The professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers should be paid more than the sports and entertainment stars or personalities. Do you agree or disagree?
Entertainment and sports have been blooming career sectors recently, in which people can earn an extremely high income. A school of thought is that those with professions such as doctors, or teachers should receive better salaries than those in leisure industries. I hold a balanced view in this debate.
There are some reasons why doctors, nurses and teachers should earn a handsome income. To begin with, they exert a fundamental influence on the well-being of citizens and the economic climate. It would be impossible for a country to have a high life expectancy and a low infant mortality rate with the absence of medical practitioners and nurses. Neither can a country thrive without conscientious teachers who commit themselves to bequeathing their knowledge to the youngsters. Moreover, such professions require a wealth of specialized knowledge and rigorous training. Undergraduates are supposed to attain many qualifications from universities, undertake a period of internship to be a professional in the field, Besides, higher payment of salary will encourage undergraduates to set foot in these fields, which will solve the chronic shortage of teachers, nurses in many regions.
Despite the significant role of education and medical profession to society, its does not mean that sportsmen and entertainers should be paid less. From an economic perspective, it is their fan and supporters that would pay prohibitively expensive tickets to matches and shows that feature their idols, which is in turn financially beneficial to the economy as a whole. In addition, the entertainment industry has been fiercely competitive recently and people have to salve away to make ends meet. The misguided belief that every singer or player is wealthy has blinded us from the fact that only popular figures have a stable income. Thus, decent incomes can motivate people to continue contributing to the public.
To conclude, I believe that doctors and teachers should be credited for their contribution with a better income. However, entertainment personalities should also be paid according to their achievements. After all, people’s income should be commensurate with their abilities and sacrifice, so paying one more than the other should not be the case here.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"blooming" -> "flourishing"
Explanation: Replacing "blooming" with "flourishing" is a more formal and descriptive term, aligning with academic style and offering a nuanced perspective on the growth of entertainment and sports careers.
"extremely high income" -> "substantial income"
Explanation: The term "substantial income" is more precise and formal than "extremely high income," maintaining academic tone and clarity.
"A school of thought" -> "One perspective"
Explanation: "A school of thought" is somewhat informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "One perspective" offers a more formal and concise introduction to the author’s viewpoint.
"hold a balanced view" -> "maintain a balanced perspective"
Explanation: "Hold a balanced view" can be made more formal by using "maintain a balanced perspective" while conveying the same meaning.
"earn a handsome income" -> "receive a generous salary"
Explanation: Replacing "earn a handsome income" with "receive a generous salary" uses more formal and precise language while conveying the idea of a good income.
"conscientious" -> "dedicated"
Explanation: "Conscientious" is a less common word and might be considered overly formal. Replacing it with "dedicated" maintains formality while improving clarity.
"bequeathing" -> "imparting"
Explanation: "Bequeathing" is a more archaic term, and "imparting" is a simpler and more commonly used word that suits academic writing.
"Undergraduates" -> "Aspiring professionals"
Explanation: "Undergraduates" is specific to students in university, while "aspiring professionals" encompasses a broader range of individuals considering careers in medicine and teaching.
"chronic shortage" -> "persistent shortage"
Explanation: "Chronic" is a more informal word choice. Replacing it with "persistent" maintains a formal tone while conveying the same idea.
"prohibitively expensive" -> "exorbitantly high"
Explanation: "Prohibitively expensive" can be replaced with "exorbitantly high" to use more precise and formal language.
"salve away" -> "struggle"
Explanation: "Salve away" is an uncommon phrase. Replacing it with "struggle" is more straightforward and maintains formality.
"income should be commensurate with their abilities and sacrifice" -> "income should be commensurate with their skills and dedication"
Explanation: This change replaces the less common term "abilities and sacrifice" with the more standard "skills and dedication" to enhance clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses all parts of the question. It discusses why doctors, nurses, and teachers should earn good salaries and also acknowledges the importance of sports and entertainment stars.
- How to improve: No improvement needed in this aspect. The response effectively covers all aspects of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and balanced stance throughout. It acknowledges the importance of both professional workers and entertainment/sports stars and argues for fair compensation for both.
- How to improve: No improvement needed in this aspect. The essay effectively maintains a clear position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas effectively. It provides reasons for why doctors, nurses, and teachers should be well-paid and also discusses the economic benefits of sports and entertainment. Specific examples, such as the impact on life expectancy and economic contributions, are provided.
- How to improve: The essay could benefit from providing more specific examples or data to strengthen its arguments further.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic and discusses the issue of whether professional workers or sports and entertainment stars should be paid more.
- How to improve: The essay should avoid general statements that stray slightly from the topic, such as the mention of the competitive nature of the entertainment industry. While relevant, it could be more tightly linked to the main argument.
Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a balanced perspective on the topic. It offers clear explanations and supports its ideas with relevant examples. To improve further, the essay could provide even more specific examples and ensure that all content directly relates to the main argument without any minor deviations.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively organizes information in a logical sequence. It begins with a clear introduction, presents reasons for both sides of the argument, and concludes with a concise summary. The essay’s structure aids in the comprehension of the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: Maintain the strong organizational structure throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph is clearly connected to the previous one, creating a smooth flow of ideas. Consider using transition words and phrases to enhance coherence further.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Continue using paragraphs effectively. Pay attention to paragraph length, ensuring they are not too long or too short. Consistently maintain a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("they," "their"), conjunctions ("moreover," "however"), and transitional phrases ("to begin with," "in addition"). These devices contribute to the essay’s overall cohesion.
