The table and the bar chart below give information about travelling to work in Houston, Texas.

The table and the bar chart describe the number of people travelling to work by many different types of means and their average age, the amount of CO2 emissions they emit when used.
The percentage of commuters who use each form of transport. The highest is the car with a driver only with 48 percent. The second highest is the public transport, around 11 percent and 37 percent. Finally, cyclist or walker is the least, because it have only 4 percent. The highest average age of travellers is by train and bus, which 47 percent of they use. Two modes of transport, which have the equal number of users, are one person car and share car, around 43. The youngest age is people using cycle or walking, approximately 39 years old.
Car users have the highest CO2 emissions, over 0.32. Conversely, the form of transport cause little and no pollution is by train and bus or cyclists and pedestrians, with nearly 0.01. The next means also emits quite a bit of CO2 is share car, about 0.07.
Generally, cars with just the driver are the most common means of transport to work and cause pollution more than all the other means of transport combined.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The table and the bar chart" -> "The table and the bar graph"
Explanation: "Bar chart" is less commonly used in academic writing; "bar graph" is the more standard term in formal contexts.
"many different types of means" -> "various modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Various modes of transportation" is more specific and academically appropriate than "many different types of means," which is vague and awkwardly phrased.
"the amount of CO2 emissions they emit when used" -> "the CO2 emissions generated by their use"
Explanation: "Generated by their use" is more precise and formal, improving the clarity and academic tone of the sentence.
"The percentage of commuters who use each form of transport" -> "The proportion of commuters utilizing each mode of transportation"
Explanation: "Proportion" is more precise than "percentage" in this context, and "utilizing" is more formal than "use."
"with a driver only" -> "with a driver"
Explanation: The phrase "with a driver only" is redundant; "with a driver" is sufficient and more concise.
"because it have only" -> "because it has only"
Explanation: "It" should be "it has" to maintain grammatical correctness and subject-verb agreement.
"The highest average age of travellers is by train and bus, which 47 percent of they use." -> "The highest average age of travelers is among those using trains and buses, at 47 percent."
Explanation: "Among those using trains and buses" clarifies the relationship between the mode of transport and the age, and "at 47 percent" is more precise than "which 47 percent of they use."
"Two modes of transport, which have the equal number of users, are one person car and share car, around 43." -> "Two modes of transportation with equal user numbers are the one-person car and the shared car, at approximately 43 percent."
Explanation: "The one-person car and the shared car" is clearer and more formal than "one person car and share car," and "at approximately 43 percent" is more precise than "around 43."
"people using cycle or walking, approximately 39 years old" -> "cyclists and pedestrians, approximately 39 years old"
Explanation: "Cyclists and pedestrians" is more specific and formal than "people using cycle or walking."
"Car users have the highest CO2 emissions, over 0.32." -> "Car users emit the highest levels of CO2, exceeding 0.32."
Explanation: "Emit the highest levels of CO2" is more precise and formal than "have the highest CO2 emissions," and "exceeding" is more specific than "over."
"The next means also emits quite a bit of CO2 is share car, about 0.07." -> "The next mode of transportation, the shared car, also emits significant levels of CO2, approximately 0.07."
Explanation: "The next mode of transportation, the shared car" is clearer and more formal than "The next means also emits quite a bit of CO2 is share car," and "significant levels of CO2" is more precise than "quite a bit of CO2."
"cars with just the driver are the most common means of transport to work and cause pollution more than all the other means of transport combined" -> "cars with a single driver are the most prevalent mode of transportation to work, emitting more pollution than all other modes combined"
Explanation: "Most prevalent" is more formal than "most common," and "emitting more pollution than all other modes combined" is a clearer and more academic way to express the comparison.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the information in the table and bar chart. The essay also recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. For example, the essay states that "The highest is the car with a driver only with 48 percent. The second highest is the public transport, around 11 percent and 37 percent." This is not a clear overview of the information in the table. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. For example, the essay states that "The highest average age of travellers is by train and bus, which 47 percent of they use." This is not a clear and accurate statement about the information in the table.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by presenting a clear overview of the information in the table and bar chart. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than recounting detail mechanically. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay should not state that "The highest average age of travellers is by train and bus, which 47 percent of they use." Instead, the essay should state that "The highest average age of travellers is by train and bus, with an average age of 47 years old."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the data, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument clearly. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion in the relationships between ideas. For example, phrases like "the highest is the car with a driver only" lack clarity and coherence. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the ideas do not flow logically from one to the next, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on logically organizing the information and ensuring a clear progression of ideas. This can be achieved by using appropriate cohesive devices more effectively and avoiding repetition. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, and transitions between ideas should be smoother. Additionally, improving the clarity of expressions and ensuring that all statements are accurate and relevant to the data presented will help strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the table and bar chart, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the form of transport cause little and no pollution" instead of "the forms of transport that cause little or no pollution." Additionally, there are several grammatical errors, such as "it have only 4 percent" instead of "it has only 4 percent." These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring correct collocation would improve clarity and sophistication. Additionally, focusing on grammatical accuracy and avoiding repetitive phrases would strengthen the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more compelling and effective presentation of the data.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors (e.g., "it have" instead of "it has," "which have the equal number" instead of "which have an equal number") detract from clarity and can cause difficulty for the reader. Punctuation is also inconsistent, affecting the overall readability of the essay. The presence of these errors indicates that the writer has not achieved a good level of control over grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a greater mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of structures.
Review Subject-Verb Agreement: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement to avoid errors like "it have" and ensure correct forms are used.
Practice Punctuation: Improve punctuation skills to enhance clarity and flow, ensuring that sentences are correctly punctuated.
Proofreading: Develop a habit of proofreading to catch and correct errors before finalizing the essay, which can help reduce the frequency of mistakes.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table and the bar chart describe the number of people travelling to work by various means of transport, their average age, and the amount of CO2 emissions produced by each mode. The percentage of commuters who use each form of transport is presented, with cars driven by a single occupant being the most common at 48 percent. Public transport follows, accounting for around 37 percent, while cyclists and walkers represent the least common group, with only 4 percent. The highest average age of travellers is associated with train and bus users, who make up 47 percent of the total. Two modes of transport, the one-person car and the shared car, have an equal number of users, approximately 43 percent each. The youngest average age is found among those who cycle or walk, at around 39 years old.

Car users generate the highest CO2 emissions, exceeding 0.32 kg per commuter. In contrast, the forms of transport that cause little to no pollution are trains and buses, as well as cyclists and pedestrians, with emissions of nearly 0.01 kg. The next highest emissions come from shared cars, which emit about 0.07 kg of CO2.

Overall, cars with just the driver are the most common means of transport to work and produce more pollution than all the other modes of transport combined.