The population of some counties is growing rapidly. What are the effects on people? What can be done to maintain the quality of life for people living here.
The population of some counties is growing rapidly. What are the effects on people? What can be done to maintain the quality of life for people living here.
It is true that there is an increase in population density in many nations around the world. In this essay, I will discuss the disadvantages of this phenomenon and practical measures that need to be adopted to address this issue.
The rise in population exerts significant pressure on the infrastructure and public services of a country. When the number of inhabitants increases, housing prices tend to rise correspondingly due to the high demand for accommodation. Thus, this may readily lead to various housing problems such as housing shortages, which negatively affect the living conditions of residents. In addition, the increase in hospital patient numbers and school enrollment is likely to reduce service quality. For instance, healthcare systems and educational institutions become overburdened when the population expands faster than their facilities can accommodate. Therefore, these issues may easily lead to a reduction in the quality of life for everyone.
To tackle such problems, the government should implement a range of policies. Firstly, the state should make a sustainable investment in urban planning. As the city places greater emphasis on the construction of high-density housing or the reduction of housing prices, citizens may acquire their own housing. Hence, this contributes greatly to an increase in living standards. Secondly, expanding access to quality education and healthcare facilities is crucial. This measure could yield benefits for those who are struggling with inadequate infrastructure. As a result, government policies could alleviate the shortages in essential fields and contribute to the improvement of the quality of life.
In conclusion, it is evident that many countries are facing dramatic growth in their population. This is the consequence of various issues in housing and facilities. To immediately resolve such problems, the government plays a crucial role in implementing policies that expand access to essential sectors and invest in urban planning.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"It is true that" -> "It is indeed the case that"
Explanation: "It is indeed the case that" introduces a more formal and assertive tone, which is more suitable for academic writing than the more conversational "It is true that." -
"practical measures that need to be adopted" -> "practical measures that must be implemented"
Explanation: "Must be implemented" is more direct and assertive than "need to be adopted," aligning better with the formal tone of academic writing. -
"The rise in population exerts significant pressure" -> "The increase in population exerts considerable pressure"
Explanation: "Considerable" is a more precise adjective than "significant," which is somewhat vague and overused in academic contexts. -
"housing prices tend to rise correspondingly" -> "housing prices tend to increase proportionally"
Explanation: "Increase proportionally" is a more precise and technical term than "rise correspondingly," which is somewhat informal and less specific. -
"readily lead" -> "readily leads"
Explanation: "Readily leads" should be "readily leads" to maintain subject-verb agreement in the singular context of "housing problems." -
"negatively affect the living conditions" -> "adversely impact the living conditions"
Explanation: "Adversely impact" is a more formal and precise phrase than "negatively affect," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"become overburdened" -> "become overwhelmed"
Explanation: "Overwhelmed" is a more precise term in this context, indicating a complete saturation of capacity, which is more suitable for describing the impact of population growth on services. -
"easily lead" -> "may readily lead"
Explanation: "May readily lead" is more cautious and formal, fitting the academic style better than the more definitive "easily lead." -
"the state should make a sustainable investment" -> "the government should invest sustainably"
Explanation: "Invest sustainably" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of long-term, responsible investment, which is preferred in academic writing. -
"city places greater emphasis" -> "cities place greater emphasis"
Explanation: "Cities" should be plural to match the generalization implied by "the city," and "place greater emphasis" is grammatically correct. -
"expanding access to quality education and healthcare facilities" -> "enhancing access to quality educational and healthcare facilities"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is a more precise verb than "expanding" in this context, as it specifically refers to improving the quality of access, which is more relevant to the discussion of infrastructure development. -
"government policies could alleviate the shortages" -> "government policies could mitigate the shortages"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more precise term than "alleviate" in this context, as it specifically refers to reducing the severity of a problem, which is more appropriate for discussing the impact of policy on infrastructure shortages.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the effects of rapid population growth, focusing on housing shortages and the strain on healthcare and education systems. The second part of the question, which asks what can be done to maintain quality of life, is also addressed through proposed government policies on urban planning and improving access to education and healthcare. The essay provides a clear connection between the problems identified and the solutions suggested.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit mention of the broader social effects of population growth, such as increased traffic congestion or environmental degradation. Including specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive view of the effects.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that population growth leads to significant challenges that require government intervention. The stance is consistent, as the writer repeatedly emphasizes the need for policy measures to address the identified issues. The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument, reinforcing the main points.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives. Acknowledging that some may argue population growth can lead to economic opportunities could provide a more balanced view and enhance the depth of the analysis.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, with clear explanations of the problems caused by population growth and the proposed solutions. The use of specific examples, such as the impact on housing prices and service quality, helps to substantiate the claims made. The logical flow of ideas contributes to the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, the essay could integrate more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate the proposed solutions in action. For instance, referencing successful urban planning initiatives from specific cities could provide concrete evidence of how these measures can improve quality of life.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the effects of population growth and the measures needed to address these effects. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and all points made are relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, it could enhance its relevance by briefly addressing potential long-term consequences of inaction regarding population growth. This would not only reinforce the urgency of the proposed solutions but also provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates its ideas. By incorporating more specific examples, considering counterarguments, and addressing long-term implications, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication and depth.