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The production and consumption of goods have seen a rapid increase the past decades. What are the effects of this on our environment? What can be done to solve this problem?

The production and consumption of goods have seen a rapid increase the past decades.
What are the effects of this on our environment?
What can be done to solve this problem?

The past years have seen exponential growth in the production and consumption of food. However, this trend has brought severe consequences for our environment. This essay will highlight the issues caused by over production and consumption and suggest viable measures to combat these problems.

A direct consequence of heightened production and consumption is vast amounts of waste, leading to soil and water pollution. Lands and oceans have become dumping grounds since households and factories keep discharging toxic and non-biodegradable to the surrounding area. As soil and water resources are contaminated, toxins can be indirectly passed on to humans through crops and animals, which results in many diseases and health problems. Moreover, the surge in production and consumption contributes to the depletion of natural resources. The demand for goods leads industries to overexploit non-renewable resources such as minerals and freshwater, causing an alarming resource scarcity. Consequently, society could have to face conflicts over access to resources.

There are several actions that can be taken to minimize the impact of these problems. Firstly, individuals should make environmentally conscious decisions by reducing consumption in order to ease our carbon footprint and burden on the environment. For example, instead of buying numerous trendy clothes and throwing them away as soon as they go out of style, people should buy a few basic items that can be worn in various situations and for an extended period of time. In addition, the government is expected to enact anti-pollution policies and strict regulations for businesses to incentivize companies to adopt a sustainable business model and encourage the use of green energy. For instance, Tesla, a US car manufacturing company, is exempt from environmental taxes thanks to its production of electric cars. Some countries, including China and the US, also provide tax breaks to people purchasing electric vehicles.

In conclusion, over production and consumption incurs a range of problems, including soil and water pollution and depletion of natural resources. However, these can be reversed by the feasible solution mentioned above, namely making environmentally conscious decisions, and enacting anti-pollution policies and strict regulations. By tackling these issues collaboratively, the economy can develop without harming the environment.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "The past years have seen exponential growth in the production and consumption of food."
    -> "In recent years, there has been exponential growth in the production and consumption of food."
    Explanation: The phrase "the past years" is somewhat vague and lacks specificity. The revision introduces a more precise temporal reference with "In recent years."

  2. "However, this trend has brought severe consequences for our environment."
    -> "Nevertheless, this trend has resulted in severe consequences for the environment."
    Explanation: The use of "however" is appropriate for contrasting ideas, but "nevertheless" is a slightly more formal alternative. Also, replacing "our environment" with "the environment" maintains a more objective tone.

  3. "This essay will highlight the issues caused by overproduction and consumption and suggest viable measures to combat these problems."
    -> "This essay will elucidate the issues stemming from overproduction and consumption and propose viable measures to address these challenges."
    Explanation: Replacing "highlight" with "elucidate" and "combat" with "address" contributes to a more formal tone, aligning with academic writing standards.

  4. "A direct consequence of heightened production and consumption is vast amounts of waste, leading to soil and water pollution."
    -> "A direct consequence of increased production and consumption is the generation of vast amounts of waste, resulting in soil and water pollution."
    Explanation: The term "heightened" is replaced with "increased" for a more formal and precise expression. "Generation of waste" is used to enhance clarity and formality.

  5. "Lands and oceans have become dumping grounds since households and factories keep discharging toxic and non-biodegradable to the surrounding area."
    -> "Land and marine environments have become dumping grounds as households and factories continuously discharge toxic and non-biodegradable substances into the surrounding areas."
    Explanation: The term "lands" is singularized to "land," and "since" is replaced with "as" for improved clarity. Additionally, "to the surrounding area" is refined to "into the surrounding areas" for accuracy.

  6. "As soil and water resources are contaminated, toxins can be indirectly passed on to humans through crops and animals, which results in many diseases and health problems."
    -> "With the contamination of soil and water resources, toxins can be indirectly transmitted to humans through crops and animals, resulting in numerous diseases and health problems."
    Explanation: The revision enhances the flow and formality by restructuring the sentence and using more precise language.

  7. "Moreover, the surge in production and consumption contributes to the depletion of natural resources."
    -> "Furthermore, the surge in production and consumption leads to the depletion of natural resources."
    Explanation: "Moreover" is replaced with "Furthermore" for variety, and "contributes to" is changed to "leads to" for a more direct and formal expression.

  8. "The demand for goods leads industries to overexploit non-renewable resources such as minerals and freshwater, causing an alarming resource scarcity."
    -> "The demand for goods compels industries to overexploit non-renewable resources such as minerals and freshwater, resulting in alarming resource scarcity."
    Explanation: "Leads" is replaced with "compels" for a stronger and more formal expression. The term "causing" is substituted with "resulting in" for clarity and precision.

