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The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Accommodation remains a matter of great concern, and currently, the scarcity of dwellings in major cities can have detrimental impacts. There is a belief that only authorities can remedy this issue. I do not completely advocate this opinion because besides governments, businesses can play a significant role in alleviate this situation.
Indeed, the governing power and legitimacy can allow governments to curb the housing shortage effectively. Firstly, local authorities and city planners can adopt some suitable planning strategies, improving the land management and preventing the waste of this resource. Such approaches are inclined to pave the way for more residential buildings and houses, reducing homelessness and its relevant consequences. Another notable solution that governing bodies can take is to provide the poor and homeless with more affordable housing units, which not only ameliorates their living standards but also enhances the social cohesion.

However, I would argue that this housing problem is a big issue so there should be the cooperation of companies to tackle it. The first justification is that enterprises are partly responsible for the lack of urban land for housing by opening more branches and using labor of people in rural areas. As such, they should have a social obligation to tackle this problem, which can be done through the construction of houses and apartments for disadvantaged employees. Moreover, if governments had to deal with the shortage of housing alone, it would cost a considerable amount of national revenues, deteriorating many other important aspects in society such as education, healthcare, and transportation.

In conclusion, while governments can take many suitable approaches to improve the lack of housing in metropolises, businessmen should join hands in it for higher efficiency and the savings of resources for other vital aspects.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "currently" -> "presently"
    Explanation: Replacing "currently" with "presently" aligns with a more formal tone and enhances the sophistication of the language without affecting the overall meaning of the sentence.

  2. "can have detrimental impacts" -> "can have adverse effects"
    Explanation: Substituting "detrimental impacts" with "adverse effects" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term, contributing to a more academic style.

  3. "I do not completely advocate this opinion" -> "I do not entirely endorse this viewpoint"
    Explanation: Replacing "completely advocate" with "entirely endorse" elevates the level of formality and conveys a more nuanced expression of disagreement.

  4. "ameliorates" -> "improves"
    Explanation: While "ameliorates" is not incorrect, replacing it with "improves" simplifies the language without sacrificing clarity, aligning better with academic writing norms.

  5. "big issue" -> "significant challenge"
    Explanation: Substituting "big issue" with "significant challenge" imparts a more formal and precise characterization of the housing problem, enhancing the overall academic tone.

  6. "cooperation of companies" -> "collaboration of enterprises"
    Explanation: Replacing "cooperation of companies" with "collaboration of enterprises" introduces a more formal and nuanced term, aligning better with academic language expectations.

  7. "justification" -> "rationale"
    Explanation: Substituting "justification" with "rationale" maintains formality and introduces a more sophisticated term, enhancing the overall academic style of the essay.

  8. "social obligation" -> "social responsibility"
    Explanation: While "social obligation" is not inherently incorrect, replacing it with "social responsibility" offers a more commonly used and academically accepted term.

  9. "considerable amount of national revenues" -> "significant portion of national income"
    Explanation: Replacing "considerable amount of national revenues" with "significant portion of national income" enhances precision and formality, contributing to a more academic tone.

  10. "join hands in it" -> "collaborate in addressing it"
    Explanation: Substituting "join hands in it" with "collaborate in addressing it" maintains formality and provides a more detailed and academically suitable expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "I do not completely advocate this opinion because besides governments, businesses can play a significant role in alleviating this situation."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your introduction effectively communicates your stance on the issue, it would be beneficial to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This will enhance the organization and coherence of your essay. For instance, you can briefly mention that you will discuss the role of governments and businesses in addressing the housing shortage.
    • Improved example: "I do not completely advocate the sole reliance on government intervention because, in addition to governmental efforts, businesses can play a significant role in alleviating this situation. In this essay, I will discuss the roles of both governments and businesses in addressing the housing shortage."
  2. Quoted text: "However, I would argue that this housing problem is a big issue so there should be the cooperation of companies to tackle it."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your transition to the body paragraphs is clear, but it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or reasons supporting your argument. For instance, you can elaborate on how companies contribute to the shortage by opening branches and using rural labor. This will add depth to your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "However, I would argue that this housing problem is indeed a significant issue, and there should be active cooperation from companies to tackle it. For instance, companies contribute to the shortage by opening more branches and employing labor from rural areas, thereby escalating the demand for housing in urban areas."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, if governments had to deal with the shortage of housing alone, it would cost a considerable amount of national revenues, deteriorating many other important aspects in society such as education, healthcare, and transportation."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the potential strain on national revenues is well-made. However, to strengthen your argument, consider providing specific examples or elaborating on how this strain could negatively impact other vital aspects of society. This will make your reasoning more robust.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, if governments had to deal with the shortage of housing alone, the financial burden could be immense, diverting significant national revenues from crucial sectors such as education, healthcare, and transportation. This could result in a detrimental impact on the overall well-being of the society."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and reasons to support your points, enhancing the overall depth of your essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear organization with a logical progression of ideas throughout. Each paragraph maintains a central topic, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices, like transition words and phrases, aids in maintaining flow and connection between sentences and ideas. The essay effectively discusses the roles of both government and businesses in addressing housing shortages, maintaining a coherent structure.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, ensure that the relationship between sentences within paragraphs is consistently clear. Revising to eliminate any potential repetition and refining the use of cohesive devices can elevate the essay’s overall coherence. Additionally, a slightly more precise and varied use of vocabulary and sentence structures could elevate the cohesion and sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision, aligning with Band 7 criteria. There is evidence of less common lexical items, such as "ameliorates," "cohesion," and "metropolises," showcasing an awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present, such as "alleviate" misspelled as "ameliorates."

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score to a Band 8, focus on using less common lexical items with greater accuracy. Additionally, proofread the essay to eliminate minor errors in spelling and word choice, ensuring a more precise and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation. There is a mix of sentence forms, including both simple and complex structures. The writer produces frequent error-free sentences, and while there are some errors, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the role of both governments and businesses in solving the housing shortage issue. The language is generally clear and concise.

How to Improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer should aim for more sophisticated sentence structures and strive for absolute precision in grammar. Additionally, careful proofreading is recommended to identify and rectify minor errors. Expanding vocabulary and using more varied expressions can also contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The issue of housing shortage in large cities is a significant concern, with potential adverse consequences. Some argue that only government intervention can effectively address this problem. While I acknowledge the role of authorities in resolving housing shortages, I do not completely agree with the notion that they are the sole solution. Businesses, too, can play a crucial role in alleviating this situation.

Certainly, the authority and legitimacy vested in governments enable them to address housing shortages effectively. Local authorities and city planners, for instance, can implement suitable planning strategies to improve land management, thereby preventing the wastage of this vital resource. Such measures are likely to facilitate the construction of more residential buildings, reducing homelessness and its associated repercussions. Additionally, governing bodies can contribute by providing affordable housing units to the underprivileged, not only improving their living standards but also fostering social cohesion.

However, I contend that addressing the housing problem requires collaboration with businesses. One justification is that companies bear partial responsibility for the shortage of urban land due to the expansion of their operations and the utilization of rural labor. Consequently, they should feel a social obligation to address this issue by constructing houses and apartments for their disadvantaged employees. Furthermore, relying solely on governments to tackle housing shortages could strain national finances, negatively impacting essential sectors such as education, healthcare, and transportation.

In conclusion, while governments can implement various measures to mitigate housing shortages in cities, collaboration with businesses is essential for enhanced efficiency and the conservation of resources for other critical societal needs.

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