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The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The shortage of housing in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The inadequacy of housing estates in metropolitans has adverse drawbacks. It is argued that only government are able to take measures to address this issue. Personally, I totally agree with this view.

Government can ameliorate this problem by investing money into infrastructure improvement. The more money allocated, the more massive apartments, high-rise buildings in which a large number of households can live. As a result, they do not have to live in shabby slums with inadequate sanitation due to shortage of housing. The authority can also take actions to decrease the number of industrial factories, which is likely to be built in housing areas. They can exert pressure on these companies by raising the land tax so as to encourage them to move to rural areas. By this way, residents will have more space to live in.

It is also advisable that the government take steps to manipulate this issue by limiting the mass emigration from the countryside to big cities. More and more citizens living in rural areas are longing for moving to metropolitans to find lucrative jobs and high standard of living, which results in housing shortage. Only by raising employment opportunities in rural areas can government tackle this alarming issue. For instance, when more prestigious enterprises are built up in the suburb, people can make a living easier rather than desiring to big cities.

In conclusion, although the insufficiency of living areas in cities brings negative outcomes, this issue can be solved if governments allocate budgets properly, encouraging the relocation of giant companies and facilitate jobs opportunities in rural areas.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued that only government are able to take measures" -> "It is argued that only the government is able to take measures"
    Explanation: Replacing "government are" with "the government is" ensures subject-verb agreement, adhering to formal language conventions.

  2. "Personally, I totally agree with this view." -> "Personally, I strongly agree with this perspective."
    Explanation: Replacing "totally agree" with "strongly agree" adds emphasis and conveys the writer’s stance more assertively, aligning with academic formality.

  3. "massive apartments, high-rise buildings" -> "large-scale apartments, high-rise structures"
    Explanation: Substituting "massive" with "large-scale" provides a more nuanced and sophisticated description, contributing to a formal tone.

  4. "shabby slums with inadequate sanitation" -> "impoverished areas with inadequate sanitation"
    Explanation: Replacing "shabby slums" with "impoverished areas" maintains the focus on living conditions while using a more neutral and formal term.

  5. "exert pressure on these companies" -> "apply pressure to these companies"
    Explanation: The phrase "apply pressure to these companies" is a more formal alternative to "exert pressure on," aligning with academic writing standards.

  6. "raising the land tax so as to encourage them" -> "increasing the land tax to incentivize their relocation"
    Explanation: Substituting "raising" with "increasing" and rephrasing "so as to encourage them" to "to incentivize their relocation" enhances formality and clarity.

  7. "manipulate this issue" -> "address this issue"
    Explanation: Replacing "manipulate" with "address" maintains the intended meaning while using a more formal and appropriate term.

  8. "limiting the mass emigration" -> "curtailing the mass migration"
    Explanation: Replacing "limiting" with "curtailing" provides a more formal and precise alternative, aligning with academic style.

  9. "longing for moving to metropolitans" -> "aspiring to relocate to metropolises"
    Explanation: Substituting "longing for moving" with "aspiring to relocate" offers a more formal and precise expression of the residents’ desire to move.

