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The shortage of housing leads to serious consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The shortage of housing leads to serious consequences. Only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Recently, the lack of housing for inhabitants can result in adverse drawbacks that only the action of government can mitigate this issue. However, while I accept that this would have positive effects due to the power of governments, I believe that there exists far more affairs that they cannot solely deal with.
On the one hand, the government can bring about a variety of solutions which can ease the problem immediately. The government can stimulate businesses to construct more buildings through bringing in a new law or policy. To be more specific, apartments are the most successful method that have been used in various metropolitan areas in the world and by applying the opening policy for private companies, they will be able to invest in more projects to construct buildings which will be the future accommodations of citizens. For instance, in huge cities such as New York or California, it is all covered by skyscrapers to cope with a high density of population.
On the flip side, I do believe that it still contains both tangible and intangible affairs that take much time to work out. With the increasing demand of building more accommodations, there will be a lack of land. This issue requires the combination of residents, the government and even money. Therefore, small houses of inhabitants have to be demolished and pay back suitable money in order to get more empty to facilitate the construction. This may meet a negative reflection from the owners of those houses, but it is essential to mitigate the biggest struggle.
To sum up, it is certainly true that the government plays a pivotal role in dealing with this problem but there still exists some struggles that hamper that process.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "adverse drawbacks" -> "negative consequences"
    Explanation: Replacing "adverse drawbacks" with "negative consequences" enhances the formality of the expression while maintaining clarity. The term "adverse drawbacks" is redundant and less precise.

  2. "action of government" -> "intervention of the government"
    Explanation: Substituting "action of government" with "intervention of the government" provides a more sophisticated term that aligns better with formal language. It also conveys a sense of purposeful involvement by the government.

  3. "would have positive effects" -> "could yield positive outcomes"
    Explanation: Changing "would have positive effects" to "could yield positive outcomes" introduces a more nuanced and conditional tone, which is often preferred in academic writing. It emphasizes the potential rather than certainty.

  4. "far more affairs" -> "numerous challenges"
    Explanation: Replacing "far more affairs" with "numerous challenges" offers a more precise and formal expression. "Affairs" is a broad term, and specifying it as "challenges" adds clarity and sophistication.

  5. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: Substituting "On the one hand" with "Firstly" is a more structured way to introduce the first point. It aligns with the conventions of academic writing and provides a smoother transition.

  6. "bring about a variety of solutions" -> "implement diverse solutions"
    Explanation: Changing "bring about a variety of solutions" to "implement diverse solutions" adds a touch of formality and agency to the sentence. It conveys a more active role of the government in solving the housing issue.

  7. "To be more specific" -> "To elaborate"
    Explanation: Replacing "To be more specific" with "To elaborate" contributes to a more formal and precise transition. It signals a detailed explanation is to follow.

  8. "huge cities such as New York or California" -> "major metropolises like New York and California"
    Explanation: Substituting "huge cities such as New York or California" with "major metropolises like New York and California" provides a more polished and precise description, avoiding the colloquial use of "huge."

  9. "on the flip side" -> "however"
    Explanation: Changing "on the flip side" to "however" is a more standard transition in academic writing. It maintains a formal tone and ensures a smoother flow between contrasting ideas.

  10. "it still contains both tangible and intangible affairs" -> "it involves both tangible and intangible aspects"
    Explanation: Replacing "it still contains both tangible and intangible affairs" with "it involves both tangible and intangible aspects" offers a more refined and accurate description. "Affairs" is replaced with "aspects" for clarity.

  11. "take much time to work out" -> "require considerable time to resolve"
    Explanation: Substituting "take much time to work out" with "require considerable time to resolve" imparts a more formal and precise expression. It emphasizes the seriousness and complexity of the issues at hand.

  12. "meet a negative reflection" -> "face resistance"
    Explanation: Changing "meet a negative reflection" to "face resistance" provides a more appropriate and formal term. It accurately conveys the idea of encountering opposition or disapproval.

