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The table below gives information about population in Australia and Malaysia in 1980 and 2002. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below gives information about population in Australia and Malaysia in 1980 and 2002.
Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table provides an insight into populative data analysis in Australia and Malaysia in 1980 and 2002.

Overall what stands out from the chart is that in 1980, the total population is Australia is higher than that of Malaysia. However, in 2002, there were more people in Malaysia than Australia. Additionally, there are more women in Australia while the opposite was true for Malaysia.

In 1980, the total population stood at 14.7 millions and rised dramatically to 19.6. Simultaneously, the figure of Malaysia approximately doubled from 13.7 to 24.3 millions. Regarding to the percentage of female population, in Australia, it accounted for 50.1% and stayed unchanged, which was a negligible higher than Male population proportion, in the next 22 years. On the contrary, there were more men in Malaysia during 22-year period.

Looking at the birth rate percentage, both countries Australia and Malaysia witnessed a decrease which were is to 1.3 for the former and 3.2 to 2.2 for the latter. It experienced a distinct difference in the statistic of trends of two nations. For Australia, it increased sharply from 1.2 to 1.3 while in Malaysia, it decrease from 2.4 to 2.1. Moreover, both countries witnessed an increase in their elder people. However, the figure of Australia was threefold higher than that of Malaysia during the period.


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  1. "provides an insight into populative data analysis" -> "presents an analysis of population data"
    Explanation: "Provides an insight into" is overly informal and vague. "Presents an analysis of" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.

  2. "the total population is Australia is higher" -> "the total population in Australia is higher"
    Explanation: The preposition "in" is necessary to indicate the location of the population, improving grammatical accuracy.

  3. "there were more people in Malaysia than Australia" -> "there were more people in Malaysia than in Australia"
    Explanation: The addition of "in" before "Australia" clarifies the comparison and maintains parallel structure.

  4. "the opposite was true for Malaysia" -> "the opposite was true for Malaysia"
    Explanation: This phrase is acceptable, but it could be more precise. Consider rephrasing to "the reverse was observed in Malaysia" for clarity and formality.

  5. "stood at 14.7 millions" -> "stood at 14.7 million"
    Explanation: The term "million" should not be pluralized when used with a specific number, improving grammatical accuracy.

  6. "rised dramatically" -> "rose dramatically"
    Explanation: "Rised" is a nonstandard form; "rose" is the correct past tense of "rise," enhancing grammatical correctness.

  7. "approximately doubled from 13.7 to 24.3 millions" -> "approximately doubled from 13.7 million to 24.3 million"
    Explanation: Similar to the previous point, "million" should not be pluralized when used with specific numbers, ensuring grammatical precision.

  8. "Regarding to the percentage of female population" -> "Regarding the percentage of the female population"
    Explanation: The phrase "regarding to" is incorrect; "regarding" alone suffices, and adding "the" before "female population" improves specificity.

  9. "which was a negligible higher than Male population proportion" -> "which was negligibly higher than the male population proportion"
    Explanation: "Negligible" should be used as an adverb here, and "the" is necessary for specificity. Additionally, "Male" should be lowercase.

  10. "there were more men in Malaysia during 22-year period" -> "there were more men in Malaysia during the 22-year period"
    Explanation: The addition of "the" before "22-year period" improves clarity and grammatical accuracy.

  11. "both countries Australia and Malaysia witnessed a decrease which were is to 1.3 for the former and 3.2 to 2.2 for the latter" -> "both countries, Australia and Malaysia, witnessed a decrease, which was to 1.3 for the former and from 3.2 to 2.2 for the latter"
    Explanation: Commas are needed for clarity, and "were is" is a grammatical error; "was" is the correct form. Additionally, "from" clarifies the change in figures.

  12. "It experienced a distinct difference in the statistic of trends of two nations" -> "There was a distinct difference in the statistical trends of the two nations"
    Explanation: "It experienced" is vague; "there was" is clearer. "Statistic of trends" is awkward; "statistical trends" is more precise.

  13. "for Australia, it increased sharply from 1.2 to 1.3 while in Malaysia, it decrease from 2.4 to 2.1" -> "for Australia, it increased sharply from 1.2 to 1.3, while in Malaysia, it decreased from 2.4 to 2.1"
    Explanation: "Decrease" should be "decreased" for grammatical accuracy, and a comma before "while" improves sentence flow.

  14. "both countries witnessed an increase in their elder people" -> "both countries witnessed an increase in their elderly populations"
    Explanation: "Elder people" is informal; "elderly populations" is more precise and aligns with academic language.

  15. "the figure of Australia was threefold higher than that of Malaysia during the period" -> "the figure for Australia was three times higher than that for Malaysia during the period"
    Explanation: "Threefold" is less common in academic writing; "three times" is clearer and more straightforward. "Figure for" is more precise than "figure of."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the table. The essay highlights some key features, such as the increase in population in both countries and the decrease in birth rate. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the female population in Australia stayed unchanged, but the table shows that it increased slightly.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the key features and by avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate information. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the increase in population in both countries and the reasons for the decrease in birth rate. The essay could also provide more specific examples to support its claims.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to summarize the population data, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is present but often inadequate or inaccurate, which affects the overall coherence. For instance, phrases like "which was a negligible higher" are awkwardly constructed and detract from clarity. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent, with some ideas not being clearly separated into distinct paragraphs, which can confuse the reader.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas more logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly and avoiding repetition. Clear topic sentences for each paragraph would help in presenting a central idea effectively. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity in phrasing would significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "populative data analysis," "rised," and "negligible higher," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the figure of Malaysia approximately doubled" lacks clarity and could be expressed more effectively. Overall, the lexical resource does not meet the criteria for higher bands due to these limitations.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and incorporate less common lexical items with greater accuracy. Focusing on precise word choices and avoiding repetition will help convey ideas more clearly. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will improve overall clarity and coherence. Expanding vocabulary through reading and practice can also aid in achieving a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, such as "is Australia" instead of "in Australia," "rised" instead of "rose," and issues with subject-verb agreement. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the content clearly. The punctuation is also inconsistent, which further affects the clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences accurately. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct grammatical errors and improve punctuation will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied grammatical forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement will also contribute to a more polished and error-free essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table provides insight into population data in Australia and Malaysia for the years 1980 and 2002.

Overall, what stands out from the chart is that in 1980, the total population in Australia was higher than that of Malaysia. However, by 2002, Malaysia had surpassed Australia in terms of population. Additionally, there were more women in Australia, while the opposite was true for Malaysia.

In 1980, the total population in Australia stood at 14.7 million and rose dramatically to 19.6 million by 2002. In contrast, Malaysia’s population approximately doubled from 13.7 million to 24.3 million during the same period. Regarding the percentage of the female population, in Australia, it accounted for 50.1% and remained unchanged, which was a negligible increase compared to the male population proportion over the next 22 years. On the contrary, there were more men than women in Malaysia throughout this 22-year period.

Examining the birth rate percentages, both Australia and Malaysia experienced a decrease, with Australia’s rate falling to 1.3 and Malaysia’s declining from 3.2 to 2.2. There was a distinct difference in the trends between the two nations. For Australia, the birth rate increased slightly from 1.2 to 1.3, while in Malaysia, it decreased from 2.4 to 2.1. Moreover, both countries witnessed an increase in their elderly populations; however, the figure for Australia was three times higher than that of Malaysia during this period.

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