  10. "make a living easier rather than desiring to big cities" -> "secure a livelihood more easily than aspiring to live in large cities"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with more formal language, such as "secure a livelihood" and "aspiring to live in large cities," enhances its academic tone and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "The inadequacy of housing estates in metropolitans has adverse drawbacks. It is argued that only government are able to take measures to address this issue. Personally, I totally agree with this view."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction successfully presents your agreement with the idea that only the government can solve the housing shortage issue in big cities. However, it would be more effective if you briefly outlined the main points you will discuss in the essay. This can enhance the overall structure and provide a roadmap for the reader.
    • Improved example: "The inadequacy of housing estates in metropolitans has adverse drawbacks. It is argued that only the government can take measures to address this issue. In this essay, I will discuss how government investment in infrastructure, control over industrial development, and addressing rural-urban migration can alleviate the housing shortage problem."
  2. Quoted text: "Government can ameliorate this problem by investing money into infrastructure improvement. The more money allocated, the more massive apartments, high-rise buildings in which a large number of households can live."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about government investment in infrastructure is valid. However, it lacks depth and could benefit from more specific details or examples to support the idea. For instance, you can provide examples of successful projects where government investment in infrastructure led to an increase in housing availability. This would strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Government can ameliorate this problem by strategically investing money into infrastructure improvement. For instance, allocating funds to develop transportation networks and utilities can lead to the construction of more massive apartments and high-rise buildings, accommodating a larger number of households."
  3. Quoted text: "It is also advisable that the government take steps to manipulate this issue by limiting the mass emigration from the countryside to big cities. More and more citizens living in rural areas are longing for moving to metropolitans to find lucrative jobs and high standard of living, which results in housing shortage."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While your point about limiting mass emigration is relevant, it lacks depth in terms of how the government can achieve this. Provide more specific strategies or policies that governments could implement to encourage people to stay in rural areas. Offering examples of successful initiatives or programs would strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: "It is also advisable that the government take proactive steps to manipulate this issue by implementing policies that limit mass emigration from the countryside to big cities. For instance, the government could introduce programs that promote employment opportunities in rural areas, making it more attractive for citizens to stay. This could include establishing skill development centers or supporting local businesses to create job opportunities."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear position and addresses the task. However, enhancing the depth of your ideas with more specific examples will contribute to a more well-developed response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. There is a clear overall progression, and ideas are presented in a logical sequence within paragraphs. The introduction provides a clear stance, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, although there are some instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within sentences. For example, in the sentence "The more money allocated, the more massive apartments, high-rise buildings," the repetition of "the more" creates some redundancy. Additionally, paragraphing is generally logical, but there are moments where the organization could be improved for better flow.

How to improve:

  1. Refine Cohesive Devices: Pay attention to the use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of ideas. Vary sentence structures to achieve a more natural cohesion.
  2. Enhance Sentence-Level Cohesion: Ensure that the connection between sentences is seamless. Some sentences lack clarity in their relationship to the preceding ones.
  3. Fine-tune Paragraphing: While paragraphing is generally logical, there are instances where transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider the overall flow of ideas between paragraphs for improved coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision in addressing the topic. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "ameliorate" and "manipulate," contributing to a varied lexical range. The essay also incorporates some awareness of style and collocation, though there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "take measures to address" and "raising the land tax." Despite these inaccuracies, the vocabulary is generally apt and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on refining the use of less common vocabulary, ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation is essential to further elevate the band score. Additionally, incorporating a more diverse range of vocabulary related to the topic can enhance the lexical richness of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex structures. While there are some errors present, they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay successfully incorporates both simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to its overall coherence. There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, and ideas are developed logically.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, refine the sentence structures for smoother transitions and clarity. Proofreading for minor errors will help maintain the high level of grammatical accuracy expected in Band 8 and above.

Bài sửa mẫu

The scarcity of housing in major cities can have significant repercussions. The notion that only the government can take effective measures to rectify this issue is widely debated. Personally, I fully support this perspective.

Governments can alleviate this problem by investing in infrastructure improvements. The more funds allocated, the more extensive the construction of apartments and high-rise buildings, accommodating a larger number of households. Consequently, individuals won’t be compelled to reside in dilapidated slums with substandard sanitation due to housing shortages. Additionally, authorities can take measures to reduce the establishment of industrial factories in residential areas. By imposing higher land taxes, they can exert pressure on these companies, encouraging them to relocate to rural areas. This approach provides residents with more living space.

It is also advisable for the government to address this issue by controlling the mass migration from rural areas to urban centers. An increasing number of citizens from rural regions aspire to move to cities in search of lucrative employment opportunities and a higher standard of living, contributing to housing shortages. The government can effectively tackle this pressing issue by enhancing employment opportunities in rural areas. For example, establishing reputable enterprises in suburban areas can make a livelihood more accessible, reducing the inclination to migrate to big cities.

In conclusion, while the insufficient living space in cities leads to negative consequences, this issue can be resolved if governments allocate budgets judiciously, encourage the relocation of large companies, and facilitate job opportunities in rural areas.

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