The production levels of main fuels in a European country from 1981 to 2000

The line graph compares how much level of main fuels were produced in a European country between 1981 and 2000
Overall, there was an increase in the production of petroleum and natural gas , the opposite was true for the production of coal . The figure for petroleum consistently had the highest over the period
About 130 tonnes was used for petroleum by European country from 1981 to1983, with remain unchanged in the 4 years.A slight decline from 130 tonnes to 90 tonnes from 1987 to 1991,and a final rise from just over 90 tonnes in 1991 to about 120 tonnes in 2000.The figure for natural gas fluctuated in the range of from 40 to 50 tonnes over the 16 years and increase to about 85 tonnes in the final year of the period.
The production of coal remain unchanged at about 80 tonnes from 1981 to 1984 , after which it witnessed a considerable decrease by 30 tonnes in 1985. There was a dramatic rise from about 50 to 70 tonnes between 1985 and 1987and a final significant drop from about 70 tonnes to just over 40 tonnes from 1987 to 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph compares how much level of main fuels were produced" -> "The line graph illustrates the production levels of primary fuels"
Explanation: The original phrase "how much level of main fuels were produced" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure, enhancing the formal tone of the academic text.
"there was an increase in the production of petroleum and natural gas, the opposite was true for the production of coal" -> "while the production of petroleum and natural gas increased, the production of coal decreased"
Explanation: The original phrase is a bit informal and awkwardly structured. The revised version is more direct and maintains a formal tone by using a parallel structure and precise verb forms.
"the figure for petroleum consistently had the highest over the period" -> "the petroleum production consistently remained the highest throughout the period"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammatical structure, making it more precise and formal.
"About 130 tonnes was used for petroleum by European country from 1981 to1983, with remain unchanged in the 4 years." -> "Approximately 130 tonnes of petroleum was used by the European country from 1981 to 1983, with no change over the four-year period."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The revision corrects the grammatical errors and adds clarity, improving the formal tone and readability.
"a final rise from just over 90 tonnes in 1991 to about 120 tonnes in 2000" -> "a final increase from approximately 90 tonnes in 1991 to around 120 tonnes in 2000"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and lacks precision. The suggested revision uses more precise language and maintains a formal tone suitable for academic writing.
"The production of coal remain unchanged" -> "Coal production remained unchanged"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the verb agreement and simplifies the structure, enhancing clarity and formality.
"witnessed a considerable decrease by 30 tonnes in 1985" -> "experienced a significant decrease of 30 tonnes in 1985"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise language, improving the formal tone of the text.
"a dramatic rise from about 50 to 70 tonnes" -> "a significant increase from approximately 50 to 70 tonnes"
Explanation: The term "dramatic" is somewhat informal and emotive for academic writing. The suggested revision uses "significant," which is more appropriate for formal academic discourse.
"a final significant drop from about 70 tonnes to just over 40 tonnes" -> "a final substantial decrease from approximately 70 tonnes to just over 40 tonnes"
Explanation: The original phrase uses "drop," which is less formal and slightly vague. The revision replaces "drop" with "decrease" and "substantial" for a more precise and formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the production of petroleum and natural gas increased over the period, while the production of coal decreased. The essay could also highlight the key features of the data, such as the fact that petroleum production was consistently the highest over the period. The essay should also avoid focusing on details and instead focus on the overall trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe trends in fuel production, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between the data presented. Additionally, the paragraphing is not well-structured; for instance, the discussion of petroleum, natural gas, and coal could be more logically separated into distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of information. This can be done by clearly separating different fuel types into distinct paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices should be varied and applied more effectively to connect ideas smoothly. The writer should also ensure that all data points are referenced accurately to avoid confusion and repetition.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe trends in fuel production, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking variety. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling, such as "remain" instead of "remained" and "witnessed a considerable decrease by 30 tonnes" which could be more clearly expressed. These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the information presented.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items related to the topic. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and ensuring correct word forms will help in conveying precise meanings. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can also make the writing more engaging and clearer.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, phrases like "the opposite was true for the production of coal" and "the figure for natural gas fluctuated in the range of from 40 to 50 tonnes" show some complexity but contain grammatical inaccuracies. Additionally, there are frequent errors in punctuation and sentence structure, such as missing articles and incorrect verb forms (e.g., "remain unchanged" should be "remained unchanged"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the information presented.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice constructing more complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct. This includes using appropriate conjunctions and relative clauses.
Punctuation: Review punctuation rules, especially for commas and periods, to improve clarity and flow.
Verb Tenses: Ensure consistent and correct use of verb tenses throughout the essay. For example, using past tense consistently when describing historical data.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct errors before submission. This can help in reducing the frequency of mistakes and improving overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph compares the production levels of main fuels in a European country between 1981 and 2000. Overall, there was an increase in the production of petroleum and natural gas, while the opposite trend was observed for coal production. Throughout the period, petroleum consistently had the highest production levels.

Approximately 130 tonnes of petroleum were produced in the European country from 1981 to 1983, remaining unchanged during these four years. There was a slight decline from 130 tonnes to 90 tonnes between 1987 and 1991, followed by a final rise from just over 90 tonnes in 1991 to about 120 tonnes in 2000. The production of natural gas fluctuated within the range of 40 to 50 tonnes over the 16 years, ultimately increasing to about 85 tonnes in the final year of the period.

Coal production remained stable at about 80 tonnes from 1981 to 1984, after which it experienced a considerable decrease of 30 tonnes in 1985. There was a dramatic rise from approximately 50 tonnes to 70 tonnes between 1985 and 1987, followed by a significant drop from about 70 tonnes to just over 40 tonnes from 1987 to 2000.