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The table below shows daily oil production in 4 countries from 2000 to 2004.

The table below shows daily oil production in 4 countries from 2000 to 2004.

The provided table illustrates the amount of oil produced every single day in four particular countries, namely Nigeria, Chad,Congo and Somalia over a span of 4 years, starting from 2000.
In examining the overall perspective, it is apparent from the table that Congo held the lion’s share over 5 years, followed by the others. Moreover, the quantity of oil production witnessed increases for Somalia and Chad while the opposite occurred for the Congo.
Turning attention to the remarkably developing oil countries, Congo started at 275,000 per day in 2000 and dropped regularly every following year then – it fell by 72,000 to reach an amount of only 203,000 in 2004. Meanwhile, Chad’s oil yield was not manufactured for the first 3 years before initially producing 8,000 a day in 2003, and its production suddenly jumped up to 50,000 a year later. Similarly, the figure in Somalia also increased gradually from 5,000 in 2000 to reach 21,000 in 2004 and finally doubled to 50,000 in 2004.
On the other hand, no obvious trend was recorded in Nigeria, as its oil output fluctuated over the course. Specifically, it first displayed a negligible decrease from 205,000 to 190,000 between 2000 and 2002, to recover again to 213,000 on a daily basis in 2004, simultaneously overtook Congo to rank first at that moment.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "every single day" -> "on a daily basis"
    Explanation: Replacing "every single day" with "on a daily basis" is a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the sophistication of the language used in describing the frequency of oil production.

  2. "Congo held the lion’s share" -> "Congo dominated the share"
    Explanation: The phrase "Congo held the lion’s share" is a common expression, but substituting it with "Congo dominated the share" adds variety and a slightly more sophisticated tone to the description of Congo’s significant share of oil production.

  3. "witnessed increases" -> "experienced growth"
    Explanation: Replacing "witnessed increases" with "experienced growth" provides a more nuanced and formal way of conveying the idea that the quantity of oil production increased for Somalia and Chad.

  4. "oil yield was not manufactured" -> "oil yield was not recorded"
    Explanation: The term "manufactured" is not suitable in the context of oil yield. Replacing it with "oil yield was not recorded" is more accurate and appropriate, conveying the absence of data for the initial years of Chad’s oil production.

  5. "its production suddenly jumped up" -> "experienced a sudden surge in production"
    Explanation: Substituting "its production suddenly jumped up" with "experienced a sudden surge in production" introduces a more refined and formal expression, capturing the abrupt increase in Chad’s oil production.

  6. "the figure in Somalia" -> "Somalia’s figures"
    Explanation: Using "Somalia’s figures" instead of "the figure in Somalia" adds clarity and precision, referring explicitly to the numerical data related to Somalia’s oil production.

  7. "oil output fluctuated over the course" -> "oil output exhibited fluctuations throughout the period"
    Explanation: Replacing "oil output fluctuated over the course" with "oil output exhibited fluctuations throughout the period" provides a more detailed and formal description of the variability in Nigeria’s oil production.

  8. "negligible decrease" -> "marginal decline"
    Explanation: Substituting "negligible decrease" with "marginal decline" imparts a more precise and sophisticated characterization of the slight reduction in Nigeria’s oil output.

  9. "simultaneously overtook" -> "simultaneously surpassed"
    Explanation: While "simultaneously overtook" is grammatically correct, using "simultaneously surpassed" offers a more polished and varied expression to convey Nigeria surpassing Congo in oil production.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the daily oil production in four countries over a 4-year period. Key features and trends are identified and presented. The essay demonstrates an understanding of the data, with clear descriptions of the changes in oil production for each country.

How to improve:
While the essay covers the main trends, differences, and stages, it could benefit from more depth in the analysis. Some details lack clarity, and there are instances where the explanation could be more fully extended. Additionally, a more structured and organized presentation of information would enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Ensure that details are accurate, relevant, and appropriately connected to the main points to strengthen the overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. There is effective use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases, contributing to overall coherence. The essay also presents a clear central topic within each paragraph, enhancing the cohesion. However, there are instances of slightly awkward phrasing and some sentences could be more smoothly connected.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, pay attention to sentence transitions and ensure a smoother flow between ideas. While the overall organization is sound, careful attention to the clarity of expression can elevate the essay. Consider refining some sentence structures for more effective communication of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, employing a varied range of terms to describe the data. The use of phrases like "the lion’s share," "witnessed increases," and "manufactured for the first 3 years" showcases a reasonably sophisticated vocabulary. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with awareness of style and collocation. Some minor errors in word choice and collocation, such as "Chad’s oil yield was not manufactured," could be refined for greater accuracy. Overall, the vocabulary allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource further, strive for more precise word choices and refine the usage of less common lexical items. For instance, instead of "manufactured," consider terms like "recorded" or "reported." Additionally, proofread to correct occasional errors in word choice and collocation, ensuring that sentences flow smoothly without disrupting the reader’s understanding. Keep building on the existing variety of vocabulary to strengthen the overall lexical richness of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. It effectively uses a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and varied sentence forms. There are frequent error-free sentences, contributing to a generally clear and coherent communication. The essay showcases good control of grammar and punctuation, but there are a few errors present. For instance, in the sentence "Congo held the lion’s share over 5 years, followed by the others," a preposition is missing after "over," and it could be improved for better clarity.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to prepositions and ensure they are used appropriately. In the mentioned sentence, adding a preposition after "over" would improve precision. Additionally, reviewing sentence structures for minor errors, like punctuation, can further refine the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table delineates the daily oil production in four distinct countries—Nigeria, Chad, Congo, and Somalia—spanning the years 2000 to 2004.

Introduction:
The table provides a comprehensive overview of the daily oil production in Nigeria, Chad, Congo, and Somalia from 2000 to 2004.

Overview:
Upon a holistic examination, it is evident that Congo dominated the oil production for the entire period, surpassing the other three countries. Notably, Somalia and Chad experienced an upward trajectory in oil production, while Congo exhibited a consistent decline.

Detailed Paragraphs:

  • Congo:
    Congo, initially boasting a daily oil production of 275,000 barrels in 2000, witnessed a steady decline in subsequent years. The output dropped by 72,000 barrels, reaching a mere 203,000 barrels per day by 2004.

  • Chad:
    Chad, in contrast, did not contribute to oil production for the first three years. However, in 2003, it commenced production at 8,000 barrels per day, experiencing a remarkable surge to 50,000 barrels per day in the following year.

  • Somalia:
    Similarly, Somalia exhibited a gradual increase in oil production from 5,000 barrels per day in 2000 to 21,000 barrels per day in 2004. Notably, there was a substantial doubling of production from 2002 to 2004, reaching 50,000 barrels per day.

  • Nigeria:
    Conversely, Nigeria’s oil production demonstrated no distinct trend, fluctuating over the observed period. Initially experiencing a marginal decrease from 205,000 to 190,000 barrels per day between 2000 and 2002, Nigeria recovered to reach 213,000 barrels per day in 2004, surpassing Congo to secure the top position.

In conclusion, the table underscores the dynamic nature of daily oil production in the respective countries, with Congo leading initially but facing a consistent decline, while Chad and Somalia showcased substantial growth. Nigeria, in contrast, displayed fluctuations but ultimately reclaimed the top position by 2004.

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