The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table given illustrates the data of the origins of the police budget and the pie chart depicts how the money was consumed in a particular region in Britain from 2017 to 2018.
Overall, it can be seen that there was a slight increase in the amount of money in total and every income factors. In addition, national government was the largest source investing to the budget; whereas, salaries for the members consisted of the highest figure for financial consumption.
In term of the table, the money from national government constituted more than a half of the total amount (304.7m in 2017 and 318.6m in 2018), which 175.5m in the former year and 177.8m in the later one. Similarly, local taxes made up one-third of the income after slightly rose from 91.2m to 102.3m. Besides, 10% of money came from other sources like grants also growth 0.5m in the later year (from 38m to 38.5m).
Regarding to pie charts, in 2017, people spent three-fourths of the money paying salaries for the officers and staffs, but spent less 6% in the next year. However, the amount of money spent for technology rose from 8% to 14%; whilst, the one for buildings and transport remained stable at 17%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "In term of the table" -> "Regarding the table"
   Explanation: "Regarding" is a more formal and appropriate term to introduce discussion about the data presented in the table.

2. "consumed" -> "allocated"
   Explanation: "Allocated" is a more precise term to describe the distribution of money in the given context, as it implies deliberate assignment rather than consumption.

3. "every income factors" -> "each source of income"
   Explanation: "Each source of income" accurately conveys the idea of different revenue streams contributing to the budget, whereas "every income factors" is grammatically incorrect and less precise.

4. "consisted of the highest figure for financial consumption" -> "accounted for the highest expenditure"
   Explanation: "Accounted for" is a more formal and precise term to describe the highest expenditure, whereas "consisted of the highest figure for financial consumption" is wordy and less clear.

5. "constituted" -> "comprised"
   Explanation: "Comprised" is a more sophisticated synonym for "constituted" and enhances the formal tone of the description.

6. "rose from" -> "increased to"
   Explanation: "Increased to" provides clearer information about the change in the values from one year to another compared to "rose from".

7. "after slightly rose" -> "after a slight rise"
   Explanation: "After a slight rise" maintains grammatical correctness and clarity compared to the incorrect phrase "after slightly rose".

8. "also growth" -> "also grew"
   Explanation: "Also grew" is the correct past tense form of the verb "to grow", whereas "also growth" is grammatically incorrect.

9. "regarding to" -> "with respect to"
   Explanation: "With respect to" is a more formal and precise phrase to introduce discussion about the pie charts.

10. "spent less 6%" -> "spent 6% less"
    Explanation: "Spent 6% less" is a grammatically correct way to express a decrease in expenditure compared to "spent less 6%".

11. "whilst" -> "while"
    Explanation: "While" is the more commonly used term in formal writing, whereas "whilst" is more common in British English and is less formal.

12. "remained stable at" -> "remained constant at"
    Explanation: "Remained constant at" provides a more precise description of the unchanged percentage over the two years.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the given data. It provides a clear overview of the origins of the police budget and how it was distributed across different categories from 2017 to 2018. Key features such as changes in income sources and expenditure categories are highlighted, albeit some details may be irrelevant or inaccurately reported.
How to improve: To improve, ensure that all details provided are relevant and accurate. Additionally, extend the discussion of key features to provide a more thorough analysis, avoiding irrelevant or repetitive information. Use more precise language and structure sentences for clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay presents information about the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in a particular region of Britain. It begins with an overview of the data presented in the table and charts. The essay demonstrates coherence by maintaining a logical progression, starting with an overall summary before delving into specific details from the table and charts. Paragraphing is utilized, though some improvements could be made in terms of logical organization within paragraphs.

The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas and information. For example, it uses transitional phrases like "Overall," and "In terms of," to guide the reader through the analysis. However, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be strengthened. Some sentences feel disjointed, which impacts the overall coherence.

The central topic of each paragraph is clear, focusing on either the table data or the pie charts. However, paragraphing could be more logically structured to enhance coherence further. Additionally, referencing and substitution could be clearer to avoid repetition and improve overall cohesion.

How to improve:

1. Ensure a more logical organization within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
2. Strengthen cohesion within and between sentences by using cohesive devices more consistently and effectively.
3. Improve referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
4. Review paragraphing to ensure it follows a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary evident. The writer effectively conveys the main features of the data using varied lexical items. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, which occasionally affect clarity. Additionally, there are errors in word formation and spelling, but they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and collocation to ensure precision and clarity. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors would also improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, strive to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary to add depth and sophistication to the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering the required information. It effectively describes the main features of the table and charts, discussing the origins of the police budget and how it was distributed. There is some variety in sentence structures, and the essay generally communicates the information clearly. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which occasionally affect clarity.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical accuracy and range, focus on refining sentence structures and grammar usage. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper punctuation. Additionally, strive for greater coherence and cohesion in connecting ideas and sentences to enhance overall clarity and readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data delineates the breakdown of the police budget’s origins and expenditures in a specific region of Britain across 2017 and 2018. Overall, a marginal uptick in both total budget and its constituent sources is apparent. Notably, the national government emerges as the primary contributor, while salaries for personnel represent the largest allocation of funds.

Examining the table, it’s evident that the national government’s contribution comprised over half of the total budget, escalating from £304.7 million in 2017 to £318.6 million in 2018. Within this allocation, £175.5 million and £177.8 million were respectively provided in the two years. Similarly, revenue from local taxes witnessed an increase, constituting around one-third of the income, rising from £91.2 million to £102.3 million. Additionally, funds from other sources, including grants, experienced a slight growth of £0.5 million, reaching £38.5 million in 2018.

Turning to the pie charts, in 2017, a significant portion, approximately three-fourths of the budget, was allocated to salaries for officers and staff, which decreased by 6% in 2018. Conversely, expenditure on technology saw a notable surge, rising from 8% to 14%. Meanwhile, allocations for buildings and transport remained steady at 17%.

In summary, the data elucidates a nuanced shift in the distribution of police budget funds, marked by fluctuations in both revenue sources and expenditure categories across the two years.