The table below shows the percentage of employers in various sectors having difficulty in finding staff in 2003 and 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table above portrays the proportion of managers confronting challenges in seeking employees in 2003 and 2004.

Overall, recruiters were encountering the difficult task of employing new forces for four main domains which embrace manufacturing, building, commerce, and services. As can be seen clearly from the image, the demand for hiring professional workers has accounted for the highest percentage, while the figure for technical and managerial positions have been stably at the bottom during the period of 1 year.

Regarding finding vocational workers, whilst the highest rate of managers facing hindrance in seeking forces was recorded at 47% surpassing the commercial field in 2003, it appealed to the lowest percentage in 2004, at 41%. By contrast, the statistics of organizers, considering implementing staff for other domains as a complicated issue, have been increasing over the period. Notably, there were nowhere near sectors represented higher than manufacturing in 2004, inclining to surge from 45% to 51%. Additionally, either the margins of the building or services sectors seemed quite similar throughout the period, at 42% and 41% respectively in 2003 and 45% equally in 2004.

Regarding recruiting inexperienced workers, the commercial field had the harshest challenge in employing those workers in 2003 before reaching the lowest point at 19% in 2004. Additionally, manufacturing and construction categories have slightly improved from 2003 to 2004, roughly 2% of each. Conversely, the figure for commerce has reduced by approximately 3%, from 22% to 29% over that span.

Regarding hiring employees for technical and managerial purposes, its complexity has declined in all domains. Notably, the margin of hindrance in finding new forces for building plummeted from 14% to 10% appealing to the largest shift. Additionally, different categories entailed manufacturing, commerce, and services fields decreased by 2 or 3% in the duration of 1 year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the difficult task of employing new forces" -> "the challenging task of recruiting new personnel"
Explanation: "Difficult" is a vague term; "challenging" conveys a more academic tone. "Employing new forces" is informal and somewhat ambiguous; "recruiting new personnel" is clearer and more precise.
"the figure for technical and managerial positions have been stably at the bottom" -> "the figures for technical and managerial positions have remained consistently low"
Explanation: "Stably" is not commonly used in this context; "remained consistently low" is more idiomatic and precise, indicating a stable but low status.
"the highest rate of managers facing hindrance in seeking forces" -> "the highest proportion of managers encountering difficulties in recruiting personnel"
Explanation: "Rate" is less precise than "proportion," and "hindrance" is vague; "encountering difficulties" is clearer and more formal.
"it appealed to the lowest percentage" -> "it represented the lowest percentage"
Explanation: "Appealed" is an inappropriate choice here; "represented" accurately describes the statistical data.
"the statistics of organizers, considering implementing staff for other domains as a complicated issue" -> "the statistics for managers, who considered staffing for other sectors to be a complex issue"
Explanation: "Organizers" is too vague; "managers" is more specific. "Implementing staff" is awkward; "staffing" is more natural. "Complicated issue" is better expressed as "complex issue."
"nowhere near sectors represented higher than manufacturing" -> "no other sectors surpassed manufacturing"
Explanation: "Nowhere near" is informal; "no other sectors surpassed" is more precise and formal.
"either the margins of the building or services sectors seemed quite similar" -> "the margins for both the building and services sectors appeared quite similar"
Explanation: "Either" is incorrectly used here; "both" is more appropriate. "Seemed" is vague; "appeared" is more formal.
"the harshest challenge in employing those workers" -> "the greatest challenge in recruiting those workers"
Explanation: "Harshest" is informal; "greatest" is more academically appropriate. "Employing" is less precise than "recruiting."
"the lowest point at 19% in 2004" -> "the lowest percentage at 19% in 2004"
Explanation: "Point" is vague; "percentage" is more precise in this context.
"roughly 2% of each" -> "approximately 2% for each category"
Explanation: "Roughly" is less formal than "approximately," and clarifying "for each category" improves precision.
"the figure for commerce has reduced by approximately 3%" -> "the figure for commerce decreased by approximately 3%"
Explanation: "Reduced" is less formal; "decreased" is more appropriate in an academic context.
"its complexity has declined in all domains" -> "the complexity has decreased across all sectors"
Explanation: "Its" is vague; specifying "the complexity" clarifies the subject. "Declined" is less formal than "decreased," and "across all sectors" is more precise than "in all domains."
"the margin of hindrance in finding new forces for building plummeted" -> "the proportion of difficulty in recruiting new personnel for the building sector decreased significantly"
Explanation: "Margin of hindrance" is awkward; "proportion of difficulty" is clearer. "Plummeted" is overly dramatic; "decreased significantly" is more academic.
"entailed manufacturing, commerce, and services fields decreased by 2 or 3% in the duration of 1 year" -> "the figures for manufacturing, commerce, and services sectors decreased by 2 to 3% over the course of one year"
Explanation: "Entailed" is misused; "the figures for" is clearer. "Duration of 1 year" is awkward; "over the course of one year" is more natural.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the main features of the data. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the data and the format is inappropriate in places. For example, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the data for each category of worker. Instead, it simply recounts the data mechanically. The essay also presents some irrelevant details, such as the statement that "the figure for commerce has reduced by approximately 3%, from 22% to 29% over that span." This detail is not relevant to the task and does not contribute to the overall understanding of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the data for each category of worker. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant details and focusing on the main features of the data. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from one point to another. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. The referencing is not always precise, which can lead to confusion regarding the subjects being discussed. The use of paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by ensuring that related information is grouped in the same paragraph. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that references are clear and accurate will help to create a smoother reading experience. Finally, a more structured approach to paragraphing, with clear topic sentences, would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "employing new forces" instead of "hiring new staff" and "confronting challenges in seeking employees" which could be more naturally expressed. Additionally, there are several errors in spelling and word formation, such as "appealed" instead of "appealing" and "the harshest challenge in employing those workers" which could be clearer. These issues do not severely impede communication but indicate a need for improvement in precision and control over lexical choices.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring accurate word choice and collocation. Practicing the use of synonyms and more precise terms can help convey meanings more effectively. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will improve overall clarity and professionalism in writing. Engaging with a variety of texts can also help in understanding the nuances of vocabulary usage in different contexts.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the information clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrases that occasionally hinder communication. For example, phrases like "the difficult task of employing new forces" and "the margin of hindrance in finding new forces" are somewhat unclear and could be expressed more naturally. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect verb forms and punctuation issues, such as "appealing to the largest shift," which detracts from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Aim to use a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are grammatically correct.
Clarity and Precision: Use clearer and more precise language to convey ideas. Avoid awkward phrases that may confuse the reader.
Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes, ensuring that they do not impede understanding.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to improve grammatical accuracy and range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table above portrays the proportion of managers confronting challenges in seeking employees in 2003 and 2004.

