The state of environment is now a cause for concern in all countries across the world. Apart from government measures & policies, what can individuals do on a personal level to combat the negative effects that our lifestyles have on the environment?

These days, environmental problems are the serious causes for all nations overseas. In addition to having solutions from authorities and executives, residents should raise their awareness to have each person’s methods to defeat the detrimental impacts that can destroy the environment. From my perspective, both ways can also reject this environmental issues
At the present, authorities and executives have thought of some solutions that can alleviate this vital problem. First of all, they apply some methods to protect and maintain biodiversity through eco-tourism. The domestic and local visitors can travel to some national parks. This act not only can develop economic growth but also preserve some endangered species. Second, they put efforts to use renewable energy instead of using fossil fuels to avoid global warming nowadays. The eco-friendly resources come from wind, sun and water. Therefore, these new resources can supersede because these are more sustainable, available and unsoiled than temporary resources and do not emit toxin to the atmosphere
Besides the efforts of policies and government measures, each person must have their own ways to contribute to the protection. Firstly, they have to follow the law that is related to the environment. Secondly, everyone can simply become an environmentalist if they try to understand what our Earth needs to become more sustainable. Thirdly, a person can conserve the environment if they raise their and others awareness and responsibilities to make the environment more better
In summary, the more activities each individual does, the more durable the environment will be. And hence, if all people concentrate on maintaining the ecosystems and avoiding negative effects on the environment, our Earth can be more firm in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"these days" -> "currently" or "presently"
Explanation: Replacing "these days" with "currently" or "presently" adds formality to the sentence, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"serious causes" -> "significant concerns" or "major issues"
Explanation: "Serious causes" may be interpreted as the causes of serious issues rather than the issues themselves. "Significant concerns" or "major issues" better convey the severity of environmental problems.
"all nations overseas" -> "globally" or "internationally"
Explanation: "All nations overseas" is unclear and awkward. "Globally" or "internationally" better communicate the broad scope of the issue.
"raise their awareness" -> "increase their awareness" or "heighten their awareness"
Explanation: "Raise their awareness" is slightly informal. "Increase their awareness" or "heighten their awareness" maintains formality.
"detrimental impacts" -> "adverse effects" or "negative consequences"
Explanation: "Detrimental impacts" is less precise. "Adverse effects" or "negative consequences" better describe the harmful outcomes.
"From my perspective" -> "In my opinion" or "From my viewpoint"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is slightly informal. "In my opinion" or "From my viewpoint" are more standard in academic writing.
"At the present" -> "Currently" or "Presently"
Explanation: "At the present" is less formal. "Currently" or "Presently" are more appropriate in academic writing.
"alleviate this vital problem" -> "address this pressing issue" or "mitigate this critical problem"
Explanation: "Alleviate this vital problem" lacks precision. "Address this pressing issue" or "mitigate this critical problem" better convey the urgency.
"eco-tourism" -> "sustainable tourism"
Explanation: "Eco-tourism" may seem informal. "Sustainable tourism" is a more precise term that aligns with academic writing.
"domestic and local visitors" -> "domestic and international tourists"
Explanation: "Domestic and local visitors" is redundant and imprecise. "Domestic and international tourists" clarifies the intended audience.
"global warming nowadays" -> "contemporary global warming" or "current climate change"
Explanation: "Global warming nowadays" is informal. "Contemporary global warming" or "current climate change" are more formal and precise.
"supersede" -> "replace" or "outweigh"
Explanation: "Supersede" might be too formal and obscure in this context. "Replace" or "outweigh" are simpler alternatives.
"unsoiled" -> "clean" or "unpolluted"
Explanation: "Unsoiled" is uncommon and may be misinterpreted. "Clean" or "unpolluted" are clearer alternatives.
"raise their and others awareness" -> "raise their own awareness and that of others" or "increase awareness among themselves and others"
Explanation: "Raise their and others awareness" is grammatically incorrect. "Raise their own awareness and that of others" or "increase awareness among themselves and others" clarify the intended meaning.
"the more durable the environment will be" -> "the greater the durability of the environment" or "the more resilient the environment will become"
Explanation: "The more durable the environment will be" is awkward. "The greater the durability of the environment" or "the more resilient the environment will become" are clearer alternatives.
"more better" -> "better" or "improved"
Explanation: "More better" is grammatically incorrect. "Better" or "improved" convey the intended meaning more effectively.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: government measures/policies and individual actions to combat environmental issues. It discusses governmental efforts such as eco-tourism and renewable energy, as well as individual responsibilities like following environmental laws and raising awareness.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into specific actions individuals can take beyond merely following laws and raising awareness. Providing concrete examples or suggestions for personal lifestyle changes would enrich the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that both government actions and individual efforts are necessary to address environmental concerns. This position is consistently expressed throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, ensuring that each paragraph reinforces this stance explicitly could further strengthen the coherence and clarity of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about government initiatives and individual actions to combat environmental issues. However, the development and support of these ideas lack depth and specificity. While examples like eco-tourism and renewable energy are mentioned, they are not thoroughly explained or expanded upon.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed explanations and examples to bolster its arguments. Incorporating statistics, case studies, or real-life examples would lend credibility and depth to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing both governmental and individual responses to environmental challenges. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer, such as when discussing the importance of eco-tourism in preserving endangered species.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding tangential discussions and consistently tying arguments back to the main topic will improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, reinforcing the clarity of the position, and ensuring complete adherence to the topic. By incorporating specific examples, expanding on ideas, and maintaining a clear focus, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that paraphrases the prompt but lacks clarity and coherence. The body paragraphs are somewhat organized, with each one focusing on either governmental actions or individual actions. However, transitions between ideas and paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, causing minor disruptions in the flow of ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing governmental measures to individual responsibilities could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph builds upon the previous one in a coherent manner. Use topic sentences that clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph and utilize transition words and phrases (e.g., firstly, secondly, therefore) more effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but the structure within some paragraphs could be more refined. Paragraphs generally contain a mix of relevant information, but occasionally they lack clear topic sentences or coherence within themselves. For example, the paragraph discussing governmental solutions could benefit from clearer organization around specific examples like eco-tourism and renewable energy.
