fbpx

The state of the environment is now a cause for concern in all countries across the world. Apart from government measures and policies, what can individuals do on a personal level to combat the negative effects that our lifestyles have on the environment.

The state of the environment is now a cause for concern in all countries across the world. Apart from government measures and policies, what can individuals do on a personal level to combat the negative effects that our lifestyles have on the environment.

The concerns for environmental issues are universal across the world. Apart from governmental initiatives, these problems must be addressed on a personal level. In the following essay, I will highlight some practical methods to reverse the detrimental impact our daily activities have on the environment.

One major culprit behind the deterioration of our environment is overreliance on personal transportation. In Vietnam, almost every individual own a motorcycle, and the carbon dioxide emissions from this means of transport alone are mainly responsible for the alarming rate of air pollution in our country. Having acknowledged the adverse impact this vehicle has on public’s health and overall quality of life, many Vietnamese people are gravitating towards public transport for commuting and travelling in hope to negate further negative repercussions. Other nations also took the lead in addressing environmental problems such as Germany where citizens utilize bicycles on a daily basis. Such approach of mitigating pollution should be applied extensively and ach person have to be extremely aware of the impact each short-distance commute has on the environment and choose the suitable means of transport.

Another cause for the exhausting state of the environment is excessive consumption, and this habit must be changed. On a daily basis, tonnes of domestic waste are dumped into landfills and disposed of by other methods, thereby draining our environment with toxic residues which contaminate the environment on a large extent. Individuals should take the initiative to adopt alternatives for daily purchases as well as disposal method. For example, we can buy from producers who use eco-friendly materials, replacing plastic bags with paper bags or even bringing our own cups to coffee shops makes a difference. It is vital to learn how to recycle plastic waste and make use of them by turning said waste into valuable everyday essentials.

In conclusion, it is crucial for individuals to recognize how their daily life inflict lasting damage on the environment and make necessary changes to everyday activities to alleviate the worrying problem that is environmental pollution.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The concerns for environmental issues are universal" -> "Concerns about environmental issues are universal"
    Explanation: Adding "about" clarifies the prepositional phrase, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and readability of the sentence in formal writing.

  2. "must be addressed on a personal level" -> "must be addressed at the individual level"
    Explanation: "At the individual level" is a more precise and formal expression than "on a personal level," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  3. "In the following essay, I will highlight" -> "This essay will discuss"
    Explanation: Removing "I" and replacing it with "This essay" aligns better with the impersonal tone expected in academic writing, making the introduction more formal.

  4. "almost every individual own a motorcycle" -> "almost every individual owns a motorcycle"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb tense from "own" to "owns" aligns with the singular subject "individual."

  5. "the carbon dioxide emissions from this means of transport alone are mainly responsible" -> "the carbon dioxide emissions from this mode of transport are primarily responsible"
    Explanation: "Mode of transport" is more specific and formal than "means of transport," and "primarily" is a more precise adverb than "mainly."

  6. "public’s health" -> "public health"
    Explanation: Removing the possessive apostrophe corrects a grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

  7. "gravitating towards" -> "tending towards"
    Explanation: "Tending towards" is a more formal and precise term than "gravitating towards," which is somewhat colloquial.

  8. "Such approach of mitigating pollution" -> "Such an approach to mitigating pollution"
    Explanation: Adding "an" before "approach" corrects the article usage, and "to" is the correct preposition for introducing the infinitive phrase "mitigating pollution."

  9. "ach person have to be" -> "each person must be"
    Explanation: Correcting "ach" to "each" and "have" to "must" fixes grammatical errors and enhances the formality of the sentence.

  10. "exhausting state of the environment" -> "depleted state of the environment"
    Explanation: "Depleted" is a more precise and formal term than "exhausting," which is somewhat vague and informal in this context.

  11. "dumped into landfills and disposed of by other methods" -> "dumped into landfills and disposed of through other methods"
    Explanation: "Through" is more appropriate than "by" in this context, indicating the manner in which something is done.

  12. "draining our environment with toxic residues" -> "contaminating our environment with toxic residues"
    Explanation: "Contaminating" is a more specific and accurate term than "draining" in the context of environmental pollution.

  13. "makes a difference" -> "makes a significant difference"
    Explanation: Adding "significant" emphasizes the impact, which is more appropriate in formal academic writing.

  14. "It is vital to learn how to recycle plastic waste and make use of them" -> "It is essential to learn how to recycle plastic waste and utilize them"
    Explanation: "Utilize" is more formal than "make use of," and "essential" is more emphatic than "vital" in academic contexts.