  9. "There are several actions that can be taken to minimize the impact of these problems."
    -> "Several measures can be implemented to mitigate the impact of these problems."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for conciseness and formality, replacing "actions" with "measures" for specificity.

  10. "Firstly, individuals should make environmentally conscious decisions by reducing consumption in order to ease our carbon footprint and burden on the environment."
    -> "Firstly, individuals should make environmentally conscious decisions by reducing consumption to alleviate their carbon footprint and reduce the burden on the environment."
    Explanation: "In order to" is replaced with "to" for conciseness. "Ease" is changed to "alleviate," and "our" is replaced with "their" to maintain a consistent and formal tone.

  11. "For example, instead of buying numerous trendy clothes and throwing them away as soon as they go out of style, people should buy a few basic items that can be worn in various situations and for an extended period of time."
    -> "For instance, rather than purchasing numerous trendy clothes and discarding them as soon as they go out of style, individuals should opt for a few basic items that can be worn in various situations and for an extended period."
    Explanation: "For example" is replaced with "For instance" for variety. The sentence is refined for clarity and formality, and "people" is changed to "individuals" for a more academic tone.

  12. "In addition, the government is expected to enact anti-pollution policies and strict regulations for businesses to incentivize companies to adopt a sustainable business model and encourage the use of green energy."
    -> "Additionally, it is anticipated that the government will enact anti-pollution policies and stringent regulations for businesses to incentivize the adoption of sustainable business models and promote the use of green energy."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for a more formal and concise expression. "In addition" is replaced with "Additionally" for variety.

  13. "Some countries, including China and the US, also provide tax breaks to people purchasing electric vehicles."
    -> "Certain countries, including China and the United States, also offer tax incentives to individuals purchasing electric vehicles."
    Explanation: "Some countries" is replaced with "Certain countries" for a more formal expression. "Tax breaks" is changed to "tax incentives" for precision and formality.

  14. "In conclusion, overproduction and consumption incurs a range of problems, including soil and water pollution and depletion of natural resources."
    -> "In conclusion, overproduction and consumption give rise to a range of problems, including soil and water pollution and the depletion of natural resources."
    Explanation: "Incurs" is replaced with "give rise to" for a more formal and precise expression.

  15. "By tackling these issues collaboratively, the economy can develop without harming the environment."
    -> "By collaboratively addressing these issues, the economy can progress without causing harm to the environment."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality. "Tackling" is replaced with "addressing" for a more precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses the environmental effects of increased production and consumption, and proposes solutions to mitigate these issues. For instance, it touches upon soil and water pollution, resource depletion, and presents viable measures such as individual responsibility and government regulations.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in this area.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It asserts that overproduction and consumption have negative environmental consequences, and consistently advocates for environmentally conscious decisions and government regulations as solutions.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in this area.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. Examples of the consequences of overproduction and consumption are provided, such as soil and water pollution and resource depletion. Additionally, specific measures, like reducing consumption and implementing anti-pollution policies, are well-elaborated and supported.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in this area.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the given topic throughout. It consistently discusses the environmental effects of increased production and consumption and stays aligned with the prompt.
    • How to improve: No improvement needed in this area.