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed, followed by body paragraphs that systematically address the effects of population growth and the measures to mitigate these effects. The progression from identifying issues related to population growth to proposing solutions is coherent and easy to follow. For example, the transition from discussing housing problems to the strain on healthcare and education services is smooth and maintains a clear focus on the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between sections. For instance, adding phrases such as "In addition to housing issues, another significant effect is…" could further clarify the relationship between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear distinction between the discussion of problems and proposed solutions. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. The first body paragraph focuses on the negative impacts of population growth, while the second addresses potential solutions, which helps maintain clarity and focus.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could enhance the introduction and conclusion by ensuring they are more explicitly connected to the body paragraphs. For example, reiterating the main points in the conclusion could reinforce the essay’s structure and provide a stronger sense of closure.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "thus," "in addition," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal relationships between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The use of "firstly" and "secondly" to introduce points in the second body paragraph is particularly effective in indicating the structure of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied transitions and connectors. For example, using phrases like "Moreover," "Consequently," or "On the other hand" could add depth to the writing and enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures and lengths can also improve the flow and engagement of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "population density," "infrastructure," "housing prices," and "urban planning." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety; for instance, the repeated use of "increase" and "housing" could be diversified with synonyms like "growth," "rise," "accommodation," or "residential options." The phrases "significant pressure" and "overburdened" are effective, yet the overall lexical variety could be expanded.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "increase," they could use "surge," "escalation," or "uptick." Additionally, incorporating more academic or topic-specific vocabulary related to urban studies, economics, or sociology could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "housing problems such as housing shortages" could be more effectively articulated by specifying "issues such as a lack of affordable housing." The term "government policies" is somewhat vague; specifying the types of policies (e.g., "zoning regulations" or "subsidies for low-income housing") would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using specific terms that convey exact meanings. They could practice by identifying key concepts in their arguments and ensuring that the vocabulary used accurately reflects those concepts. For instance, instead of saying "the state should make a sustainable investment," they could specify "the government should prioritize sustainable urban development initiatives."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few minor spelling errors, such as "accommodation" (misspelled as "accomodation") and "facilities" (which is spelled correctly but could be confused with "facility" in context). Overall, spelling is generally accurate, but attention to detail is necessary to avoid these small mistakes.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing out vocabulary lists and using spelling apps or tools. Proofreading the essay multiple times, or using spell-check tools, can help catch errors before submission. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a fair range of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the overall quality and clarity of the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "When the number of inhabitants increases, housing prices tend to rise correspondingly due to the high demand for accommodation." This structure effectively conveys cause and effect. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, enhancing readability. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the state should make a sustainable investment in urban planning" could be rephrased using a different structure to avoid repetition of the "should + verb" format.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, such as participial phrases or conditional clauses. For example, instead of repeating "the government should," you could use "By investing in urban planning, the government can…" This not only enhances variety but also adds sophistication to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the use of articles is correct, as seen in "the increase in hospital patient numbers," and subject-verb agreement is consistently maintained. Punctuation is also largely accurate, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses, such as in "Thus, this may readily lead to various housing problems." However, there are minor issues, such as the lack of a comma before "which negatively affect the living conditions of residents," which could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to the use of commas, especially in complex sentences. A good practice is to read sentences aloud to determine if natural pauses occur, indicating where commas may be needed. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help in minimizing errors. For example, ensure that non-defining relative clauses are correctly punctuated with commas to clarify meaning.
In summary, while the essay achieves a high band score due to its effective use of varied sentence structures and strong grammatical accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and punctuation precision. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the writing quality even further.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is indeed the case that there is an increase in population density in many nations around the world. In this essay, I will discuss the disadvantages of this phenomenon and the practical measures that must be implemented to address this issue.
The rise in population exerts considerable pressure on the infrastructure and public services of a country. When the number of inhabitants increases, housing prices tend to increase proportionally due to the high demand for accommodation. Thus, this may readily lead to various housing problems such as shortages, which adversely impact the living conditions of residents. In addition, the increase in hospital patient numbers and school enrollment is likely to reduce service quality. For instance, healthcare systems and educational institutions may become overwhelmed when the population expands faster than their facilities can accommodate. Therefore, these issues may readily lead to a reduction in the quality of life for everyone.
To tackle such problems, the government should implement a range of policies. Firstly, the state should invest sustainably in urban planning. As cities place greater emphasis on the construction of high-density housing or the reduction of housing prices, citizens may acquire their own homes. Hence, this contributes greatly to an increase in living standards. Secondly, enhancing access to quality educational and healthcare facilities is crucial. This measure could yield benefits for those who are struggling with inadequate infrastructure. As a result, government policies could mitigate the shortages in essential fields and contribute to the improvement of the quality of life.
In conclusion, it is evident that many countries are facing dramatic growth in their population. This is the consequence of various issues in housing and facilities. To effectively resolve such problems, the government plays a crucial role in implementing policies that expand access to essential sectors and invest in urban planning.