  15. "inflict lasting damage" -> "inflict lasting harm"
    Explanation: "Harm" is a more precise term than "damage" in the context of environmental impact, aligning better with formal academic language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing individual actions that can combat environmental issues, specifically focusing on transportation and consumption habits. The introduction clearly outlines the intention to highlight practical methods, which aligns with the task requirements. However, while the essay mentions "governmental initiatives," it could have elaborated more on how individual actions complement these measures, thereby providing a more rounded response to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a brief discussion on the relationship between individual actions and government policies, perhaps suggesting how individuals can advocate for or support these policies. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that individuals play a crucial role in addressing environmental issues. The stance is consistent throughout, with each paragraph focusing on specific actions individuals can take. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some sentences feel slightly disjointed, which may affect the overall clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer should use transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. For instance, linking the discussion of transportation directly to the subsequent point about consumption could help reinforce the overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as reducing reliance on personal transportation and minimizing consumption. Each point is supported with examples, such as the reference to Vietnam’s motorcycle usage and Germany’s bicycle culture. However, some ideas could be further developed; for instance, the section on recycling could benefit from specific examples of how individuals can effectively recycle or repurpose materials.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of individual actions on the environment. Additionally, elaborating on the methods of recycling and providing more detailed alternatives for consumption would enhance the depth of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on individual actions to combat environmental issues. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the phrase "the exhausting state of the environment" could be clarified to directly tie back to the actions individuals can take, ensuring that every part of the essay directly relates to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should regularly refer back to the main question throughout the essay. This could involve reiterating the importance of individual responsibility in each paragraph and ensuring that all examples directly relate to the actions individuals can take to improve the environment.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, but it could benefit from deeper development of points and improved coherence. By addressing these areas, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear introduction that outlines the main focus, which is the role of individuals in combating environmental issues. The body paragraphs are structured around specific causes of environmental degradation, such as overreliance on personal transportation and excessive consumption. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother, as the connection between transportation and consumption is not explicitly stated, which may leave the reader wanting more coherence in the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that link the two main points more explicitly. For example, after discussing transportation, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence that connects the idea of transportation to consumption, such as, "In addition to transportation, our consumption habits also play a significant role in environmental degradation." This would help create a more cohesive flow between paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of individual responsibility towards the environment. The first paragraph discusses transportation, while the second addresses consumption. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences and concluding sentences that reinforce the main idea of each section. For instance, the second paragraph could end with a stronger concluding statement that summarizes the importance of changing consumption habits.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider adding a concluding sentence that summarizes the key points discussed in the paragraph, reinforcing the argument and providing a sense of closure before transitioning to the next point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "apart from," "for example," and "in conclusion." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "such approach of mitigating pollution should be applied extensively" could be more effectively linked to the previous sentence, enhancing the flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "moreover." This will help create a more fluid reading experience and clarify the relationships between different ideas. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences can also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive narrative.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments. By focusing on enhancing logical connections, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "deterioration," "overreliance," and "excessive consumption" effectively conveying the writer’s points. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "environmental issues" and "negative impact," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, the phrase "detrimental impact" could be substituted with "adverse effects" or "harmful consequences" in different sections to avoid redundancy.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a list of alternative phrases and regularly practicing their use in writing can help. Additionally, reading a wider range of texts on environmental issues can expose the writer to diverse vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the public’s health" instead of "public health," which is a more commonly accepted phrase. Furthermore, the phrase "draining our environment with toxic residues" could be more accurately expressed as "polluting our environment with toxic waste." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and weaken the overall clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and collocations that are commonly used in academic writing. Consulting a thesaurus for synonyms and checking their usage in context can help ensure that the vocabulary fits the intended meaning. Additionally, reviewing grammar and vocabulary resources specific to IELTS writing can provide guidance on appropriate word choices.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "ach person" instead of "each person" and "tonnes" which, while not incorrect in British English, may be less familiar to some readers. These errors can detract from the professionalism of the writing and may confuse readers.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should make it a habit to proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises and quizzes can reinforce correct spelling in the writer’s memory.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute significantly to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex sentences such as "Having acknowledged the adverse impact this vehicle has on public’s health and overall quality of life, many Vietnamese people are gravitating towards public transport for commuting and travelling…" This showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and similar structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Another cause for" or "Individuals should," which can detract from the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "Individuals should," the writer might use phrases like "It is essential for individuals to…" or "One effective strategy is to…". Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "almost every individual own a motorcycle" should be corrected to "almost every individual owns a motorcycle" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the sentence "Such approach of mitigating pollution should be applied extensively and ach person have to be extremely aware…" contains a typo ("ach" should be "each") and a grammatical error ("have" should be "has" to match the singular subject "each person"). Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in longer sentences.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch subject-verb agreement errors and typos. It may also be beneficial to practice identifying common grammatical pitfalls, such as ensuring that singular subjects are paired with singular verbs. Additionally, revisiting punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help enhance clarity. For example, the writer could break down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones to avoid confusion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The concerns about environmental issues are universal across the world. Apart from governmental initiatives, these problems must be addressed at the individual level. In the following essay, I will highlight some practical methods to reverse the detrimental impact our daily activities have on the environment.

One major culprit behind the deterioration of our environment is the overreliance on personal transportation. In Vietnam, almost every individual owns a motorcycle, and the carbon dioxide emissions from this mode of transport alone are primarily responsible for the alarming rate of air pollution in our country. Having acknowledged the adverse impact this vehicle has on public health and overall quality of life, many Vietnamese people are gravitating towards public transport for commuting and traveling in hopes of negating further negative repercussions. Other nations have also taken the lead in addressing environmental problems, such as Germany, where citizens utilize bicycles on a daily basis. Such an approach to mitigating pollution should be applied extensively, and each person must be extremely aware of the impact each short-distance commute has on the environment and choose the suitable means of transport.

Another cause of the depleted state of the environment is excessive consumption, and this habit must be changed. On a daily basis, tonnes of domestic waste are dumped into landfills and disposed of through other methods, thereby contaminating our environment with toxic residues on a large scale. Individuals should take the initiative to adopt alternatives for daily purchases as well as disposal methods. For example, we can buy from producers who use eco-friendly materials, replacing plastic bags with paper bags or even bringing our own cups to coffee shops, which makes a significant difference. It is essential to learn how to recycle plastic waste and utilize it by turning said waste into valuable everyday essentials.

In conclusion, it is crucial for individuals to recognize how their daily lives inflict lasting harm on the environment and make necessary changes to everyday activities to alleviate the worrying problem of environmental pollution.

Bài viết liên quan

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này