrate to modern cities to find jobs and new opportunities, which means that there is an inadequate workforce for farming activities that produce staples such as wheat, rice, and corn. As a result, the limited amount of food cannot meet the increased demand among urban residents.

Conversely, governments and local authorities could take several actions to resolve these urgent issues, such as industrial reorganization, enacting environmental legislation, and promoting green roofs and balconies. First of all, governments could develop a plan to relocate factories or industrial sectors to the countryside. More specifically, this practice would offer numerous employment prospects for locals, enabling them to commute to work in their hometowns without relocating to cities. Furthermore, authorities might introduce environmental regulations that require businesses and households to separate their waste into different categories, such as plastic waste and recyclable materials. If they do not adhere to these rules, they could face penalties ranging from fines to imprisonment for repeated offenders. Finally, local councils ought to encourage citizens to install green roofs or balconies by planting seasonal vegetables, allowing them to provide fresh produce like carrots and cabbages for their families without over-relying on external sources.

In conclusion, the trend of urban migration could lead to many ongoing problems related to the environment and food supply. Therefore, it is imperative for governments to offer innovative measures to address these issues.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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