In summary, the essay earns a Band Score of 8 for Task Response. It effectively addresses all elements of the prompt, maintains a clear position, presents and supports ideas coherently, and stays on topic. To continue improving, the author may consider refining language use and ensuring a smooth flow between paragraphs.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It starts with a clear introduction outlining the topic, followed by well-structured body paragraphs discussing the consequences of increased production and consumption and proposed solutions. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the organization within paragraphs. For instance, the first body paragraph could introduce the specific consequences of overproduction before discussing pollution and resource depletion.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider organizing information within paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. In the first body paragraph, introduce the consequences of overproduction before delving into pollution and resource depletion.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, each focusing on a specific aspect of the prompt. However, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. The essay could benefit from a more explicit connection or a transitional sentence to guide the reader from the consequences of overproduction to proposed solutions.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression of ideas. Consider adding a sentence at the end of the first body paragraph to smoothly transition into the discussion of solutions in the second paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. For example, phrases like "Moreover" and "In addition" contribute to the coherence of ideas. However, there is a slight overreliance on the repetition of the phrase "production and consumption," which could be diversified for better cohesion.
    • How to improve: While maintaining coherence, diversify the language by using synonyms or alternative expressions for "production and consumption." This will enhance the overall quality of writing and make the essay more engaging for the reader.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. To further improve, focus on refining the organization within paragraphs and diversifying language use while maintaining a logical progression of ideas. This will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing diverse terminology to discuss the environmental impacts of production and consumption. Examples include "exponential growth," "depletion," "overexploit," "sustainable business model," "incentivize," and "collaboratively." These words effectively convey nuanced ideas, showcasing a strong lexical repertoire.
    • How to improve: While the essay displays a solid vocabulary range, incorporating more advanced or specialized terminology related to environmental science, economics, or sustainability could elevate the lexical richness. Introducing terms like "circular economy," "carbon neutrality," or "biodiversity conservation" could enhance depth and precision.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, presenting clear ideas. For instance, phrases like "vast amounts of waste," "non-biodegradable," and "carbon footprint" convey precise meanings. However, there are instances where certain phrases could be more specific. For example, elaborating on "environmentally conscious decisions" or providing concrete examples of "anti-pollution policies" would strengthen precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider substituting general terms with more specific ones where applicable. For instance, instead of "environmentally conscious decisions," specify actions such as "adopting a minimalist lifestyle" or "supporting eco-friendly practices." Similarly, detailing the components or aspects of "anti-pollution policies" would add clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy throughout its content. There are no apparent spelling errors, indicating a strong command of spelling conventions.
    • How to improve: Given the accuracy observed, maintaining this level of spelling proficiency involves continued vigilance and proofreading. Employing tools like spell checkers or seeking feedback from others can further ensure error-free written work.

Overall, the essay showcases a commendable command of vocabulary with minor opportunities for improvement in specificity and depth. The spelling accuracy is excellent, contributing to the overall strength of the essay’s lexical resource. Efforts to incorporate more specialized terminology and refine the precision of certain expressions could elevate the lexical sophistication further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences, compound sentences, and straightforward ones. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "As soil and water resources are contaminated, toxins can be indirectly passed on to humans through crops and animals." However, some sentences could benefit from more intricate structures to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the lengths of your sentences. This will contribute to a smoother flow and showcase a broader command of language.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Instances of subject-verb agreement, verb tense, and pronoun usage are appropriately handled. However, there are a few instances where minor grammatical errors, such as missing articles or prepositions, occur. For instance, "severe consequences for our environment" could be improved to "severe consequences for the environment."
    • How to improve: Conduct a thorough proofread to catch and rectify minor grammatical errors. Pay close attention to articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreement. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools for additional assurance.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The punctuation in the essay is generally correct, with proper usage of commas, periods, and colons. However, there are a few instances where the use of punctuation could be refined for better clarity. For example, in the sentence "In addition, the government is expected to enact anti-pollution policies and strict regulations for businesses to incentivize companies to adopt a sustainable business model and encourage the use of green energy," a semicolon or period could be used to separate distinct ideas more effectively.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to punctuation rules, particularly when combining complex ideas within a sentence. Experiment with semicolons and colons to enhance clarity. Consider reading your essay aloud to identify areas where punctuation adjustments could improve the overall rhythm and comprehension.

Bài sửa mẫu

The recent years have witnessed a substantial surge in the production and consumption of food. Nevertheless, this upward trend has resulted in significant repercussions for our environment. This essay aims to shed light on the issues arising from overproduction and consumption and propose practical measures to address these challenges.

A direct consequence of heightened production and consumption is the generation of substantial amounts of waste, leading to soil and water pollution. Lands and oceans have become dumping grounds as households and factories persistently discharge toxic and non-biodegradable substances into the surrounding areas. As a result of the contamination of soil and water resources, toxins can be indirectly transmitted to humans through crops and animals, giving rise to numerous diseases and health problems. Moreover, the surge in production and consumption contributes to the depletion of natural resources. The demand for goods compels industries to overexploit non-renewable resources such as minerals and freshwater, resulting in alarming resource scarcity.

There are several measures that can be implemented to mitigate the impact of these problems. Firstly, individuals should make environmentally conscious decisions by reducing consumption to alleviate their carbon footprint and lessen the burden on the environment. For instance, instead of purchasing numerous trendy clothes and discarding them as soon as they go out of style, individuals should opt for a few basic items that can be worn in various situations and for an extended period. Additionally, it is anticipated that the government will enact anti-pollution policies and stringent regulations for businesses to incentivize the adoption of sustainable business models and promote the use of green energy. Certain countries, including China and the United States, also offer tax incentives to individuals purchasing electric vehicles.

In conclusion, overproduction and consumption give rise to a range of problems, including soil and water pollution and the depletion of natural resources. However, by collaboratively addressing these issues through making environmentally conscious decisions and implementing policies and regulations, the economy can progress without causing harm to the environment.

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