Overall, recruiters encountered significant difficulties in employing new staff across four main sectors: manufacturing, building, commerce, and services. As can be clearly seen from the data, the demand for hiring professional workers accounted for the highest percentage, while the figures for technical and managerial positions remained consistently at the bottom during this one-year period.

Regarding the recruitment of vocational workers, the highest rate of managers facing challenges in finding staff was recorded at 47% in the manufacturing sector, surpassing the commercial field in 2003. However, this figure decreased to the lowest percentage of 41% in 2004. In contrast, the statistics for managers in other sectors, who considered hiring staff to be a complicated issue, increased over the period. Notably, no sector surpassed manufacturing in 2004, which rose from 45% to 51%. Additionally, the figures for the building and services sectors remained quite similar throughout the period, at 42% and 41% respectively in 2003, and both increased to 45% in 2004.

In terms of recruiting inexperienced workers, the commercial sector faced the greatest challenge in 2003, before reaching the lowest point of 19% in 2004. Furthermore, the manufacturing and construction sectors showed slight improvements from 2003 to 2004, with an increase of approximately 2% each. Conversely, the figure for commerce decreased by about 3%, from 22% to 19% over that span.

Regarding the hiring of employees for technical and managerial purposes, the complexity of recruitment declined across all sectors. Notably, the difficulty in finding new staff for the building sector plummeted from 14% to 10%, representing the largest shift. Additionally, the figures for manufacturing, commerce, and services decreased by 2% or 3% over the one-year period.