The population of some cities is growing rapidly. What are the effects on people living in these cities? What solutions can you propose to maintain a good quality of life in urban areas?

Many issues nowadays are attributed to the rising population in urban areas. This essay ill present several problems before suggesting solutions to this phenomenon.
Population growth leads to some problems in cities. First, there is an increasing shortage of housing since the demand for accomodation exceeds the capacity of the city, which corresponds with a growing number of homeless people. Moreover, the lack of houses as well as the high housing demand also result in a higher costs of housing and thus lower living standards in the cities. For example, the living costs in metropolitians like New York or Beijing may be only appropriate for the righ, while those in the lower income bracket have to reduce their expenditure on personal interests to pay monthly bills. Secondly, a high population is the cause of worsened climate change. The more citizens in big cities, the more waste and vehicles used in daily life for living and commuting. Therefore, the increased amount of gas emissions contriute to global warming and air pollution, leading to dwellers' related health issues like respiratory issues.
Nevertheless, there are some measures that can be taken to cope with rapid population growth. First, the urbanization process should be encouraged in countrysides and mountainous areas to provide residential areas for citizens. This can reduce the density in the metropolitians as more people will choose to move to the outskirts. Not only that, the government can impose birth control policies that restrict and limit the number of babies that each families could have. Therefore, the situation may gradually improve in the future due to lower birth rate.
In conclusion, higher population in big cities is the culprit behind housing shortage and climate change. However, they can be tackled by boosting the urbanization process and introducing a law for lower birth rate.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many issues nowadays" -> "Numerous contemporary issues"
Explanation: "Numerous contemporary issues" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the essay by avoiding the colloquial "nowadays."
"This essay ill present" -> "This essay will present"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "ill" to "will" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"some problems" -> "several challenges"
Explanation: "Several challenges" is more specific and formal than "some problems," which is vague and less precise.
"accomodation" -> "accommodation"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "accomodation" to "accommodation" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"corresponds with a growing number of homeless people" -> "correlates with an increasing number of homeless individuals"
Explanation: "Correlates" is more precise than "corresponds" in this context, and "individuals" is more formal than "people."
"a higher costs of housing" -> "higher housing costs"
Explanation: "Higher housing costs" is grammatically correct and more direct, improving the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"the living costs in metropolitians" -> "living costs in metropolitan cities"
Explanation: "Metropolitians" is not a standard term; "metropolitan cities" is the correct phrase.
"the righ" -> "the right"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "righ" to "right" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"the lower income bracket have to reduce their expenditure on personal interests" -> "those in the lower income bracket must reduce their discretionary spending"
Explanation: "Must reduce their discretionary spending" is more precise and formal than "have to reduce their expenditure on personal interests."
"a high population is the cause of worsened climate change" -> "a high population contributes to worsened climate change"
Explanation: "Contributes to" is more accurate and formal than "is the cause of," which can imply causality that is not universally accepted in scientific contexts.
"The more citizens in big cities, the more waste and vehicles used in daily life for living and commuting" -> "As the population in urban areas increases, so does the waste and vehicle usage for daily living and commuting"
Explanation: This rephrased version is more formal and avoids the informal structure of the original sentence.
"contriute" -> "contribute"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "contriute" to "contribute" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"dwellers’ related health issues like respiratory issues" -> "respiratory issues affecting dwellers"
Explanation: "Respiratory issues affecting dwellers" is more concise and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"the government can impose birth control policies that restrict and limit the number of babies that each families could have" -> "the government can implement birth control policies that restrict and limit the number of children per family"
Explanation: "Implement" is more precise than "impose," and "children per family" is more formal and clear than "babies that each families could have."
"the situation may gradually improve in the future due to lower birth rate" -> "the situation may gradually improve in the future as a result of a lower birth rate"
Explanation: "As a result of a lower birth rate" provides a clearer causal connection, enhancing the formal tone and precision of the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt adequately. It identifies the effects of population growth in urban areas, such as housing shortages and climate change, and proposes solutions like encouraging urbanization in rural areas and implementing birth control policies. However, the discussion of effects could be more comprehensive, as it primarily focuses on housing and climate change, neglecting other potential impacts such as increased traffic congestion, strain on public services, and social issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explore a wider range of effects on urban living, including social and infrastructural challenges. Adding examples or statistics to support these points would also strengthen the argument and provide a more rounded view of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that population growth in cities leads to significant problems, and it suggests solutions. However, the transition between discussing problems and solutions could be smoother. The phrase "Nevertheless, there are some measures that can be taken" is somewhat abrupt and could be better integrated into the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use more cohesive devices to link ideas and sections. For instance, summarizing the problems before transitioning to solutions would help reinforce the connection between the issues and the proposed measures.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the problems caused by population growth and offers solutions. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions the high costs of housing, it lacks specific data or examples that could illustrate the severity of the issue. The solutions proposed, particularly birth control policies, are introduced but not elaborated upon, which weakens their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing how urbanization in rural areas has worked in other countries could provide a stronger foundation for the proposed solution. Additionally, including statistics or studies related to housing costs and population density could enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of population growth and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the mention of "the righ" (likely a typo for "rich") could distract from the main argument and should be clarified to maintain focus.
