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The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of time spent by people without jobs last year. In overall, while unemployed women spent most of their time on doing housework, their counterparts allocate most of their time for job hunting.
In the morning, women without job spent half of their time doing housework, 2.5 times more than men. Unemployed men showed preference for gardening, compared to only 2% of women. Both genders spent the same amount of time on staying in bed and doing nothing or sitting around with 8% and 3%, respectively.
Time allocation changed drastically in the afternoon with both genders watching TV more with 14% for male and 12% for female. In contrast, job hunting winessed a dramatic decline from 22% to 12% for man and 16% to 13% for woman. Although man allocate the same time share for decorating (7%) and playing sport (4%), that of women both slightly went down by 1% to 2% and 0%.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In overall" -> "Overall"
    Explanation: "In overall" is an incorrect phrase; "Overall" is the appropriate term to introduce a summary or general observation.

  2. "without job" -> "unemployed"
    Explanation: "Without job" is an informal and awkward phrasing. "Unemployed" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.

  3. "allocate most of their time for job hunting" -> "allocate most of their time to job hunting"
    Explanation: The preposition "to" is the correct choice in this context, as it indicates the direction of the allocation.

  4. "women without job spent half of their time doing housework" -> "unemployed women spent half of their time on housework"
    Explanation: This change maintains clarity and formality, using "on" instead of "doing" to enhance precision.

  5. "showed preference for gardening" -> "demonstrated a preference for gardening"
    Explanation: "Demonstrated" is a more formal and precise verb that conveys the idea of showing preference in an academic context.

  6. "compared to only 2% of women" -> "in contrast to only 2% of women"
    Explanation: "In contrast to" is a more formal phrase that better indicates the comparison being made.

  7. "on staying in bed and doing nothing or sitting around" -> "in staying in bed and engaging in inactivity"
    Explanation: "Engaging in inactivity" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action, avoiding informal language like "doing nothing" or "sitting around."

  8. "changed drastically" -> "changed significantly"
    Explanation: "Changed significantly" is a more formal expression that maintains the intended meaning without the emotional connotation of "drastically."

  9. "watching TV more with 14% for male and 12% for female" -> "watching TV more, with 14% for males and 12% for females"
    Explanation: The plural forms "males" and "females" are more appropriate in an academic context, and the comma improves clarity.

  10. "job hunting winessed a dramatic decline" -> "job hunting experienced a significant decline"
    Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal verb than "witnessed," and "significant" is a more precise term than "dramatic," which can imply an emotional response.

  11. "for man and 16% to 13% for woman" -> "for males and 16% to 13% for females"
    Explanation: The plural forms "males" and "females" are more appropriate in an academic context, ensuring consistency in terminology.

  12. "man allocate the same time share for decorating" -> "males allocate the same time share to decorating"
    Explanation: "Males" is the correct plural form, and "to" is the appropriate preposition to indicate the direction of the allocation.

  13. "that of women both slightly went down by 1% to 2% and 0%" -> "that of females slightly decreased by 1% to 2% and 0%"
    Explanation: "Females" is the correct term for consistency, and "decreased" is a more formal and precise verb than "went down."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not make comparisons where relevant. For example, the essay states that "both genders spent the same amount of time on staying in bed and doing nothing or sitting around with 8% and 3%, respectively," but it does not compare the time spent on these activities by men and women.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by making more comparisons between the data for men and women. For example, the essay could state that "men spent more time gardening than women, while women spent more time on housework." The essay could also be improved by providing more detail about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that "the proportion of time spent on job hunting by men decreased from 22% in the morning to 12% in the afternoon, while the proportion of time spent on job hunting by women decreased from 16% to 13%."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the time allocation of unemployed men and women, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the information being presented. Additionally, the paragraphing is not well-structured, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearer logical progression between ideas. Using a wider range of cohesive devices accurately can help connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. It’s also important to ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the information flows logically from one point to the next. Improving the overall structure and clarity of the essay will lead to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "allocate most of their time for job hunting" (should be "to job hunting") and "winessed a dramatic decline" (should be "witnessed"). Additionally, there are some spelling errors, like "man" instead of "men" in the context of plural usage. These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes ensuring correct collocations and avoiding spelling errors. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated lexical items and varying sentence structures can enhance the overall quality of the essay. Practicing with feedback on word choice and collocation will also help in developing a more natural and fluent use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While it attempts to convey information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "women without job" should be "women without jobs," and "winessed" is a typographical error for "witnessed." Additionally, the use of "allocate" in the context of time spent is slightly awkward; "allocated" or "spent" would be more appropriate. Overall, while the essay presents the information and comparisons clearly, the grammatical inaccuracies and some awkward constructions prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

  1. Grammar and Sentence Structure: Review subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural nouns are used correctly (e.g., "jobs" instead of "job").
  2. Punctuation: Check for proper punctuation use, especially in complex sentences, to improve clarity.
  3. Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a wider variety of complex structures and ensure that they are used accurately.
  4. Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and awkward phrasing before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of time spent by unemployed individuals in the UK last year. Overall, while unemployed women dedicated the majority of their time to housework, their male counterparts allocated most of their time to job hunting.

In the morning, women without jobs spent half of their time on housework, which is 2.5 times more than men. Unemployed men showed a preference for gardening, with 10% of their time spent on this activity compared to only 2% of women. Both genders allocated the same amount of time to staying in bed and doing nothing, with 8% for men and 3% for women.

Time allocation changed significantly in the afternoon, with both genders spending more time watching TV—14% for males and 12% for females. In contrast, job hunting witnessed a dramatic decline, dropping from 22% to 12% for men and from 16% to 13% for women. Although men allocated the same time share for decorating (7%) and playing sports (4%), the time spent by women on these activities slightly decreased by 1% to 2% and 0%, respectively.

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