The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table compares the percentage distribution of female and male cyclists across five age brackets in a town during the year 2011.
Overall, the inclination toward cycling among females was more pronounced than that among males. In addition, there was no remarkable difference between the datas for both genders, except for the 10-17 and the 60 plus groups.
A closer examination of age cohorts with notable disparities unveils that in 2011, the percentage of girls from 10 to 17 engaging in bicycles using was 42%, being almost double that of their boys counterpart (24%). It is also important to note that there was a 5% difference in the proportion of the elderly people participating in riding bikes, with 19% for women and 14% for men respectively.
Analyzing the categories with less noticeable gaps, it is observed that while the majority of cyclists aged from 0 to 9, the figure for males was just 1% less than their females counterpart. Likewise, middle-aged women rode bicycles relatively as much as the middle-aged men did, with the respective 12% and 8%. Similarly, it is noteworthy that no more than 20% of 18-39 adults across both genders used bikes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "datas" -> "data"
   Explanation: "Datas" is not a standard English plural form for "data." "Data" is already a plural noun, so there’s no need to pluralize it further.

2. "counterpart" -> "counterparts"
   Explanation: Since we are referring to both male and female groups, the plural form "counterparts" should be used to match the plural noun.

3. "bicycles using" -> "bicycle usage"
   Explanation: "Bicycles using" is awkward phrasing. "Bicycle usage" is a more natural and concise way to express the idea of using bicycles.

4. "middle-aged women rode bicycles relatively as much as the middle-aged men did" -> "middle-aged women rode bicycles at a comparable rate to middle-aged men"
   Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and slightly awkward. Using "at a comparable rate to" instead of "relatively as much as" makes the sentence more concise and clear.

5. "no more than 20% of 18-39 adults" -> "only a maximum of 20% of adults aged 18-39"
   Explanation: "No more than" can be replaced with "only a maximum of" for a more precise and formal expression of the limitation. Additionally, specifying "adults aged 18-39" provides clarity and avoids ambiguity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the data provided. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in bicycle usage across different age groups and genders. The key features, such as the differences in cycling percentages between genders and age groups, are highlighted and illustrated with relevant data points. However, the response could be more fully developed, especially in providing additional analysis or insights into the significance of the trends observed.

How to improve:
To improve the essay, consider expanding on the significance of the observed trends. Provide more analysis on why certain age groups or genders might have higher or lower rates of bicycle usage. Additionally, ensure that all key features are adequately covered and that the information presented is accurate and relevant to the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of information, beginning with an overview statement and proceeding to discuss specific age groups. Each paragraph presents information in a structured manner, discussing the percentage of cyclists within each age group for both genders. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("Overall", "A closer examination", "Analyzing the categories") to guide the reader through the comparisons. Additionally, the use of pronouns and parallel structure aids in maintaining cohesion within and between sentences. Paragraphing is appropriate, with each paragraph focusing on a specific age group or aspect of the data.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the progression from one idea to the next is seamless. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay further. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure to ensure that cohesion within and between sentences is consistently maintained.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and the writer shows awareness of style and collocation. For instance, phrases like "inclination toward," "unveils," and "counterpart" contribute to the sophistication of the vocabulary. The essay effectively conveys the main features of the data and makes relevant comparisons between gender and age groups.

There are some minor errors in word choice and collocation, such as "datas" instead of "data" and "less noticeable gaps" which could be revised to "less significant disparities." Additionally, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, like "datas" and "datas for both genders" could be replaced with "data" and "data for both genders." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To improve, focus on refining word choice and avoiding minor errors in spelling and collocation. Consider using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. Additionally, aim for greater accuracy in word choice to enhance overall clarity and precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex structures, including subordinate clauses and comparative constructions. Sentences are generally error-free, contributing to effective communication. The writer exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. The essay effectively summarizes the information provided in the prompt, highlighting key trends and making relevant comparisons between age groups and genders.

How to improve:
To potentially elevate the score to a Band 8, the writer could aim for even greater precision and clarity in expression, ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, enhancing coherence and cohesion through smoother transitions between ideas could further strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table delineates the percentage distribution of male and female cyclists across distinct age groups within a town throughout the year 2011.

In general, females displayed a greater propensity towards cycling compared to their male counterparts. Notably, there existed negligible disparities between the genders, except within the 10-17 and the 60 plus age brackets.

Upon closer scrutiny of age segments manifesting conspicuous differences, it becomes apparent that in 2011, the percentage of girls aged 10 to 17 engaging in cycling stood at 42%, nearly doubling that of boys at 24%. Furthermore, a 5% variance in bicycle usage among the elderly was evident, with 19% for females and 14% for males respectively.

Analyzing categories with less pronounced divergences, it is observed that while the majority of cyclists belonged to the 0 to 9 age bracket, the figure for males trailed females by a mere 1%. Similarly, middle-aged women exhibited a comparable level of cycling activity to middle-aged men, with respective percentages of 12% and 8%. Additionally, it is noteworthy that not more than 20% of adults aged 18-39, across both genders, utilized bicycles.