The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table delineates information on the milk produced every year, segmented by 4 distinct nations in 1990, 2000, and 2010.

Overall, what is this most striking when looking at the data is that while the production of milk in Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala followed an upward trend, the opposite was true for the figure in Australia throughout the examined years. Notably, Netherlands was the dominant sector in all three years, despite a slightly fall in 2000.

Looking first at the yields of milk in Netherlands and Australia, the former was the only nation witnessing a minimal decrease from 1990 to 2000 by over 100 litres, yet still the most nation produced milk, and contributed to 11,466,000 litres in 2010. Conversely, although Australia was the second most country yielding milk in 3 years, its data fall gradually as the time go by, from 11,246,000 litres to 9,165,000 after 2 decades.

Turning to the remaining categories, begining at 87,000 litres milk generated in Tanzania, the amount of milk yielded continued to rise slightly, with 1,42,000 and 1,55,000 in 2000 and 2010, respectively. Similarly, there was a moderate growth in the amount of milk in Guatemala, constituted approximately 26,000 litres in 1990, and hovered 84,000 litres 20 years later although Guatermala was the least nation generated milk.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"what is this most striking when looking at the data is" -> "what is most striking in this data is"
Explanation: Removing "when looking at the data" simplifies the phrase and aligns it with academic writing by avoiding redundancy and unnecessary prepositional phrases.
"the opposite was true for the figure in Australia" -> "the opposite was true for Australian milk production"
Explanation: Replacing "the figure in Australia" with "Australian milk production" provides a more specific and formal term, enhancing clarity and precision in the academic context.
"Notably, Netherlands was the dominant sector" -> "Notably, the Netherlands was the dominant producer"
Explanation: Correcting "Netherlands" to "the Netherlands" is a matter of proper noun capitalization, and replacing "sector" with "producer" accurately reflects the context of milk production.
"a slightly fall" -> "a slight decrease"
Explanation: "A slight decrease" is a more formal and precise term than "a slightly fall," which is grammatically incorrect and less formal.
"the most nation produced milk" -> "the largest producer of milk"
Explanation: "The most nation" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "The largest producer of milk" is grammatically correct and provides a clear, formal description.
"as the time go by" -> "over time"
Explanation: "As the time go by" is a colloquial expression; "over time" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"begining at 87,000 litres milk generated" -> "beginning with 87,000 litres of milk generated"
Explanation: Adding "of" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase grammatically correct and clearer.
"the amount of milk yielded continued to rise slightly" -> "the amount of milk produced continued to increase slightly"
Explanation: "Yielded" is less commonly used in this context; "produced" is more direct and appropriate for discussing milk output. "Increase" is also more precise than "rise" in this context.
"hovered 84,000 litres 20 years later" -> "remained at approximately 84,000 litres 20 years later"
Explanation: "Hovered" is an informal and imprecise term; "remained at approximately" provides a clearer and more formal description of the stability in milk production.
"Guatermala was the least nation generated milk" -> "Guatemala was the least significant producer of milk"
Explanation: Correcting "Guatermala" to "Guatemala" fixes a spelling error, and replacing "generated milk" with "producer of milk" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in milk production. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the data and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features, such as the overall trend in milk production in each country.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the data and highlighting the key features of the table. For example, the essay could state that milk production in the Netherlands was the highest in all three years, while milk production in Australia declined over the period. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes in milk production in each country, such as the percentage increase or decrease in production.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The main features of the data are summarized, and comparisons are made between the countries. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with instances of awkward phrasing and unclear referencing (e.g., "the former was the only nation witnessing a minimal decrease" lacks clarity regarding what "the former" refers to). Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the clarity of references and improving the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively would also help in creating a more seamless connection between thoughts. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically progresses from one idea to the next would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are several inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the most nation produced milk" and "the opposite was true for the figure in Australia." Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "begining" instead of "beginning" and "Guatermala" instead of "Guatemala." While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary accurately and appropriately. This includes practicing the correct forms of words and ensuring that collocations are used correctly. Additionally, reducing spelling errors and ensuring that word choices convey precise meanings will help improve the overall quality of the writing. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and structures can also elevate the sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at more complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases such as "the former was the only nation witnessing a minimal decrease" and "its data fall gradually as the time go by" contain grammatical inaccuracies that can confuse the reader. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which further detracts from the overall clarity of the communication. Overall, while the essay conveys some information, the grammatical issues significantly hinder effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following strategies:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures, ensuring that they are grammatically correct.
Proofreading: Carefully review the essay for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission. This can help in identifying and correcting mistakes that may distort meaning.
Practice: Engage in exercises that focus on specific grammatical structures, such as subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings, to build confidence and accuracy in usage.
Seek Feedback: Consider getting feedback from peers or instructors on grammatical aspects to identify common errors and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table delineates information on the milk produced annually, segmented by four distinct nations in 1990, 2000, and 2010.

Overall, what is most striking when looking at the data is that while the production of milk in the Netherlands, Tanzania, and Guatemala followed an upward trend, the opposite was true for the figure in Australia throughout the examined years. Notably, the Netherlands was the dominant producer in all three years, despite a slight fall in 2000.

Looking first at the yields of milk in the Netherlands and Australia, the former was the only nation witnessing a minimal decrease from 1990 to 2000 of over 100 litres; however, it still produced the most milk, contributing 11,466,000 litres in 2010. Conversely, although Australia was the second-largest producer of milk over the three years, its production gradually fell over time, from 11,246,000 litres to 9,165,000 after two decades.

Turning to the remaining categories, beginning with 87,000 litres of milk generated in Tanzania, the amount continued to rise slightly, reaching 142,000 and 155,000 litres in 2000 and 2010, respectively. Similarly, there was moderate growth in the amount of milk produced in Guatemala, which constituted approximately 26,000 litres in 1990 and hovered around 84,000 litres 20 years later, although Guatemala was the nation with the least milk production.