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The table below illustrates weekly consumption by age group of dairy products in a European country .

The table below illustrates weekly consumption by age group of dairy products in a European country .

The table gives information about the amount of milk and butter consumption bt age groups every week in a European country . Overall , as people become older , they consume more amount of milk . Meanwhile , ages 45 to 65 have the highest consumption of butter . In terms of milk consumption , the youngest age group consume the least with only 1200ml while the elderly have the highest consumption of milk which is 1900ml . Ages under 25 consume more full fat than low fat , but the remaining ages groups prefer more low fat is 55 to 80 percent . Regarding the intake of butter , the amount of consumption in ages 45 to 60 is almost as much as the other three age groups combined . The preference of full fat and low fat in 2 oldest groups are nearly equal to 50 ; moreover , age under 25 prefer full fat approximately the same the preference of low fat in age 25 to 45 about 61 .


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The table gives information about the amount of milk and butter consumption bt age groups every week in a European country" -> "The table presents data on milk and butter consumption by age groups weekly in a European country"
    Explanation: Replacing "gives information about" with "presents data on" enhances the formality and specificity of the language. "By" is the correct preposition for indicating the relationship between the data and the groups, and "weekly" is more precise than "every week."

  2. "as people become older, they consume more amount of milk" -> "as individuals age, they consume greater amounts of milk"
    Explanation: "As individuals age" is a more formal and precise way to describe the progression of age. "Greater amounts" is grammatically correct and avoids the awkward "more amount."

  3. "ages 45 to 65 have the highest consumption of butter" -> "individuals in the 45-65 age range exhibit the highest butter consumption"
    Explanation: "Individuals in the 45-65 age range" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the age group, and "exhibit" is more academically appropriate than "have."

  4. "the youngest age group consume the least with only 1200ml" -> "the youngest age group consumes the least, with only 1200ml"
    Explanation: Adding a comma after "least" improves the sentence structure, and changing "consume" to the singular "consumes" matches the singular subject "group."

  5. "the elderly have the highest consumption of milk which is 1900ml" -> "the elderly exhibit the highest milk consumption, amounting to 1900ml"
    Explanation: "Exhibit" is more formal than "have," and "amounting to" is a more precise phrase than "which is."

  6. "Ages under 25 consume more full fat than low fat" -> "Individuals under 25 consume more full-fat than low-fat products"
    Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "Ages," and "full-fat" and "low-fat products" are the correct terms for describing types of milk.

  7. "but the remaining ages groups prefer more low fat is 55 to 80 percent" -> "however, the remaining age groups prefer low-fat products at a rate of 55 to 80 percent"
    Explanation: "However" is a more formal transitional phrase than "but," and "at a rate of" is clearer and more precise than "is."

  8. "Regarding the intake of butter, the amount of consumption in ages 45 to 60 is almost as much as the other three age groups combined" -> "Regarding butter intake, the consumption in the 45-60 age group is nearly as high as that of the other three age groups combined"
    Explanation: "Regarding butter intake" is more concise and formal, and "nearly as high as that of" is more precise and formal than "almost as much as."

  9. "The preference of full fat and low fat in 2 oldest groups are nearly equal to 50 ; moreover, age under 25 prefer full fat approximately the same the preference of low fat in age 25 to 45 about 61" -> "The preference for full-fat and low-fat products in the two oldest groups is nearly equal at 50 percent; additionally, individuals under 25 prefer full-fat products at a rate similar to that of low-fat products in the 25-45 age group, which is approximately 61 percent"
    Explanation: "The preference for" is more formal than "The preference of," and "nearly equal at 50 percent" is grammatically correct. "Additionally" is a more formal transition than "moreover," and "at a rate similar to that of" is clearer and more precise than "approximately the same."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task and provides some information about the data. However, the overview is not clear and the essay recounts details mechanically with no clear overview. The essay also presents some key features but inadequately covers them. For example, the essay states that "the youngest age group consume the least with only 1200ml while the elderly have the highest consumption of milk which is 1900ml" but does not provide any further information about the consumption of milk in the other age groups.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the data and by presenting the key features in a more comprehensive way. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the data, such as the percentage of full fat and low fat milk consumed by each age group.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to convey the main points regarding dairy consumption by age group, the ideas are not clearly linked, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between the ideas presented. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as there are no clear separations between different ideas or themes.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on clearly organizing information into distinct paragraphs, each with a central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that comparisons and contrasts are clearly articulated will improve the overall flow and clarity of the essay. Finally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also contribute to a more coherent presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about dairy consumption, the vocabulary used is basic and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "consume more amount of milk" and "the preference of full fat and low fat in 2 oldest groups are nearly equal to 50." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, there are spelling errors (e.g., "bt" instead of "by") and issues with word formation that detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey precise meanings. This can be achieved by incorporating synonyms and varied expressions related to dairy consumption. Additionally, attention should be paid to collocation and word choice to ensure accuracy. Proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will also help improve clarity and coherence in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with occasional attempts at complexity. While the writer attempts to convey information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder communication. For example, phrases like "consume more amount of milk" and "the preference of full fat and low fat in 2 oldest groups are nearly equal to 50" are not grammatically correct and can confuse the reader. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation and sentence structure that detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve: To improve the band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences with accurate grammar. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and clearer phrasing will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring that sentences are logically structured will help improve clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table provides information about the weekly consumption of milk and butter by age groups in a European country. Overall, as people age, they tend to consume more milk. Meanwhile, individuals aged 45 to 65 have the highest consumption of butter.

In terms of milk consumption, the youngest age group consumes the least, with only 1200 ml, while the elderly have the highest consumption of milk at 1900 ml. Those under 25 consume more full-fat milk than low-fat, whereas the remaining age groups prefer low-fat milk, with a preference ranging from 55% to 80%.

Regarding butter intake, the consumption amount for the 45 to 60 age group is almost equal to the combined consumption of the other three age groups. The preference for full-fat and low-fat butter in the two oldest groups is nearly equal, at around 50%. Furthermore, those under 25 prefer full-fat butter, which is approximately the same as the preference for low-fat butter among the 25 to 45 age group, which is about 61%.

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