The table below illustrates how much money a single person and a couple in Australia need for a comfortable lifestyle after they retire.

The table presents information about expenditure, which is necessary for individual and a couple to have a pleasant lifestyle after retirement in Australia, across seven main categories.
Overall, there are many significant differences in the number between a single person and a couple. Housing accounted for the highest proportion across all categories of a retired single person, while in a retired couple the highest proportion is spent for leisure.
In a retired single person, there are four sectors accounted for the most expensive expenditure, including housing, leisure, health and transport as a couple retired. Individual spent the most on housing, averaging $184, followed by leisure at $140. Health and transport expenditures were $122 and $107, respectively. Similarly, a retired couple had a slight difference in the disparity in number. Leisure costs were the highest at $202, with housing expenses slightly lower at $194. Health and transport costs were $177 and $108, respectively.
In contrast, there are three sectors accounting for the lowest expenditure of a retired single person, which is outstanding disparity between two columns. While food costs were the highest at $50, clothing higher than others $7 with expenditures at $44. On the other hand, about a couple food were also the highest at $100, with clothing and others at $80 and $70, respectively. Finally, the total shows the most clearly expenditures necessary for an affluent lifestyle after retirement were $684 of a person and $931 of a couple.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"necessary for individual and a couple" -> "necessary for individuals and couples"
Explanation: Using "individuals and couples" instead of "individual and a couple" corrects the grammatical error and maintains consistency in plural form, enhancing the formal tone of the text.
"pleasant lifestyle" -> "comfortable lifestyle"
Explanation: "Comfortable lifestyle" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "pleasant lifestyle," which can be seen as overly subjective and informal.
"are many significant differences in the number" -> "there are significant differences in the amounts"
Explanation: "There are significant differences in the amounts" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "number" which could refer to anything.
"across all categories of a retired single person" -> "across all categories for a retired single person"
Explanation: The phrase "for a retired single person" is more grammatically correct and clearer than "across all categories of a retired single person."
"the highest proportion is spent for leisure" -> "the highest proportion is allocated to leisure"
Explanation: "Allocated to" is more precise and formal than "spent for," which is somewhat informal and imprecise in this context.
"Individual spent the most on housing" -> "Individuals spent the most on housing"
Explanation: The subject "Individual" should be plural to match the plural verb "spent," and to maintain grammatical consistency.
"slight difference in the disparity in number" -> "slight disparity in the numbers"
Explanation: "Disparity in the numbers" is more concise and clearer than "difference in the disparity in number," which is awkwardly phrased.
"outstanding disparity between two columns" -> "significant disparity between the two columns"
Explanation: "Significant" is more appropriate and formal than "outstanding," which can imply something exceptional or remarkable in a less formal context.
"food costs were the highest at $50" -> "food costs were the highest, at $50"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "highest" improves the sentence structure and readability, aligning with formal writing standards.
"clothing higher than others $7 with expenditures at $44" -> "clothing, at $7, and expenditures at $44"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and adds a comma for proper punctuation, enhancing readability and formality.
"about a couple food" -> "for a couple, food"
Explanation: "For a couple, food" corrects the awkward and unclear phrase "about a couple food," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"the most clearly expenditures necessary" -> "clearly indicates the necessary expenditures"
Explanation: "Clearly indicates the necessary expenditures" is more grammatically correct and formal than "the most clearly expenditures necessary," which is awkward and grammatically incorrect.
"of a person and $931 of a couple" -> "for an individual and $931 for a couple"
Explanation: Using "for an individual and $931 for a couple" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains consistency in prepositional usage, enhancing the formal tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the table. It identifies the key features of the data, such as the highest and lowest expenditure categories for both single people and couples. However, the essay does not provide a clear and concise overview of the main trends or differences in the data. For example, it states that there are "many significant differences" but does not elaborate on these differences. Additionally, the essay includes some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "there are three sectors accounting for the lowest expenditure of a retired single person, which is outstanding disparity between two columns." This statement is not relevant to the task and does not contribute to the overall understanding of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the data. For example, the essay could state that the highest expenditure category for single people is housing, while the highest expenditure category for couples is leisure. The essay could also highlight the fact that the total expenditure for couples is significantly higher than the total expenditure for single people. Additionally, the essay should avoid including irrelevant details. The focus should be on presenting a clear and concise overview of the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the expenditures of a single person and a couple, the structure is somewhat unclear, and the flow of ideas is disrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to repetition and confusion. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer organization of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Improving the use of cohesive devices by varying them and ensuring they accurately reflect the relationships between ideas would also help. Additionally, refining sentence structure and grammar will aid in creating a smoother flow of information. Finally, logical paragraphing should be prioritized, with clear topic sentences and supporting details that align with the main idea of each section.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about expenditure categories, the vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "accounted for the highest proportion" and "a couple retired," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors, such as "higher than others $7" and "about a couple food," detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and varied terms related to financial expenditure and retirement. Avoiding repetition and using synonyms can improve the richness of the language. Furthermore, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors will help ensure that the message is conveyed clearly and effectively. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and uncommon lexical items can also elevate the essay’s sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentence forms with some attempts at complex sentences. While the writer conveys the main ideas and comparisons between the expenditures of a single person and a couple, frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "accounted for the highest proportion across all categories of a retired single person" and "there are four sectors accounted for the most expensive expenditure" are convoluted and lead to confusion. Additionally, errors in subject-verb agreement and punctuation are present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with appropriate conjunctions and clauses. It is also essential to proofread for grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence will help in producing more error-free sentences. Engaging with model essays can provide insights into effective sentence construction and varied grammatical usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table presents information about the expenditure necessary for an individual and a couple to maintain a comfortable lifestyle after retirement in Australia, across seven main categories. Overall, there are significant differences in the amounts spent by a single person compared to a couple. Housing accounted for the highest proportion of expenses for a retired single person, while leisure represented the largest expense for a retired couple.

For a retired single person, four categories accounted for the most substantial expenditures: housing, leisure, health, and transport. An individual spent the most on housing, averaging $184, followed by leisure at $140. Health and transport expenditures were $122 and $107, respectively. Similarly, a retired couple exhibited slight differences in their spending patterns. Leisure costs were the highest at $202, with housing expenses slightly lower at $194. Health and transport costs were $177 and $108, respectively.

In contrast, three categories accounted for the lowest expenditures for a retired single person, highlighting a notable disparity between the two columns. Food costs were the highest at $50, while clothing expenditures were at $44, which was higher than others at $7. On the other hand, for a couple, food expenses were also the highest at $100, with clothing and other expenditures at $80 and $70, respectively. Finally, the total expenditures necessary for an affluent lifestyle after retirement were $684 for an individual and $931 for a couple.