The table below shows the percentage of the population who rode bicycles in one town by age group in 2012. Summarise the important information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table below shows the percentage of the population who rode bicycles in one town by age group in 2012.
Summarise the important information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The table shows how large a proportion of people rode bikes among several age groups in one town during 2011.

Overall, it can be seen that girls and men 0 to 9 age groups registered the highest level than other age groups, while middle-aged was so low on the table.

In 2011, within families, the preference for bicycle riding in the 0-9 age group was at 51.3%, slightly higher than that of males. Meanwhile, teenagers aged 10 to 17 showed a significant interest, with approximately 42.2% enjoying cycling, compared to 24.6% of males in the same age range.

In other age groups, individuals aged 18 to 39 comprised 17.1% of women and 9.7% of men. In contrast, the 40-59 age group had the lowest representation, with women at 12.3% and men at 8.0%. Although the senior demographic generally showed minimal participation, women over 60 accounted for 18.5%

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"how large a proportion" -> "the proportion"
Explanation: "how large a proportion" is redundant; "the proportion" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"girls and men 0 to 9 age groups" -> "females and males in the 0 to 9 age groups"
Explanation: "girls and men" is an awkward phrase; "females and males" is more precise and formal.
"was so low on the table" -> "was considerably lower"
Explanation: "was so low on the table" is colloquial; "was considerably lower" is more formal and specific.
"within families" -> "within households"
Explanation: "within families" could be ambiguous; "within households" specifies the context more clearly.
"significant interest" -> "considerable interest"
Explanation: "significant" can be vague; "considerable" is more precise in indicating a noteworthy level of interest.
"enjoying cycling" -> "engaging in cycling"
Explanation: "enjoying cycling" is casual; "engaging in cycling" is a more formal and active expression.
"comprised" -> "accounted for"
Explanation: "comprised" can be passive; "accounted for" is more active and direct in describing the composition of the groups.
"representation" -> "participation rate"
Explanation: "representation" is unclear in this context; "participation rate" specifies the metric being discussed more accurately.
"Although the senior demographic generally showed minimal participation" -> "Although participation among the elderly demographic was generally minimal"
Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality; "elderly demographic" is more specific than "senior demographic."
"accounted for 18.5%" -> "constituted 18.5%"
Explanation: "accounted for" is repetitive; "constituted" is a more precise term for representing a percentage of a whole.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the data presented in the table. It covers the key age groups and their respective percentages of bicycle ridership. The overview provided is adequate, presenting information relevant to the task. Key features are highlighted, such as the higher participation of girls and young boys aged 0-9 and the decreasing trend in participation with increasing age. However, some details could be more accurately presented, and the extension of key features could be more thorough.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could focus on presenting more accurate percentages and ensuring clarity in the comparison between different age groups. Additionally, extending the discussion on key features, such as reasons for variations in bicycle usage across age groups, could enhance the response.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay presents information in a somewhat organized manner, with a clear attempt at summarization. There is an overall progression from discussing younger age groups to older ones. However, there are instances where the coherence and cohesion could be improved. Some sentences lack clarity and could be better connected to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, the transition between paragraphs is somewhat abrupt, affecting the overall cohesion.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear central topic and that ideas are logically connected throughout the essay. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and improve overall coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the clarity of expression to avoid any ambiguity or confusion in the reader’s understanding. Finally, ensure that the summary effectively captures the main features and comparisons as outlined in the essay prompt.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, covering basic information from the given data. It adequately describes the percentages across different age groups but lacks sophistication and depth in lexical resource. Some less common lexical items are attempted, but there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation. For instance, "within families" could be replaced with "across households" for clearer meaning. Additionally, there are minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that hinder the flow of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for more varied vocabulary and precise word choices. Aim for greater fluency and coherence by using transitions effectively. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also help reduce errors and improve overall lexical sophistication. Additionally, focus on using more precise descriptors and avoiding repetition where possible.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, contributing to coherence. There is an attempt at varied sentence structures, but some sentences lack complexity, limiting the range of structures. The essay generally communicates the main information effectively, but there are grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, "while middle-aged was so low on the table" could be more accurately expressed for clarity. Additionally, there are instances of inaccurate word choices ("within families" instead of "across age groups") that affect precision.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for more varied and complex sentence structures throughout the essay. Pay attention to word choice and phrasing to ensure precision and clarity. Review and revise for grammatical errors to minimize their occurrence and enhance overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the percentage of individuals who engaged in bicycling across various age brackets in a single town during the year 2011.

Overall, it is evident that the highest participation rates were observed among girls and boys aged 0 to 9, while involvement among middle-aged individuals remained notably lower.

In 2011, the preference for cycling within the 0-9 age group stood at 51.3%, slightly surpassing that of males. Conversely, teenagers aged 10 to 17 exhibited considerable interest, with approximately 42.2% enjoying bicycling, in contrast to 24.6% of males within the same age bracket.

Among older age cohorts, individuals aged 18 to 39 accounted for 17.1% of females and 9.7% of males, while the 40-59 age group depicted the lowest engagement rates, with females at 12.3% and males at 8.0%. Although participation among seniors was generally modest, females over 60 constituted 18.5% of bicyclists.