- How to improve: To ensure the essay remains on topic, the writer should carefully proofread for typos and unclear phrases that might confuse the reader. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, but it could benefit from more depth, clarity, and supporting evidence to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing problems, and a conclusion. The problems related to population growth are discussed first, followed by proposed solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing housing issues to climate change feels abrupt. The reader may benefit from a clearer connection between these two points, perhaps by emphasizing how both stem from population density.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing housing shortages, you could introduce climate change with a phrase like, "In addition to housing shortages, another significant issue arising from population growth is…" This would help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second body paragraph, which discusses solutions, could be further divided into two distinct paragraphs: one for urbanization and another for birth control policies. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each solution.
- How to improve: Implementing a clear paragraph structure can enhance readability. Start a new paragraph for each major point or solution. For instance, after discussing urbanization, you could begin a new paragraph to elaborate on the implications and effectiveness of birth control policies. This separation allows for a more detailed analysis and clearer presentation of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "moreover," and "nevertheless," which help to signal the progression of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the righ" instead of "the rich," which detracts from cohesion. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "first" and "moreover," you could use "initially," "in addition," or "furthermore." Also, ensure that all terms are spelled correctly to maintain professionalism and coherence. Incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices will improve the overall fluidity of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, enhancing its clarity and effectiveness in communicating ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "urban areas," "housing shortage," "climate change," and "birth control policies." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "higher costs of housing" could be enhanced by using synonyms such as "escalating housing expenses" or "increased housing prices." Additionally, the use of "dwellers" is somewhat limited and could be replaced with more varied terms like "residents" or "inhabitants" to demonstrate a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. Reading a variety of texts, such as articles or essays, can help identify alternative expressions. Practicing with vocabulary lists related to urban issues may also aid in diversifying language use.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "the living costs in metropolitians like New York or Beijing may be only appropriate for the righ" contains a typographical error ("righ" should be "rich"). Furthermore, the phrase "the situation may gradually improve in the future due to lower birth rate" could be clearer if rephrased to "the situation may gradually improve in the future due to a lower birth rate," which specifies that it is the birth rate that is lower, not the situation itself.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure clarity. Additionally, using contextually appropriate phrases and ensuring that articles (a, an, the) are correctly applied can enhance the precision of vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "accomodation" (should be "accommodation"), "metropolitians" (should be "metropolitans"), "contritute" (should be "contribute"), and "families" (should be "families"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, possibly by maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words. Utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can also help identify errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can assist in catching mistakes that may be overlooked during silent reading.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging in targeted vocabulary exercises, careful proofreading, and consistent spelling practice will contribute to overall enhancement in these areas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "the lack of houses as well as the high housing demand also result in a higher costs of housing and thus lower living standards in the cities." However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "Population growth leads to some problems in cities" is quite straightforward and could benefit from more sophisticated phrasing or structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses, participial phrases, or conditional statements. For instance, instead of saying "Population growth leads to some problems in cities," you could say, "As the population grows, cities face a multitude of challenges that require urgent attention." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can also add variety and depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "accomodation" is misspelled and should be "accommodation." In the phrase "the increased amount of gas emissions contriute to global warming," "contriute" is a typographical error for "contribute." Additionally, the phrase "the righ" should be corrected to "the rich." There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully for spelling mistakes and typographical errors. Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For instance, using commas to separate clauses can help in avoiding run-on sentences. A good practice is to read the essay out loud to identify awkward phrasing or grammatical errors. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with common grammatical structures and their correct usage will aid in reducing errors in future essays.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many contemporary issues are attributed to the rising population in urban areas. This essay will present several challenges before suggesting solutions to this phenomenon.

Population growth leads to numerous problems in cities. First, there is an increasing shortage of accommodation since the demand for housing exceeds the capacity of the city, which correlates with an increasing number of homeless individuals. Moreover, the lack of houses, along with the high demand for housing, also results in higher housing costs and thus lower living standards in these urban areas. For example, the living costs in metropolitan cities like New York or Beijing may only be appropriate for the wealthy, while those in the lower income bracket must reduce their discretionary spending to pay monthly bills. Secondly, a high population contributes to worsened climate change. As the population in urban areas increases, so does the waste and vehicle usage for daily living and commuting. Therefore, the increased amount of gas emissions contributes to global warming and air pollution, leading to health issues affecting dwellers, such as respiratory problems.

Nevertheless, there are several measures that can be taken to cope with rapid population growth. First, the urbanization process should be encouraged in rural and mountainous areas to provide residential options for citizens. This can reduce the density in metropolitan areas as more people choose to move to the outskirts. Additionally, the government can implement birth control policies that restrict and limit the number of children per family. Consequently, the situation may gradually improve in the future as a result of a lower birth rate.

In conclusion, the rising population in large cities is the culprit behind housing shortages and climate change. However, these issues can be addressed by promoting urbanization in less populated areas and introducing policies to manage birth rates.