  13. "but it is essential to mitigate the biggest struggle" -> "yet it is essential to alleviate the primary challenge"
    Explanation: Replacing "but it is essential to mitigate the biggest struggle" with "yet it is essential to alleviate the primary challenge" maintains the formality and clarity of the statement. "Mitigate" is replaced with "alleviate" for precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Recently, the lack of housing for inhabitants can result in adverse drawbacks that only the action of government can mitigate this issue. However, while I accept that this would have positive effects due to the power of governments, I believe that there exist far more affairs that they cannot solely deal with."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction is generally clear in presenting the writer’s stance on the issue. However, it would be beneficial to include a brief preview of the main points to be discussed in the essay. This would provide a roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall coherence of your response. For example, you could outline the specific challenges the government might struggle with in addressing housing shortages.
    • Improved example: "Recently, the shortage of housing has raised concerns, and while I acknowledge the potential positive impact of government intervention, it is crucial to explore the multifaceted challenges that may hinder the government’s ability to address this issue comprehensively. In this essay, I will discuss both the immediate benefits of government action and the complex nature of housing problems that may require broader collaboration."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, the government can bring about a variety of solutions which can ease the problem immediately. The government can stimulate businesses to construct more buildings through bringing in a new law or policy. To be more specific, apartments are the most successful method that have been used in various metropolitan areas in the world and by applying the opening policy for private companies, they will be able to invest in more projects to construct buildings which will be the future accommodations of citizens."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your argument for government intervention is reasonably developed, citing the stimulation of businesses and the application of new policies. To enhance this, consider providing a specific example or scenario to illustrate how such policies have succeeded in solving housing shortages in other places. This would add depth to your argument and make it more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "On the one hand, the government possesses the authority to enact policies that stimulate private businesses to address housing shortages. For instance, implementing tax incentives for real estate developers has proven successful in cities like Singapore, where it led to a significant increase in affordable housing projects."
  3. Quoted text: "On the flip side, I do believe that it still contains both tangible and intangible affairs that take much time to work out. With the increasing demand of building more accommodations, there will be a lack of land. This issue requires the combination of residents, the government and even money. Therefore, small houses of inhabitants have to be demolished and pay back suitable money in order to get more empty to facilitate the construction. This may meet a negative reflection from the owners of those houses, but it is essential to mitigate the biggest struggle."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you correctly highlight challenges associated with housing solutions, it would be beneficial to further develop your ideas. For instance, consider providing specific examples of how community involvement or innovative financing models have successfully addressed similar challenges in other regions. This would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexity of the issue.
    • Improved example: "However, addressing the shortage of land for construction involves intricate challenges. In some cases, successful models have involved collaborative efforts among residents, the government, and private investors. For example, community land trusts have proven effective in preserving space for affordable housing, allowing residents to have a stake in the decision-making process."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents well-reasoned arguments. To further enhance your response, consider incorporating specific examples and expanding on the complexity of the challenges associated with housing shortages.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion at a Band 6 level. It successfully arranges ideas with a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is effective, although there are instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences is somewhat faulty or mechanical. The essay employs paragraphing, but it is not consistently logical throughout.

The introduction sets the stage by addressing the housing shortage issue and presenting a nuanced perspective. Each body paragraph presents a clear central topic, discussing both the government’s potential solutions and the challenges involved. Transitions between ideas are generally clear, contributing to the overall coherence.

However, there are moments where the connection between sentences is not seamless. For example, the transition between the positive effects of government action and the challenges related to the shortage of land could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion is concise but could be strengthened by summarizing key points more explicitly.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Sentence Transitions: Ensure smoother transitions between sentences by using transitional words and phrases that explicitly connect ideas.
  2. Logical Paragraphing: Maintain logical paragraph structures consistently throughout the essay. Each paragraph should focus on a central topic and contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
  3. Summarize Key Points in Conclusion: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points of the essay to reinforce the overall coherence and leave a lasting impression on the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, attempting to use less common vocabulary at times. There is an effort to convey ideas with varied word choices, but there are some inaccuracies and instances where more precise or sophisticated language could have been employed. While it addresses the topic adequately, there’s room for improvement in vocabulary diversity and precision.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, try incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, particularly in expressing complex ideas or relationships. Use more sophisticated and varied terminology related to housing shortages and government actions. Additionally, refine the precision of language use by employing precise words and phrases that better convey the intended meanings. Focus on collocation and style to elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to utilize a mix of both simple and complex sentence structures to convey ideas. There is an effort to incorporate complex sentences, although the accuracy in their execution is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. Some sentences show complexity, but there are grammatical errors that affect the overall communication. The essay displays a mix of sentence forms, showcasing an attempt at varied structures.

There are instances of grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally disrupt the flow of ideas and clarity of expression. However, these errors do not severely hinder the understanding of the content. The essay contains a range of sentence structures but lacks consistent accuracy, particularly in the use of complex structures.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure Consistency: Work on maintaining consistent accuracy in the use of complex sentence structures throughout the essay. Practice using varied sentence forms to enhance fluency and coherence.
  2. Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on refining grammar usage and punctuation to minimize errors. Review sentence structures to ensure clarity and precision in conveying ideas.
  3. Complex Sentence Construction: Aim for more precision and accuracy when constructing complex sentences. Practice using complex structures effectively to elevate the overall quality of writing.

Improving the accuracy and variety of sentence structures while refining grammar and punctuation will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, the scarcity of housing has given rise to significant challenges, and it is widely believed that government intervention is indispensable in addressing this issue. While I acknowledge the positive impact that governmental actions can bring about, I maintain that certain complexities extend beyond the government’s sole capacity to resolve.

On one hand, government initiatives can promptly alleviate the problem by introducing measures to encourage businesses in the construction sector. For instance, implementing new laws or policies that foster private company participation can stimulate increased construction activity. A prime example of this approach is the widespread use of apartments in major metropolitan areas worldwide. By opening avenues for private investments, these areas, like New York or California, have successfully coped with high population density through the construction of towering skyscrapers.

On the flip side, it is essential to recognize that some aspects of this issue involve both tangible and intangible challenges, demanding considerable time and collaborative efforts. The escalating demand for more accommodations often leads to a shortage of available land. Effectively addressing this requires cooperation among residents, the government, and financial resources. Consequently, the removal of smaller residences becomes necessary, with suitable compensation being provided to facilitate new construction projects. While this may face resistance from homeowners, it remains a crucial step in overcoming the most significant hurdles.

In conclusion, while it is undeniable that government intervention is pivotal in tackling the housing shortage, it is crucial to acknowledge the existence of challenges that extend beyond the government’s immediate capacity to resolve. A comprehensive and collaborative approach involving various stakeholders is essential for a sustainable and effective resolution to this pressing issue.

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