The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the number of cars made in three countries in 2003, 2006 and 2009.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The shown table data on the number of car produced in Argentina, Australia and Thailand in three different years.

In general, there were increase in the number of car made in Argentina and Thailand, while that of Australia overcame an opposite trend. Remarkably, the figure for Thailand was the highest over three year.

In 2003, Argentina's figure start at 235,088 cars. Then, in 2006, the figure rise considerably to 352,759 cars. Three years later, that of Argentina was significant climb by around 110,000 cars. In contrast, the figure for Australia was a decline. Over six years, the number of cars made in Australia, started at 452,163 in 2003, was gradual decrease to 245,264 cars.

The figure for Thailand begin at 735,825 in 2003. The next three years, the number of Thailand's car produced dramatical growth up to 1,162,556 cars. However, there was a slight fall in that of Thailand from 1,162,356 to 999,963

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the shown table data" -> "the presented data in the table"
Explanation: "Shown" is too informal; "presented" is more appropriate for academic writing. Additionally, reordering the phrase clarifies that the data is contained within the table.
"there were increase" -> "there was an increase"
Explanation: "There were" is incorrect because "increase" is singular. The correct form is "there was an increase" to maintain grammatical agreement.
"the number of car made" -> "the number of cars produced"
Explanation: "Car" should be pluralized to "cars" to match the context, and "made" is less formal than "produced," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"overcame an opposite trend" -> "exhibited a contrasting trend"
Explanation: "Overcame" is inappropriate in this context; "exhibited" is more precise. "Contrasting" is a more formal and accurate term than "opposite."
"the figure for Thailand was the highest over three year" -> "the figure for Thailand was the highest over the three years"
Explanation: "Three year" should be pluralized to "three years" for grammatical correctness, and adding "the" improves clarity.
"start at" -> "started at"
Explanation: "Start" should be in the past tense "started" to maintain consistency with the past tense used throughout the essay.
"the figure rise considerably" -> "the figure rose considerably"
Explanation: "Rise" needs to be in the past tense "rose" to match the narrative tense of the essay.
"significant climb by around 110,000 cars" -> "significant increase of approximately 110,000 cars"
Explanation: "Climb" is less formal than "increase," and "approximately" is more precise than "around," improving the academic tone.
"the figure for Australia was a decline" -> "the figure for Australia experienced a decline"
Explanation: "Was a decline" is vague; "experienced a decline" is more descriptive and formal.
"was gradual decrease" -> "decreased gradually"
Explanation: "Was gradual decrease" is awkward; "decreased gradually" is more concise and maintains the correct verb form.
"begin at" -> "began at"
Explanation: "Begin" should be in the past tense "began" to maintain consistency with the narrative tense.
"the next three years" -> "over the next three years"
Explanation: Adding "over" clarifies the time frame being discussed.
"dramatically growth up to" -> "dramatic growth to"
Explanation: "Dramatically" is an adverb and should be replaced with the adjective "dramatic" to correctly modify "growth." "Up to" is simplified to "to" for clarity.
"there was a slight fall in that of Thailand" -> "there was a slight decline in the production of Thailand"
Explanation: "Fall" is less formal than "decline," and "the production of Thailand" is clearer than "that of Thailand."
"from 1,162,356 to 999,963" -> "from 1,162,556 to 999,963"
Explanation: Correcting the figure from "1,162,356" to "1,162,556" ensures accuracy in data representation.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the data, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends. The essay also presents some key features, but it does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that the number of cars made in Thailand was the highest over three years, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of cars made in Argentina and Thailand increased over the three years, while the number of cars made in Australia decreased. The essay could also provide more specific data to support its claims. For example, the essay could state that the number of cars made in Thailand increased by 466,131 between 2003 and 2009.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data from the three countries, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as "the figure for Thailand was the highest over three year," which lacks clarity. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing; for instance, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences and logical separation of ideas. Overall, while some information is presented, the coherence and cohesion are insufficient for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Clear Topic Sentences: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea.
Logical Progression: Ensure that ideas flow logically from one to the next, using transitional phrases to guide the reader.
Effective Use of Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately, avoiding repetition and ensuring clarity in referencing.
Improved Paragraphing: Organize the essay into distinct paragraphs that each cover a specific aspect of the data, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, there are noticeable errors in word choice and formation, such as "the number of car produced" (should be "cars produced") and "significant climb" (should be "significant increase"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. Additionally, the use of basic vocabulary and repetitive phrases detracts from the overall effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure accurate word forms and collocations. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors would improve clarity and precision in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed. Frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("there were increase" should be "there was an increase") and incorrect verb forms ("start" should be "started," "rise" should be "rose"), are present and can cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, punctuation errors are evident, which further detracts from clarity. Overall, the essay shows some understanding of grammar but lacks the accuracy and variety expected at higher bands.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance the overall complexity of the writing.
Verb Tenses: Ensure correct verb forms and tenses are used consistently throughout the essay. Reviewing the rules for past tense and subject-verb agreement can help.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission. This can help catch mistakes that may distort meaning.
Grammar Exercises: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding of common grammatical rules and improve accuracy in writing.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table presents data on the number of cars produced in Argentina, Australia, and Thailand in the years 2003, 2006, and 2009.

In general, there was an increase in the number of cars made in Argentina and Thailand, while Australia experienced a contrasting trend. Notably, the figure for Thailand was the highest over the three years.

In 2003, Argentina’s figure started at 235,088 cars. Then, in 2006, this number rose considerably to 352,759 cars. Three years later, the production in Argentina saw a significant climb of around 110,000 cars. In contrast, the figure for Australia declined. Over six years, the number of cars made in Australia, which began at 452,163 in 2003, gradually decreased to 245,264 cars.

The figure for Thailand began at 735,825 in 2003. In the following three years, the number of cars produced in Thailand experienced dramatic growth, reaching 1,162,556 cars. However, there was a slight decline in production from 1,162,556 to 999,963 cars by 2009.