The table below shows the production of cacao beans in six regions between 1992 and 1998

The layout provides a breakdown of data on the statistics of cacao bean manufacture in six specific areas over a 6-year timescale, commencing from 1992. Overall, the most striking feature is that there was an upswing in South America, Oceania, and Asia; the reverse is accurate for the remainder. Another focal point is that South America and Asia predominated across the surveyed areas.

At the outset, the volume of South America hit the zenith of 143,000 tonnes in 1992; this was followed by Asia, with 24,000 tonnes less. Over the following four years, South America descended considerably to 127000 tonnes, thus the former officially outstripping the latter, at 243000 tonnes. By comparison, even though South America saw a surge, reaching 389000 tonnes in 1998, it failed to regain its initial top position since Asia continually experienced a spike in its volume, peaking at 436000 tonnes.

Moving on to the remainder, in terms of Oceania, there was a consistent rise from 40000 tonnes to 77000 tonnes at the end of the period. By comparison, North and Central America hit the nadir of 25,000 tonnes by 1994, rebounding to 39,000 tonnes in the next two years, and eventually returning to the initial year at 46,000 tonnes in 1996. Meanwhile, turning to England, hitting the highest point of 67000 tonnes in 1994, which experienced a downturn trend to 49000 tonnes in 1998, with 7 tonnes fewer compared to the first year. When it comes to Africa, reaching a climax of 119000 tonnes in 1996, and ultimately plummeting to 25000 tonnes at the conclusion of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The layout provides a breakdown of data" -> "The table presents a breakdown of data"
Explanation: Replacing "The layout provides" with "The table presents" is more precise and contextually appropriate, as "table" specifically refers to the visual representation of data, enhancing clarity and accuracy in an academic context.
"cacao bean manufacture" -> "cacao bean production"
Explanation: "Manufacture" typically implies the process of making something from raw materials, whereas "production" is more commonly used in the context of agricultural products like cacao beans, aligning better with the data presented.
"upswing" -> "increase"
Explanation: "Upward trend" or "increase" are more formal and precise terms than "upswing," which can be considered somewhat colloquial for academic writing.
"the reverse is accurate for the remainder" -> "the opposite is true for the other regions"
Explanation: "The opposite is true" is a more formal and direct way to convey the contrast, and specifying "the other regions" clarifies which areas are being referred to.
"hit the zenith" -> "reached its peak"
Explanation: "Hit the zenith" is idiomatic and less formal. "Reached its peak" is straightforward and maintains an academic tone.
"outstripping the latter" -> "surpassed the latter"
Explanation: "Outstripping" is less commonly used in formal writing and can be vague. "Surpassed" is clear and direct, fitting better in an academic context.
"failed to regain its initial top position" -> "did not regain its initial position"
Explanation: "Failed to regain" can be seen as slightly informal and emotional. "Did not regain" is neutral and maintains a formal tone.
"continually experienced a spike" -> "consistently experienced an increase"
Explanation: "Continually" is less precise than "consistently," and "spike" can imply a sudden, sharp change, which might not accurately describe the trend in the data. "Consistently" and "increase" are more suitable for describing gradual changes in data.
"hitting the nadir" -> "reaching a low point"
Explanation: Similar to "hit the zenith," "hitting the nadir" is idiomatic and less formal. "Reaching a low point" is straightforward and maintains an academic tone.
"rebounding to" -> "recovering to"
Explanation: "Rebounding" can imply a sudden, bouncy movement, which is less precise than "recovering," which suggests a gradual return to a previous level.
"returning to the initial year" -> "returning to the initial level"
Explanation: "Returning to the initial year" is less specific and could be misinterpreted. "Returning to the initial level" clearly indicates the return to a specific metric or value.
"7 tonnes fewer" -> "7 tons fewer"
Explanation: "Tonnes" is the correct unit for metric measurements, but "ton" is commonly used in informal contexts. "Tonnes" should be used consistently throughout the text for formality and precision.
"climax" -> "peak"
Explanation: "Climax" typically refers to the most intense or critical point in a dramatic or emotional context, which is not appropriate here. "Peak" is the correct term for describing the highest point in a trend or measurement.
"ultimately plummeting" -> "ultimately decreasing"
Explanation: "Plummeting" is an overly dramatic term that may not be suitable for a formal academic analysis. "Decreasing" is straightforward and maintains an objective tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. For example, the essay states that "the most striking feature is that there was an upswing in South America, Oceania, and Asia; the reverse is accurate for the remainder." However, the essay does not provide any specific details about the trends in these regions. The essay also does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay states that "South America and Asia predominated across the surveyed areas." However, the essay does not provide any specific details about the production of cacao beans in these regions.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. The essay could also be improved by highlighting the key features of the data in more detail. For example, the essay could provide specific details about the production of cacao beans in South America and Asia. The essay could also provide a more detailed analysis of the trends in the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the increase in production in South America and Asia.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. The referencing is not always clear, and paragraphing is present but not always logical, particularly in how the information is structured within paragraphs.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the clarity of referencing and ensuring that cohesive devices are used more naturally. Additionally, organizing the paragraphs more logically, perhaps by grouping related information together and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central topic, would strengthen the overall structure. Reducing redundancy in phrasing and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas can also help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "hitting the zenith" and "returning to the initial year," which may not convey precise meanings. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "downturn trend" (should be "downward trend") and "plummeting" (which is not used here). These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication expected at higher band scores.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations. They could also benefit from expanding their vocabulary range by incorporating more sophisticated and varied terms while avoiding repetition. Paying closer attention to spelling and word formation will also help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some effective use of vocabulary and structure. However, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as missing articles and inconsistent use of commas, which occasionally hinder communication. While the overall meaning is clear, these errors suggest that the writer has not fully controlled the grammatical range and accuracy expected for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of complex sentences and ensure that they are grammatically accurate.
Punctuation: Pay attention to the correct use of commas and periods to improve the readability of the essay.
Grammar: Review and practice common grammatical structures to reduce errors, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage.
Proofreading: Allocate time to proofread the essay to catch and correct minor errors that may occur during writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The layout provides a breakdown of data on the statistics of cacao bean production in six specific regions over a 6-year timescale, commencing from 1992. Overall, the most striking feature is that there was an upswing in South America, Oceania, and Asia; conversely, the opposite trend is observed in the remaining regions. Another focal point is that South America and Asia predominated across the surveyed areas.

At the outset, the volume of cacao beans produced in South America reached a peak of 143,000 tonnes in 1992, followed by Asia, which produced 24,000 tonnes less. Over the following four years, South America experienced a significant decline to 127,000 tonnes, thus allowing Asia to officially surpass it, with a production of 243,000 tonnes. In comparison, although South America saw a surge, reaching 389,000 tonnes in 1998, it failed to regain its initial top position, as Asia consistently experienced an increase in its production, peaking at 436,000 tonnes.

Moving on to the other regions, Oceania exhibited a consistent rise from 40,000 tonnes to 77,000 tonnes by the end of the period. In contrast, North and Central America reached a low of 25,000 tonnes by 1994, rebounding to 39,000 tonnes in the subsequent two years, and eventually returning to the initial level of 46,000 tonnes in 1996. Meanwhile, England peaked at 67,000 tonnes in 1994, but then experienced a downward trend to 49,000 tonnes in 1998, which was 7 tonnes fewer compared to the first year. Regarding Africa, it reached a high of 119,000 tonnes in 1996, but ultimately plummeted to 25,000 tonnes by the conclusion of the period.