- How to improve: Focus on creating well-defined topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader. Ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea cohesively, supported by relevant examples or explanations. Consider revising paragraphs to maintain a clear and structured presentation of ideas throughout.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes some use of cohesive devices such as ‘firstly’, ‘secondly’, and ‘in summary’. These help to sequence ideas and indicate progression within the essay. However, the variety and effectiveness of these cohesive devices could be improved to enhance coherence further. There is a need for more sophisticated cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., ‘these’, ‘those’) to refer back to previously mentioned concepts or cohesive conjunctions (e.g., ‘although’, ‘however’) to show contrast or concession.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay to strengthen the connections between ideas. Use pronouns and cohesive conjunctions strategically to clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs. This will help to create a smoother and more cohesive flow of ideas from introduction to conclusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a sufficient level of coherence and cohesion to achieve a Band Score of 6, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the diversity of cohesive devices would elevate its coherence to a more consistent and sophisticated level. Focus on these aspects in future writing to enhance clarity and coherence effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, including terms like "biodiversity," "eco-tourism," "sustainable," and "endangered species." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of vocabulary used. For instance, phrases like "vital problem" and "more better" could be replaced with more precise and nuanced language.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, strive to incorporate more diverse and advanced terms relevant to the topic. Consult a thesaurus or academic sources to find synonyms and explore nuanced expressions. Additionally, aim to use idiomatic expressions and phrasal verbs appropriately to enrich the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as in the mention of "renewable energy" and "eco-friendly resources." However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "each person’s methods" (ambiguous) and "more better" (grammatically incorrect).
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary accurately and precisely to convey ideas clearly. Avoid vague or redundant phrases and opt for more specific terms where applicable. Proofreading for grammar and syntax errors can also aid in maintaining precision in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "unsoiled" instead of "clean" or "unsullied." Additionally, the phrase "more better" is grammatically incorrect.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling accuracy during the writing process. Utilize spell-checking tools and proofread carefully to catch any misspelled words or typographical errors. Consider reviewing common spelling patterns and irregularities to further improve spelling proficiency. Additionally, focus on grammatical accuracy to avoid errors in sentence construction and expression.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, using language more precisely, and ensuring correct spelling and grammar, the essay can achieve a higher level of sophistication and clarity in expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized, albeit somewhat repetitively. There’s a consistent use of subject-verb-object patterns, occasionally interrupted by clauses and phrases. However, the variety is limited, and there’s a lack of more sophisticated structures such as inversion, parallelism, or conditional sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more diverse sentence patterns. This could involve employing techniques like parallelism for emphasis, inversion for variety, and conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations. Varying the length and complexity of sentences can also add depth to the essay’s expression.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with occasional errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. For instance, there are instances of incorrect pluralization ("causes" instead of "cause"), missing articles ("the serious causes" instead of "serious causes"), and awkward phrasing ("more better" instead of "better"). Punctuation usage is generally appropriate, but there are minor errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs agree with their subjects in number and tense. Additionally, focusing on article usage and avoiding redundant phrases like "more better" will enhance clarity and precision. Consistent use of punctuation, particularly commas to clarify sentence structure and aid readability, is essential. Proofreading for these specific errors before finalizing the essay can help eliminate such mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence patterns and paying closer attention to grammatical details, the writer can elevate the clarity and sophistication of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, environmental problems are serious concerns for all nations worldwide. Apart from the measures taken by authorities and governments, individuals should increase their awareness and adopt personal methods to combat the harmful impacts that threaten the environment. In my opinion, both approaches can help to mitigate these environmental issues.

Currently, governments and authorities have proposed various solutions to address this pressing issue. Firstly, they are implementing measures to protect and preserve biodiversity through eco-tourism. Domestic and local tourists can visit national parks, which not only promotes economic growth but also helps conserve endangered species. Secondly, efforts are being made to transition from fossil fuels to renewable energy sources like wind, solar, and hydropower. These eco-friendly resources are more sustainable, readily available, and cleaner than conventional fuels, without emitting harmful toxins into the atmosphere.

In addition to governmental policies and measures, individuals also have a responsibility to contribute to environmental protection. Firstly, everyone should adhere to environmental laws. Secondly, individuals can contribute significantly by adopting an environmentally friendly lifestyle and promoting awareness among others. Finally, raising awareness and taking personal responsibility are key to creating a better environment for all.

In conclusion, the more each individual does to protect the environment, the more sustainable our planet will become. Therefore, if people focus on preserving ecosystems and minimizing negative impacts on the environment, our Earth can have a more secure future.