- How to improve: Continue using cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas. Explore a wider variety of transitional phrases and synonyms for enhanced lexical cohesion. Be cautious not to overuse certain words or phrases, as this can lead to redundancy.
Overall, this essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To further improve, maintain the logical organization, pay attention to paragraph structure, and diversify your use of cohesive devices to enhance the overall clarity and readability of your writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases such as "blooming," "conscientious," "chronic shortage," "financially beneficial," and "commensurate." However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are expressed using fairly common words, and there is a limited exploration of more advanced vocabulary options.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using more precise and contextually relevant words when expressing ideas. Utilize synonyms and explore different phrasings to add depth and variety to your language. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "well-being of citizens," you could employ more sophisticated alternatives such as "citizens’ overall welfare" or "public health."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively to convey ideas, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, in the sentence "it would be impossible for a country to have a high life expectancy," the word "impossible" might be too strong, as it is technically possible but highly improbable. Additionally, phrases like "salve away" could be clarified for better comprehension.
- How to improve: To use vocabulary more precisely, ensure that the chosen words accurately convey your intended meaning. Consider the context and nuance of words to avoid overstatements or vague expressions. Instead of "impossible," you could use "extremely challenging" or "highly unlikely." For clarity, replace "salve away" with "struggle" or "work tirelessly."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy. There are only minor issues, such as "salve away," which should be "slave away." Additionally, there are some minor grammatical errors, like missing articles in phrases such as "absence of medical practitioners and nurses."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread your essay carefully. Pay attention to commonly misspelled words and grammatical errors, and consider using spelling and grammar checkers to assist in identifying and correcting issues. In this specific case, a proofreading pass could have caught the error in "salve away" and the missing articles.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of precision and spelling accuracy. By carefully selecting words that align with the intended meaning and ensuring correct spelling, you can further enhance your Lexical Resource score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fairly wide range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It effectively uses both dependent and independent clauses to convey ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on some repetitive sentence structures, which can make the writing somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To further enhance the essay’s grammatical range and overall readability, consider incorporating more varied sentence structures, such as rhetorical questions, conditional sentences, or inversion, where appropriate. This can make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy. Most sentences are well-structured and free from major grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "its does not mean" should be "it does not mean") and minor word choice issues (e.g., "salve away" should be "struggle" or "toil away").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully to catch minor errors like subject-verb agreement and word choice. Reading the essay aloud can help identify these issues. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses correct punctuation, including commas, periods, and quotation marks. However, there are some areas where punctuation could be improved. For instance, there are instances of missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "To begin with, they exert…"). Additionally, there is an inconsistency in the use of capitalization in "undergraduates" (should be lowercase) and "Neither" (should be followed by a comma).
- How to improve: To enhance punctuation skills, pay close attention to the use of commas after introductory phrases and ensure consistency in capitalization. Reviewing punctuation rules and practicing with writing guides can be beneficial in refining your punctuation skills.
Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy, but there is room for improvement in terms of sentence structure variety and minor punctuation issues. Incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and paying attention to punctuation details can help elevate the essay’s overall quality.
Bài sửa mẫu
Entertainment and sports have become flourishing career sectors in recent times, offering individuals the opportunity to earn a substantial income. The question arises as to whether professionals like doctors, nurses, and teachers should receive higher salaries than sports and entertainment stars or personalities. I maintain a balanced perspective on this debate.
There are valid reasons why doctors, nurses, and teachers should receive a generous salary. To begin with, they exert a fundamental influence on the well-being of citizens and the economic climate. It would be impossible for a country to have a high life expectancy and a low infant mortality rate without the presence of medical practitioners and nurses. Similarly, a thriving education system depends on conscientious teachers who dedicate themselves to imparting their knowledge to the younger generation. Moreover, these professions require a wealth of specialized knowledge and rigorous training. Aspiring professionals must attain numerous qualifications from universities and undergo a period of internship to become proficient in their respective fields. Additionally, offering higher salaries can encourage more undergraduates to pursue careers in these fields, ultimately addressing the persistent shortage of teachers and nurses in many regions.
However, it is essential to maintain a balanced perspective. While doctors, nurses, and teachers play a significant role in society, it does not necessarily mean that sportsmen and entertainers should be paid less. From an economic perspective, it is the fans and supporters who willingly pay for exorbitantly high-priced tickets to matches and shows featuring their idols. This, in turn, contributes to the overall financial well-being of the economy. Furthermore, the entertainment industry has become fiercely competitive, and individuals often struggle to make ends meet. The misconception that every singer or player is wealthy overlooks the fact that only popular figures enjoy a stable income. Therefore, providing them with decent incomes can serve as motivation to continue contributing to the public through their talents and performances.
In conclusion, I believe that doctors and teachers should be recognized for their invaluable contributions with better incomes. However, it is equally important to acknowledge the achievements of entertainment personalities and compensate them accordingly. Ultimately, individuals’ income should be commensurate with their skills and dedication, so favoring one group over the other should not be the case here.